


Lonely Places

by amagdala8



Category: Stardew Valley
Genre: Dealing With Trauma, F/M, Family Issues, Loss, Slow Build, Slow Burn, dealing with the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:48:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 66,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24606463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amagdala8/pseuds/amagdala8
Summary: After years of playing charades, Ana finally decides to leave the city and moves to her late grandfather's farm to pursue a life that might bring her happiness. She bonds with the wonderful people of Pelican Town and falls for the shy doctor. But as the year wears on, her carefully built facade begins to crumble and she can no longer hide behind her smile.
Relationships: Harvey/Female Player (Stardew Valley)
Comments: 83
Kudos: 120





	1. Zuzu City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana messages her sister Romi, asking for adivce about a big decision

to: romibb@zumail.fr  
from: anabb@zumail.fr  
object: in need of adivce

Hey Romi!

Sorry I haven’t messaged you in a while, things have been awfully busy lately between my job at Joja, my relationship with Anthony and Skylar’s constant lamenting, I have hardly had a minute to myself these past weeks. It’s five a.m. here in Zuzu City and I can’t sleep. And I know you’re probably very upset with me for not messaging you in so long but I could really use a big sister after today. Because:  
I have had the best day of my life. I did. 

I got to work at around 7:30 (I always arrive an hour early because I’m no fan of Anthony’s acoustic snoring performances in the morning it drives me out of bed in no time) and my boss was there and he said something along the lines of “ _I want you to come to my office at noon, we need to talk_ ”. I got really scared for a minute, I thought for sure he was gonna fire me but then again, I hate working in customer service so why would it matter. I spent my morning preparing a new CV for my job applications but it turns out that was a waste of time. Because (I hope you’re sitting down) I got a promotion! Pay raise and a bigger cubicle and no more phone calls with annoying customers, can you believe it?

I messaged Skylar and Anthony and they both decided that we were gonna celebrate right after my shift was over. Anthony and I had dinner at this really fancy restaurant (you know, the kind that has like seven different forks, knives and spoons spread out across the table) and he asked me if I maybe wanted to move in with him. He has a really nice flat and it’s close to work, it would be very convenient and if we spilt the rent I would pay less than I do now. So that’s something to think about.

After dinner Skylar and the girls dragged us to the clubs. I had way too many shots, Romi. Way too many. Now that I’m starting to sober up a little I’m feeling really unwell. And I was so drunk at one point that we forgot Anthony as we moved on to the next club. I forgot my boyfriend! Can you believe this? He called me and he was pretty upset but I managed to calm him down. That was a little awkward, I admit but all in all I think everyone had a lot of fun tonight.

So, to summarise it, because I know you never properly read your emails: Today I got a promotion, my boyfriend asked me to move in with him and I had a fun night out with my friends.  
And here is where I need your advice, Romi. I just had what many would consider the best day of my life… Then why do I feel so sad?  


It’s true, I never liked working for Joja, I don’t like what the corporation stands for and how unethically the operate. I took the job because I needed money after I moved out from home but I’m still there, seven years later. And it’s not even like I enjoy the work, it sucks! The clients are mean and annoying and my co-workers are all so… lifeless. Like Joja already drained all the positivity from them, what if that happens to me too?

And Anthony… I’ve started seeing him casually three years ago and it feels as though he just gradually became a fixed part of my life. I guess I liked the company? You know when I was younger I hated being alone, it always scared me. But now I’m never alone. Ever. He’s everywhere. He’s next to me when I wake up and he’s there when I get home. I feel smothered. And I guess that’s why I started going out so much with Skylar and the girls. 

But that’s the next thing, I don’t even like them all that much either! They always talk shit about each other behind their back, I’m sure they talk shit about me too and that should bother me but it doesn’t. I don’t care. They have nothing to talk about because I share none of my thoughts or feelings with them. Sure, they can talk about my looks and clothes and relationship but why would that bother me? We’re not friends. And this brings me to the following realisation: I’m all alone.

I don’t love my boyfriend, I don’t like my friends and I despise my job. And now that I see all of this in writing I feel like the worst human being to walk this planet. I wanted to fit in and I wanted to be successful and I wanted to be loved. And I guess I wanted to make it work so badly that I lost sight of what matters the most. I turned into a black hole, sucking up all the love and all the affection around me, unable to return any of it. I feel so bitter. Like an angry animal, ready to lash out at anyone at any time.

And after I got home tonight I sat with my back against the door of my apartment, staring into the darkness, wishing for a sign. Something that could lead me into the right direction. Something to help me get rid of this void that I’ve become. That’s when I remembered the letter. The letter that grandpa gave to us before he died. Do you remember? He said “ _There will come a day when you feel crushed by the burden of modern life and your bright spirit will fade before a growing emptiness. When that happens, you’ll be ready for this gift._ ”

So I started to frantically look for the letter, I searched everywhere. I knew I brought it with me when I moved out. It was at the bottom of the drawer of my old desk, perfectly sealed and it still smelled like him, like sitting next to a fireplace when it’s snowing outside. I ripped the letter open, read and reread it a million times because I couldn’t believe what it said.  
Romi, he gave us his farm. He gave us his farm so we could escape our current life and build a new one. He said it’s what he did himself all those years ago! Maybe this is the sign I was asking for? Maybe this is exactly what I need... Can it be? 

Do you remember when we were kids and I would climb into your bed after I had a nightmare and I’d tell you about it in great detail and you would just listen and hold my hand until I was too tired to talk? I wish I could do that right now. I wish you were here in Zuzu City with me. I don’t know what to do. When I think about my future all I see is this black void that is growing bigger and bigger with every lie that I tell myself and the people around me. I’m not happy, Romi. But the idea of moving away from Zuzu City, going to the Valley… It gives me hope. 

I would love to know what you think and I hope you can forgive me for being so egocentric lately. Hopefully I’ll get to talk to you really soon, Romi. 

Love, always

your baby (of a) sister Ana


	2. Waiting Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey Rogers is having a stressful afternoon at his clinic and he hears some interesting news

Winter was a very busy time for doctor Harvey Rogers and this year’s flu season was definitely no walk in the park. Almost everyone in town was sick, so every day of the week so far was stressful from the moment the clinic opened until way past its closing time. Harvey was not sure when he has had his last proper meal but he barely had the time to think about that. He had just returned from a house call and entered the clinic to find two more people sitting in the waiting room. 

“Hello Harvey”, said Robin.  
Sebastian who sat next to his mother with his phone in hand and earbuds in, gave him a quiet nod of acknowledgement. Harvey greeted them hastily with a quick wave, assured them he’d be ready for them in just a minute and then disappeared down the hall and into the examination room. He took off his coat and his gloves and used some disinfectant on his hands, realising how dry and rough his skin had become from this exact procedure. He quickly slipped into his lab coat and put the stethoscope around his neck before rushing back out to the waiting room.

He slipped behind the counter to update Emily’s file. She was running a very high fever so Harvey had to visit her at home. He quickly typed in what symptoms she was showing and what medication he had given her to keep her medical history as up-to-date as possible. 

The bell above the clinic door rang and Harvey felt a cold gust of air entering with Marnie, who was wearing a thick green coat and had snowflakes peacefully sitting in her greying hair.  
“Good evening, Harvey”, she said and smiled a little.  
“Hello Marnie, how are you doing?”, he replied, briefly pausing his work.  
“I’m doing good, a bit of a sore throat but nothing too serious. I’m just here to pick up my medication”, she replied.  
“As you do every other Wednesday”, Harvey said, smiling, “Maru has probably prepared it, I’ll grab it in a second”

Marnie waddled over to Robin to greet her excitedly. The two chattered away while Harvey finished the update and walked back to the small storage room that served as the clinic’s pharmacy. As expected, Maru has placed Marnie’s medication on the shelf next to the door so Harvey did not have to look for it in the cupboards. As he walked back out he heard Marnie and Robin talk a little more clearly.  
“Moving into the Beesburg Farm?”, Robin asked, sounding shocked, “But that place is a ruin! Nobody has taken care of it in what? Thirteen years?”  
Marnie nodded, visibly excited. 

“It is, I sometimes pass it when I’m taking a walk with Jas. Heaven knows what’s nesting in there by now. But Mayor Lewis said that the girl seems very eager to take it on.”  
“Joseph’s granddaughter…”, Robin said, closing her eyes to think, “There were two of them I believe? They came to visit every summer up until he passed.”  
Marnie nodded, “Oh yes, Romi and Ana. They could not have been more different the pair of them. Romi was always well dressed with nice little braids, a bit like Jas, really. And she would always sing for the governor at the luau! And Ana was the complete opposite, twigs in her hair, scratches down her knees with both her front teeth missing for almost three years because she knocked them out while she drove her bike down the mountain.”  
Marnie and Robin chuckled at the memories of the young girls.  
“They used to play with Maru all the time. She loved them. Oh, she will be so excited when I tell her!”

Harvey carefully cleared his throat and both women looked at him as though they had forgotten he was there. Marnie swiftly paid for the medication and waved goodbye to Robin and Harvey. After she closed the door behind her, Harvey examined Sebastian who had a mild case of the flu, nothing a bit of rest and a healthy diet couldn’t fix. 

Once they left the clinic and the door fell shut, Harvey let himself sink into the chair behind the counter. What a day. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. After a busy day, he always felt as though his brain could not shut off all night. He saw colourful flashes of the work day that has gone by whenever he closed his eyes, lingering just a little longer on the last conversation he had overheard. Someone new was moving to the Valley, into the old farmhouse by the forest. A young woman it seemed. 

Harvey had only moved to Pelican Town six years ago, by then the Beesburg Farm stood unoccupied for years. He had heard of the previous owner, Joseph Beesburg who, it appeared, has been a very valued member of the community. People still mention him every now and again, with a lot of affection in their voices that made Harvey wish he will be talked about like this when he departs this life. 

He sighed as he heaved himself out of the chair, to lock the clinic door and go upstairs into his small apartment. Closing the door behind him he let out a little groan. It was a mess in here. He had to clean up but he was in no mood to do that. He was in no mood to do much at all. So he swiftly cleared away the greater messes while his microwave dinner was heating up. He sat down on the sofa with his food in hand and turned on the tv. There was nothing interesting on but he let it play regardless because a stupid tv program was better than the deafening silence that haunted this tiny apartment. 

Harvey felt a sudden tightness in his chest as he realised how awfully lonely he was up here. He had lost the little appetite he had left as he put the food aside and leaned back into the shabby old sofa, looking up at the ceiling. At forty he had hoped to have achieved a little more than this. His job was great, he enjoyed working here in Pelican Town, even if it was busy from time to time. He had a few friends too. Some of his former colleagues in Zuzu City and a handful of people here in the valley. Yet he couldn’t help but feel unaccomplished because night after night he had to return to this small shabby apartment, all by himself. 

He longed for some companionship but it did not look very promising on that front. For a while he has had an eye on Maru, Robin’s daughter who worked at his clinic every Tuesday and Thursday. But at only 25 she was far too young and Harvey knew that, so he never pursued anything other than a pleasant friendship. And besides Maru there was nobody in Pelican Town that sparked any interest. It seemed as though Harvey had to get used to the idea of being alone for a while longer. 

With a heavy sigh he turned the tv off. It was no use to think and overthink. Tomorrow would be another busy day, he was probably better off just going to bed.


	3. Beesburg Farm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana is writing to her sister Romi to update her on the state of the farm and to tell her about the people of Pelican Town

To: romibb@zumail.fr  
from: anabb@zumail.fr  
object: i ate a spider

Hey Romi!

Do you remember when grandpa took us on a hike through the mountains and we found the abandoned shrine from like a hundred years ago? And it was covered in moss and grass and birds were nesting in it? And grandpa told us “ _Nature will always take back the things it owns and it owns everything_ ”? Well, he was absolutely right, nature does take back everything, and it’s very fast at that.

The farm is an absolute mess. The woods that were surrounding the land have moved in closer. Trees have sprouted, everything is covered in high grass and there’s sticks and rocks and mud with every step you take. I can barely feel the soil underneath my feet. And it’s so freakishly cold! We’ve only ever been to the valley in the summer time, I had no idea it would be this cold.  
I know what you would say, you would say “ _Get a grip, Ana! Spring has just begun of course it’s still cold. Put on a warm sweater and get over yourself_ ”. And you’re right, of course. I guess it’s just that everything is a little bit scary.

I’m surrounded by forests and the next house is almost two miles away. There’s so many unfamiliar noises coming from outside that keep me awake at night and I genuinely don’t remember hearing those when we were young. I suppose that was because of grandpa’s calming presence though.  
So I don’t sleep much these nights and I spend most of my days trying to clear the land from debris and the uncontrolled growth coming from the forest. That’s pretty tedious. I thought I was fit, seeing as Anthony always dragged me to the gym with him but it turns out that running on a treadmill for an hour is a lot less exhausting than chopping wood and cutting grass all day, who would have thought? But strangely enough I find such satisfaction in my work on the farm, satisfaction I never experienced at Joja in all of my time there. It’s just so nice to finally make an impact! Working in customer service I’ve never gotten to see results, all I did all day was sit at my desk, talk on the phone and type on my computer. I lived for my breaks, quietly longing for change. And here it is, here’s the change! It’s all around me! 

Although, that’s not quite right either. Because the Valley and Pelican Town look almost exactly like they did when we were kids. Like they’re in a snow globe, preserved to last, sheltered from any modification that time brings with it. Walking down the path out of the village and towards the farm you’d expect grandpa to drive by with his tractor at any moment. Even bigger the shock of course, when you see the actual state of the farm. It decayed without him there.

But besides that, everything is still the same. And everyone is still the same too! You wouldn’t believe how many familiar faces I’ve encountered in my first few days! So many people came by to say hello. Mayor Lewis is still as energetic as he used to be, even though he’s a little slower these days. He helped me get the electricity and the water back on and he told me some really funny stories about grandpa. I’ll share them next time we’ll see each other. 

Marnie is around too! She welcomed me with some of the other ladies from the village, Jodi and Caroline. Caroline I remember but I don’t think I’ve ever met Jodi before. They brought a ton of food, they said they wanted me to get through the first few days but the sheer amount of meals they brought will get me through the first few years I believe. Pierre still runs the shop in the village and Gus runs the Saloon (he used to give us cola and let us pretend it was rum, remember that?). And I also met Willy, the fisherman that creeped us out when we played by the beach. Turns out he’s an awfully nice guy and he agreed to teach me how to fish in the summer so I could make some extra cash on the side. 

Evelyn and George are still around but they’ve aged quite a bit. George is still as grumpy as Evelyn is sweet. She keeps inviting me over for tea whenever she sees me, it’s awfully lovely.  
A few of the kids we used to play with still live in the village too: Penny, Emily and Haley, Abigail and Sebastian but the person I was most excited to see was Maru. She and Robin were waiting for me at the stop when I first arrived and she pulled me into such a tight hug it took my breath away, literally. She’s swung by twice so far and we mostly talked about how much fun those past summers were. It’s lovely to know that she remembers them as fondly as we do. She told me that everybody hoped that I would bring some change to the valley and I can definitely see where they’re coming from. 

Pretty much nothing has changed since we were kids. And when you’re young there’s a million things to do at all times of the day but once you’ve grown up you’re not as interested in exploring the undergrowth, catching frogs is not fun anymore, riding bikes up and down the street is feeling repetitive and boring and you know that there’s no monsters to chase. So what’s left to do then besides work and sleep?

But just because I can see where they’re coming from doesn’t mean I agree. I think that they’re just too used to how things are around here so that they forgot to see the magic in this place.  
The Valley always made me feel so endless, like there’s nothing that I couldn’t do. And I still feel that way, every morning when I wake up to go outside and work on the farm. Maybe I can help Maru and the others feel the same. 

I wish you were here, Romi. Wouldn’t it be nice if you came to visit when the sun returns, paints everything in warm colours and the farm blooms? We could ride a bike down the mountain and I could knock out some more teeth? Sounds good, doesn’t it?

Love,  
Ana

Ps: I almost forgot, you’re gonna love this: While I cleared out one of the sheds I might have eaten a spider. It was very dark but something crawled on my face and I tried to wipe it away with my hand but it got caught between my lips and next thing I know I feel something crunchy. It was disgusting and I have not been to the shed since. But I guess I’ll have to get used to creepy crawlers, don’t I?


	4. Pelican Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey hears all about the new farmer and decides to head out to the Saloon to finally meet her

Flu season was slowly ebbing away and people were recovering fast as spring begun. Unfortunately, Harvey had a knack for getting sick just after particularly stressful times. And so, for more than a week, he lay in his bed with a very high fever, very low under the weather. The clinic was closed for that time being, patients needed to go to the next town over to see the doctor there. This was something Harvey felt very bad about, it was important to him to take good care of his patients at all times but he knew that in his condition it would be negligent to treat the weak. 

He spent the first few days in bed, mostly asleep. Later he was able to read and listen to some music and once he regained more strength he spent some time sitting in front of his radio, listening to the conversations between the pilots flying over the Valley. Harvey realised, how little time he had to go after the few hobbies he had. But he wasn’t complaining, because in all this time that he had to himself, he had many opportunities to overthink and so he was starting to get anxious, cooped up in his tiny apartment with nobody but his thoughts to keep him company. And so he was all the happier when he finally got to open the clinic again. 

It appeared though, while he was gone, something has spread around town like the flu has a month before: Excitement. Joseph Beesburg’s granddaughter has arrived and she was the talk of the town. Most people seemed to have met her within her first days at the Valley and so, during all his interactions with the villagers at the clinic the following weeks, he gathered more and more information about her. 

“Have you met Ana yet?”, asked Marnie as she picked up her medication on a Wednesday.  
“Oh… No I haven’t”, replied Harvey, thinking the conversation to be over but it was far from.  
“We headed over to the farm with Caroline and Jodi the other night, to welcome her. A stunning young thing, very beautiful but a little delicate. I hope she’s going to be able to keep up with the farming. But if she’s got any of Joseph’s blood in her veins, I’m sure she will be just fine.”  
Harvey didn’t reply, he found it awkward to talk about people he has never met before. And this situation was particularly difficult, because Marnie was notoriously ambitious when it came to gossip. It felt like a competition between her and Caroline to see, who could get the most information the fastest. And to balance out the fact that Caroline had easy access to town talk since she worked in her husband’s grocery store, Marnie has started dating Mayor Lewis in secrecy. Although it was hardly a secret at this point, all thanks to Caroline. 

Marnie looked at Harvey expectantly but he was saved by the bell ringing as Jodi entered with her little son Vincent on hand.  
“Oh Jodi!”, Marnie twittered, “I was just telling Harvey about meeting Ana the other night”  
“A lovely young lady”, Jodi agreed as she dragged Vincent to the counter, “Have you met her yet, Harvey?”

Harvey was asked this exact question multiple times over the next couple of days. Pierre and Caroline both asked him about the new girl when he went to shop for groceries. They talked about how she had the same mischievous eyes as she used to have when she was a girl. Harvey thought that that was a silly thing to say. It’s not like she could grow a different set of eyes, of course they were the same, but he didn’t mention that. Instead he listened to Pierre recounting his first conversation with Ana and how she promised to be a loyal customer at his shop. He also told Harvey about her quitting her work at Joja Corporation to move here.  
“I knew they were mistreating their employees, I knew it!”, Pierre said with just a hint of insanity in his eyes, while Caroline nodded along, “Their success is built on exploitation and crime!”  
And from then on that was the only thing on the grocer’s mind, up until Harvey had paid and left the shop. 

On another day George and Evelyn came into the clinic for George’s weekly check-up. Evelyn mentioned that they had tea with Ana just that morning.  
“A very kind girl, very kind. Don’t you think George?”  
George grunted in response.  
“She even offered me to help decorate for the Egg Festival, isn’t that so lovely? Even though she has so much to do on the farm, especially now that it’s getting warmer. She said she’s started planting the first vegetables. I was wondering if she was a bit early with that? What do you think George?”  
“Don’t matter if she plants them today or next week, that soil is not going to grow much of anything”, he replied.  
Evelyn just shook her head slightly and before she could say anything else, George went on like he did every week, “How much longer do I have, doc?"

It seemed everyone was thrilled to have Ana in the Valley but nobody seemed quite as excited as Maru. She spent a lot of time on the farm and whenever she came to her shifts on Tuesdays and Thursdays, she had new stories about Ana.

“Yesterday Ana invited me over to the farm, she has adopted a new dog and she needed help giving him a bath. He’s still pretty young but he’s terrified of water so she couldn’t do it on her own although she did try very hard. When I got there the farmhouse was a mess, everything was covered in mud, even Ana! It took us three hours to get him clean and it only worked because Ana sat down in the tub with him, fully clothed. Otherwise he refused to sit still. So I basically gave both of them a good bath”, she narrated while they did the monthly stock-taking of the medication in the pharmacy. 

Harvey chuckled at the mental picture and for the first time since he was back at work he felt like he heard information about Ana that really mattered. If she got along so nicely with Maru he would probably get along with her as well. He also heard stories about Ana getting stuck on the roof during an attempted rescue mission of a bird she thought was injured but wasn’t, about how she got Maru, Leah and Penny to go for a quick dip into the pond outside the farmhouse with her, even though it was a cold spring night and about their girls’ nights out at the Saloon. 

“Ana’s so energetic”, Maru said after she just finished telling a story about how her new friend got their little girls group to have a bonfire at the beach and how even Sam, Sebastian and Abigail joined them for it, “She’s only been here for about a month but I think she’s really doing the community good. Don’t you?”  
Harvey shrugged.  
“I’ll have to take your word for it, Maru. I haven’t had the pleasure yet”, he replied honestly.  
“Oh yeah, I really can’t believe you haven’t met Ana yet. She tried so hard to say hello to everyone when she first got here.”  
“She’s forgotten about the good old doctor it seems”, Harvey joked although in the back of his mind he wondered why Ana has not taken the time to meet him. His clinic was right next to the grocery store and he knew for a fact that she was there to introduce herself.  
“Don’t take it personally, Harvey. Ana is always crazy busy. Honestly, I have no idea when she sleeps. She’s always up super late and up again super early. And during the day she’s constantly on the run, working on the farm or biking in and out of town. I can’t imagine how busy she’ll be once it’s time for the first harvest… Oh but we’re having dinner and a few drinks with her at the Saloon tonight at seven. You should join us!”, Maru offered and a big smile spread across her face.

Harvey thought about that for a second. After all the stories he heard about Ana, he was curious to meet this girl everybody seemed to like so much and he wasn’t really in the mood to make himself dinner either, a nice meal at the Saloon sounded like a good idea. But he was a bit nervous about coming along with the group. Penny and Leah were nice enough but he didn’t know them very well so he was worried it might be awkward. But then again, Maru would be there and she always managed to make him feel more comfortable. She had a calming presence, which probably rooted in the years of mutual trust as colleagues and friends. And wasn’t his resolution for this year to be a little braver? With one heavy sigh, he finally nodded.

“Yeah. That sounds like a plan.”  
“Amazing, Harvey! So tonight at seven. This will be so much fun! I just know it, you’re going to love Ana.”


	5. The Stardrop Saloon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey and Ana meet for the first time on a night out with friends

Harvey didn’t get to leave the clinic until past seven. Willy came in with an emergency, he had a hook stuck in his hand and Harvey had to properly remove it, clean and bandage the wound. Once he was able to dismiss Willy he was already running pretty late so he quickly changed into another pair of pants and a fresh shirt, deciding not to wear a tie tonight. He was in such a rush, he didn’t have time to think about how nervous he was up until he was standing outside of the Saloon at almost 7:30. 

He was very late. Too late to casually join the group, all eyes would be on him once he would approach the table. He didn’t like the thought of that one bit. He was a very confident doctor. Working in his practice, talking to his patients about their health and helping them get better were tasks he was secure in. But meeting people outside of the clinic was very difficult for Harvey. When there was no stethoscope or medical report to hide behind, that’s when he got really anxious. 

Of course, Harvey did have a few friends around the Valley, like Maru or her father Demetrius. But with them he would mostly talk about science. He also got along well with Gunther who worked at the library and, surprisingly enough, Elliott, the writer who lives in a secluded cottage by the beach. Probably because both of them were loners, like himself. 

After he stood in front of the Saloon for a few moments, his hand resting on the cold doorknob, he finally decided to just get it over with. He only had a handful of friends around here, he really couldn’t afford making Maru upset with him for not showing up when she was this excited to see him at the Saloon. With a lot of effort, he swung open the wooden door and entered. 

It was fairly busy for a Thursday night. He saw Pam and Shane, both drinking by themselves. That didn’t surprise Harvey but it did worry him. These two drank way too much for their own good. But he had to remind himself that he wasn’t here as a doctor, he was here as Harvey Rogers. Just another Villager.  
Mayor Lewis and Marnie were having dinner together. Given their infamous romance this was no surprise either. They both tried to look as professional as possible, probably trying to make everyone think they were talking about Marnie’s business. Harvey couldn’t help but wonder if they were still fooling anyone in the village.  
He could hear shouting coming from the arcade area of the Saloon, leading to the assumption that Abigail, Sam and Sebastian were also here. 

And then he saw the table he was going to spend his night at. Maru was half standing as she waved at him.  
“Over here!”, she shouted, making sure almost everyone in the Saloon was now looking at them.  
He felt his neck getting hot as he swiftly approached them. 

Seated at the table were Maru, Penny and Leah. He awkwardly greeted them and pulled out the chair next to Maru.  
“I’m so glad you came, Harvey! I told Emily we’d wait for you before we’re ordering our food. I was starting to think you might have forgotten”, she said as she watched him sit down.  
“There was an emergency at the clinic, I’m sorry I’m so late”, Harvey replied nervously.  
“No problem, doc”, replied Leah and took a sip of her wine.  
“Ana’s over there”, said Maru, pointing at the bar.

Standing with her back to the table, a young woman was leaning over the counter, intently talking to the owner of the Saloon, Gus. He appeared to be very amused by whatever she was saying as he chuckled along, his face turning an even darker shade of red.  
“She’s trying to talk Gus into reactivating the karaoke machine”, Leah explained, “She’s been working on that since day one I think”  
The girls laughed a little and Harvey was once more reminded of how out of place he was.  
“I think he’s bound to crack soon”, Leah went on, “He’s come to like her too much to say no for much longer”  
“I don’t think I’d be brave enough to sing in front of everyone at the Saloon”, Penny said carefully.  
“Oh, Penny. Karaoke isn’t a question of bravery, it’s a question of intoxication”, Leah replied and took another sip of her wine.  
“Hear, hear”, Maru said and copied her.  
Penny blushed a little, then looked at Pam, her mother who drank herself into a delirium at the bar, then fixed her glance on her glass of juice. Harvey pitied her. It must be very hard to see a loved one struggle with addiction and have other people joke about it. 

“Oh, Ana’s coming back! Let’s see what Gus said!”, Maru smiled, pointing at the bar.  
Harvey looked up and sure enough, the girl was now heading towards their table. 

Ana was the kind of woman that was effortlessly beautiful. Her hair was of a saturated black and she had tied it in a low ponytail. Some loose strands were framing her face in soft waves.  
Pretty much everything about her reminded Harvey of a heart. Her pale face was heart-shaped and her cheeks were flushed, making her look like a porcelain doll. Now he understood why Marnie said she looked delicate. She was wearing blue jeans with a flower print blouse that fell loosely around her frame. Her build was slim but soft, with hips that were well rounded, also shaped like a full heart. 

When her big, grey eyes met Harvey’s, she smiled brightly, revealing the slightest gap between her front teeth.  
“You must be the doctor!”, she said, reaching out her hand before she was remotely close enough for a handshake, “I’m Ana, it’s so nice to meet you! Maru has told me many things about you”  
Harvey awkwardly half lifted himself out of his chair and grabbed her hand. He watched her slim fingers disappear in his. Her hand was very cold, something that probably had to do with her working outside all day. The weather was getting warmer but it was still pretty chilly.

“Nice to meet you too, Ana. Maru has told me a lot about you as well”, he replied, his voice just a little shakier than he had liked.  
They let go of each other and she took a seat next to Harvey. Ana’s lips, he noticed were also shaped like a heart, adding to the look of a porcelain doll.  
“Gus said he’ll think about it”, she announced, smiling at her friends.  
“That’ll do for now”, replied Leah.

The girls started to talk about what songs they would like to sing once the karaoke machine was installed and Harvey nervously fidgeted with his glasses, until Emily approached their table. She was the barmaid and waitress at the Stardrop Saloon and very lively. Her bright blue hair screamed eccentric but she was genuinely nice and always happy. In that very manner, she took their orders and headed back over to the bar. 

After that Ana turned to face Harvey.  
“So, how long have you been here? In the Valley I mean”, she asked in a very casual but friendly tone.  
Small talk was something Harvey trained himself to be good at. It was pretty much part of his job. So his response was practically automated.  
“I’ve moved here six years ago. It’ll be seven next fall.”  
Ana nodded, then frowned a little.  
“I imagine it must be very hard to be the doctor in a small town like this one?”, she continued.

This took Harvey by surprise. He wasn’t expecting to leave the safe harbour of small talk quite so early and besides, he didn’t remember ever being asked that question before.

“Well uhm…”, he began clumsily, “It can be difficult, that’s true. But… well it’s very rewarding work.”  
Harvey studied Ana’s face. He was surprised to see what appeared to be genuine interest as she nodded along while he talked.  
“And why did you come to the Valley?”

Another one of these questions Harvey wasn’t prepared for. Most people assumed that he came here because he wanted to be independent or because work in the village was more relaxed than in the city. But that wasn’t the reason Harvey decided to leave. He readjusted his glasses.  
“I used to work in a big hospital in Zuzu City. It was fine for a while but after a few years I realised that the doctor-patient-relationship just wasn’t valued anymore. My co-workers acted like the patients came in and out on an assembly line. They didn’t bother getting to know the people who needed their help. And I think to properly diagnose someone, it’s important to learn about their lives and habits. But there was no space for that in Zuzu City and when I was given the opportunity to leave and move here I took it without second thought.”

Harvey realised that Maru, Penny and Leah have started a conversation of their own but Ana was still listening closely.  
“That’s very admirable”, she said with a serious tone, “I’m sure you left a lot behind.”  
Harvey felt his neck burning. He wasn’t used to being the centre of any attention. His conversations usually revolved around his patients. It felt unfamiliar, but nice.  
“I knew it was the right thing to do”, he replied, readjusting his glasses once more. 

Emily was now bringing out their food and placed it on the table. All of the girls had ordered pasta with some garlic bread but Harvey decided to have a salad.  
“Very healthy”, commented Ana, as Emily placed the plate in front of him.  
“Practice what you preach”, he replied and was feeling oddly satisfied when he saw a smile form on Ana’s face, revealing a single, deep dimple. 

Throughout the dinner, it became very clear to Harvey, why everyone in Pelican Town was so excited about Ana. She was wonderful at holding a conversation by asking questions and nodding at all the right places, making jokes with seemingly effortless timing and ease. Not once was there an uncomfortable lull in the exchange and she managed to make Harvey feel interesting. Which is something he knew he wasn’t. People would ask him a question or two before giving up on him. He saw the same thing happen with Penny and Leah, they listened to some parts of Harvey and Ana’s conversation but usually picked up a discussion of their own after a minute or two. 

Maru participated in their chat a little more actively. Ana asked about their work at the clinic and they shared some fun anecdotes from their years of working together. It was only when Penny and Leah decided to head out and wished everyone a good night that Harvey realised how little he asked Ana about herself. Maru appeared to have had the same thought.

“But that’s more than enough about work, why don’t you tell Harvey about the farm, Ana?”  
Ana waved her hand dismissively.  
“There’s not much to say, honestly. I just started planting some veggies but that’s about it.”  
“That’s not true! You’ve gotten so much done! You cleaned up a great chunk of land and you repaired the sheds and painted the fences…”  
“I’m still very far from where I want to be though”, Ana replied with a weak smile.

At that moment Emily rang the bell, signalling the last round.  
Maru perked up.  
“Is it that late already? I better get going, dad will be worried”, she said while grabbing her bag.  
“I should get going too”, Ana said, getting up with Maru, “I have to get up early tomorrow.”

They went to the bar and paid for their food and drinks. Harvey couldn’t help but notice that Ana has stuck to juice all night. But that made sense once they went outside and he saw that she was here by bike. She probably wanted to stay sober for the ride.  
“You have a long way home”, he remarked, slightly concerned.  
“It’s half bad”, she replied with a smile, “It’s only fifteen minutes on my bike”

The three of them walked up to the clinic, Ana pushing her rusty bike and once they were there, it was time to part ways. Maru went to the right, Ana to the left.  
“Take care!”, Maru shouted after her friend and Ana turned around on her bike, waving goodnight.

“So?”, she said after the farmer had disappeared into the night, “Isn’t she the best?”  
“She’s very… nice”, Harvey said, knowing that this was an absolute understatement.  
Ana was funny, witty, smart and kind.  
“I knew you’d like her. She seemed to be very interested in you too”, Maru remarked but before Harvey could ask any follow-up questions, she said her goodbyes and walked off.

When Harvey went to bed that night he couldn’t help but think about the farmer. The way she talked and laughed and listened.  
She seemed very interested, Maru said. Could she have meant… But that was ridiculous. She was too young. He tried his best to brush if off. But as he drifted off to sleep he was still thinking about those bright grey eyes.


	6. The Egg Festival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey and Ana get into an awkward conversation at the Egg Festival

Pelican Town was known for its flamboyant festivals. The town hosted nine of these events every year, one bigger, louder and more colourful than the other. On these occasions Harvey felt absolutely out of his element. But as an important member of the community he was expected to participate in all of the festivals, which was an absolute nightmare to him. Large crowds made him feel anxious and talking to the villagers outside of the practice was still difficult for him.  
In his six years of living in the Valley he had managed to avoid only two festivals by pretending to visit medical conventions in Zuzu City. But there was no way around this year’s Egg Festival.

Days before the event was set to take place he could see Evelyn, Marnie, Emily, Lewis and Gus working on the town square right outside of his clinic, to prepare everything for the big day. They set up blankets, chairs and tables, decorated everything with flowers and baskets full of painted eggs. He could hear their voices floating into the clinic and once or twice while looking out through the small windows, that overlooked the square, he caught a glimpse of Ana who seemed to help with setting everything up. 

Harvey found that thinking about the new farmer made his fingers prickle in excitement, so he tried to keep her from crossing his mind. A crush on Ana was bound to end in disappointment, he had no doubt about that. She was too young and besides, he was her doctor. Or he should be anyways. Ana has not been to the practice to register with him yet, he planned on asking her about that. It was only wise to have one’s doctor nearby. 

As much as Harvey dreaded it, the day of the Egg Festival approached at a fast pace and much sooner than he would have liked he was awoken by Gus and Emily who set up all the food for the party just outside of his apartment.   
With an enormous sigh, Harvey heaved himself out of bed, to get ready. The festival started at nine and lasted all day. For the past five years Harvey always showed up on time, grabbed a bite, watched the highlight of the party, the Egg Hunt, and then he called it a day, disappearing without anybody noticing. A schedule he planned on sticking to today.

He washed up, shaved, groomed his moustache, got dressed and closed the door to the clinic behind him at precisely nine. The square was still mostly empty. Emily and Gus were having a glass of lemonade, chatting away. Mayor Lewis was talking to Marnie, following her around as she hid the last eggs in preparation for the Egg Hunt. George and Evelyn were there too, Harvey decided to head on over to talk to them, they usually made conversations fairly easy for him. 

“Good morning, Evelyn. George”, he greeted them.  
Evelyn smiled at him while George just grunted.  
“Good morning, doctor Harvey”, she said and her husband grunted once more, “What a wonderful day for a festival. The tulips are especially lovely this year, don’t you think?”  
“Oh yes, they are gorgeous”, Harvey replied and as he had expected, Evelyn began to tell him all about tulips, how to grow them and how she had been worried that they might not bloom on time because it was a very chilly start into the year.   
He listened and smiled, nodded along. Evelyn was very endearing and as she talked about flowers and the decorations, Harvey noticed a mild smile form on George’s face as he listened to his wife. 

At quarter to ten, pretty much all the villagers have gathered in the square and Mayor Lewis began his speech to kick the festival off.  
“Good morning, good morning!”, he said, “How wonderful to see everyone up and running on this special day! On the day of the Egg Festival, we celebrate the end of the cold season and thank the spirits for guiding us through the past few months. Of course, we will also eat until we’re about to explode, kudos to Gus and Emily for preparing this incredible egg based meal, and of course we will also have our annual Egg Hunt!”

The two youngest villagers, Vincent and Jas both jumped up and down in excitement after hearing the last announcement and everyone in the square laughed a little. The Egg Hunt was very popular amongst the two of them. The older people of Pelican Town did not usually participate. 

“But before we get this party started, I would like to say thank you to everyone who spent hours preparing this wonderful day for all of us”, Mayor Lewis continued, “Once more I would like to say thanks to Emily and Gus for spoiling us with great food and drinks. To Marnie and her chicken for providing eggs and of course to Evelyn and Ana, for decorating the square with such an eye for detail.”  
“And thank you to Mayor Lewis!”, shouted Marnie.  
“Hear, hear!”, Robin roared and everybody raised their glasses. 

The rest of the morning was spent eating and drinking. Everyone was deep in conversations, sipping on sparkling wine or pale ale while music was playing from a speaker near Pierre’s store. Harvey ate some of the food, it was very tasty but very filling and he tried to stick with the healthier options to set a good example as the town’s doctor. He had a quick chat with Demetrius about recent studies concerning the correlation of mosquito bites and nosebleeds, before walking around on his own for a while, not sure how to join any other conversation. As he was wondering whether he could leave before the Egg Hunt started, someone touched his arm. 

He looked up and into a pair of bright grey eyes.   
“Hello Harvey!”, Ana smiled, “How are you?”  
“I’m great”, Harvey replied, his fingers prickling nervously as she tilted her head a little. She was wearing another pair of jeans and a pastel yellow blouse, contrasting her black hair that was constructed into a skilful braid.   
“Are you sure?”, she asked back and Harvey laughed awkwardly.  
“Of course! I’m just not really one for… well… crowds.”  
Ana nodded with a weak smile.  
“That’s a shame, I was just about to ask you if you wanted to participate in the Egg Hunt.”  
Harvey’s eyes widened in shock.  
“Oh… I… I don’t think… It’s for the younger villagers… I’m not”  
„It’s for everyone!“, Ana interrupted, laughing a little, “I already talked Maru, Abigail, Leah, Alex, Haley, Emily and Sam into it.”  
Harvey felt his face growing hot as he was desperately trying to figure out what to say but before he could say anything at all, Ana shook her head.  
“Don’t worry, I won’t apply force”, she winked and Harvey felt his ears growing hotter.   
“Ana, come on, we’re all getting ready”, Leah shouted from the middle of the square, where a small group has gathered, ready to start the Egg Hunt.  
“Coming!”, Ana waved and then turned to Harvey, “I’ll talk to you after! Don’t run away.”

Mayor Lewis was clearly surprised by the large number of participants.  
“What a turnout!”, he said, “Well, you know the rules! You have three minutes to collect as many eggs as possible. They are hidden near the town square. The person returning with the most eggs wins a big prize! Are you ready? Three… Two… One… GO!”

The crowd was cheering as the hunters split up to look for eggs. A few people seemed a little more enthused than others. Alex, for example, was wearing a very determined look on his face, as he pushed Sam out of the way to get an egg. Harvey assumed that that was the athlete in him. Maru and Leah had a blast as they raced for one of the eggs hidden behind a fence and Haley and Emily have apparently decided to work in a team, as Emily balanced her sister on her shoulders so she could reach an egg that was stuck between two twigs in a tree.   
It was a very nice thing to watch, Harvey thought. And as he looked around he caught a glimpse of Ana who was pointing little Vincent, one of the two kids participating, to an area nobody else had taken on and that was still full of hidden eggs. Vincent ran excitedly into that direction and Ana caught Harvey’s eye. She turned over her basket, showing him that it was completely empty, then she shrugged and laughed a little, before wandering off with a swing in her step. He smiled, his neck prickling slightly. Something about Ana was just so… likeable. 

Once the hunt was over, the participants gathered around Lewis who cracked the same joke as he did every year about how he wished the kids would pick up litter this efficiently. Then he counted the eggs and announced the winner. Alex had collected a total of nine eggs, his prize was a large bag full of candy, not exactly a great treat for an athlete. He looked at the bag in disappointment before giving it to Jas and Vincent who immediately stopped their pouting and dug in.

After that, the real party started, because that’s when everyone but the younglings began drinking without reservation. Someone turned up the music and people were dancing. This was usually when Harvey snuck back into the clinic. And so he was about to drink the last of his juice before turning in. 

“You’re not about to leave, are you?”, Ana said, appearing next to him out of nowhere and Harvey almost spilled his drink.   
“Huh?”, he replied, flustered.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you”, she giggled and Harvey couldn’t help but notice that she was sticking to non-alcoholic beverages as well.   
“You didn’t”, lied Harvey and after a short pause, “It was very nice of you to help Vincent”  
Ana shrugged.  
“It’s not particularly fair to have adults compete with little kids. Their legs are way shorter and they have no concept of space”, she laughed, “I’m going to ask Lewis if we can organise a separate Egg Hunt for the kids next year. Then I can show Alex who’s the true boss around here.”  
Harvey laughed.  
“Yeah, it’s probably not very good for his ego to win any more prizes”, he agreed.   
“And next year you’ll participate too!”  
“I doubt that”, Harvey replied, readjusting his glasses.  
“I’ll make you”, Ana replied with a devilish grin on her face that made Harvey’s heart flutter.   
Was she… flirting? No way, she was just being nice.   
“I though you’re not using force?”  
Ana bit her lip a little, thinking of a response, then she smiled, “In some particularly stubborn cases, I suppose a little force is necessary.”  
Once more, Harvey was uncertain if Ana was flirting or if this was all tongue-in-cheek. So he just laughed a little, while nervously fidgeting with his glasses. 

There was a little pause while Ana took a sip of her juice and looked over to Emily who had dragged Clint onto the dancefloor. She smiled at the sight of them, dancing awkwardly. Harvey thought about asking Ana if she wanted to dance with him but he couldn’t stand the thought of himself dancing in front of everyone, there was enough time for that at the next festival, the Flower Dance. Besides, why would she want to dance with him in the first place? He felt stupid for thinking this and at the same time he felt pathetic for not being brave enough to just do it.

“Ana”, he said then, changing his voice, causing her to look at him in surprise, “I think it advisable for you to register at my practice. Having your doctor in Zuzu City is not ideal if you plan on staying here. It comes with a lot of extra fees and paperwork.”  
Suddenly it was Ana who seemed uncomfortable. Harvey hated himself for doing this. It was some kind of defence mechanism he had taught himself. Whenever he felt anxious or insecure he was hiding behind his position as a doctor. It made it so easy to distance himself and, because he was confident in his job, it gave him some sense of security, but it usually made the people he was talking to feel discontent and Ana was no exception.

“Oh… Yes… I’m pretty busy these days, the first vegetables are almost ready to be harvested but… I’ll make sure to stop by the clinic sometime…”, she replied and the silence that followed was a painful reminder of how bad Harvey was at socializing. 

He has never been the type to run out and just make friends. When he was a kid he was mostly playing by himself. In school he made a few friends but it wasn’t until he started med school, that he had a bigger social circle and that was because all the med students at the University of Zuzu City were a very tight-knit community to begin with. It took Harvey a little longer before he could relax around people and even then, he was still a little on edge. Especially when being around someone like Ana, someone so beautiful and outgoing it seemed impossible to just lay back.

After a few moments of awkward silence, Ana gave Harvey a weak smile, “I think I’ll go and say thank you to Gus, the food was divine. Maybe he’ll give me his recipe for the fried eggs.”  
“Yes… yes, of course”, Harvey replied, “Eggs definitely have a place in a well-balanced diet!”

With a little wave Ana left Harvey behind. He looked after her as she walked up to Gus, effortlessly joining his conversation with Pam. How much he would have given to be confident enough to do the same. 

Harvey had no interest in staying at the festival any longer. What for? He couldn’t even take his doctor’s hat off for one afternoon. And so he decided to call it a day, heading up to the clinic and disappearing without anybody noticing.


	7. The Tire Swing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana writes to her sister, telling her all about life in the Valley and about a certain doctor that has caught her eye.

to: romibb@zumail.fr  
from: anabb@zumail.fr  
object: spring has sprung

You won’t believe it, Romi!

The other day while I cleared up the debris around the farm I found our old tire swing, do you remember it? Grandpa made it for us. He used an old tractor tire and some rope he found in the shed. All morning he spent looking for the sturdiest tree on the farm before he put it up. And we played on it for hours and hours on end.  
It's broken now, the rope ripped and the tire is covered in moss and mud but I think I’ll fix it and put it back up. It’s a little reminder of those summers, when everything was just a little bit easier. 

It's been over two months since I moved to the Valley and things are really starting to look up! Spring is finally here and the weather is so nice. My first plants are growing at an incredible pace, nature is truly amazing. My first harvest should be ready soon and I can’t wait. I’m running a little low on money so it’ll be nice to finally make some profit (I won’t starve until then, please don’t worry). 

I’m also getting along with the people of Pelican Town fairly well. I spend a lot of time with Maru, Leah and Penny. They’re truly inspiring!  
Maru is so smart it’s intimidating! She builds those crazy complicated gadgets and she knows all about astronomy. But that shouldn’t be a surprise, really. Remember when she took summer classes? For fun? A true madwoman!  
Leah’s relatively new to the Valley so you can’t know her but you’d definitely love her. She’s an aspiring artist and she moved here to get away from her monotonous life in the city (sounds familiar?). We’re helping her organize an art show to get her name out there, I know she has it in her. Her art is amazing.  
And Penny is probably the sweetest person I have ever met in my life (second only to you of course). She teaches the two kids in the town, Vincent and Jas and they love her. But I’m kinda worried about her because her mom Pam is having troubles with alcohol and it’s really weighing Penny down. They have to live in a shabby little trailer together, neither has room to breathe. I wish there was something I could do to help…

But Pam isn’t the only one who has troubles with alcohol, I’m afraid. I met this guy Shane at the Saloon, the first night I went out and I went to introduce myself but he was pretty aggressive, basically shoving me away. Maru told me to stay away from him because he’s got ‘ _issues_ ’ and I thought that was so sad.  
One time when I went to the Saloon to pick up some dinner for myself I saw him sit at the bar, all by himself. He seemed very lost so I decided to sit and have dinner next to him.  
You always say “ _People don’t want you to talk, they want you to listen_ ” so that’s what I did. He didn’t say anything the first night I did that, just grunted and mumbled a little. But when I did the same thing a few more times, he did talk. He mostly talked about how much he hates his job at Joja (again, sounds familiar?) and about how tired he is. One night he even said something along the lines of ‘’ _preciate it_ ’ though, so that was nice. 

After the Egg Festival the other week I met him by the lake on my way home. He was pretty out of it but I knew he needed someone so I sat on the dock with him while he drank a little more. And then, out of nowhere, he opened up a bit. He told me how he felt like nothing he was doing could take him anywhere and that he was tired of trying, tired of living in this hopeless pit. He reminded me of myself, the night I decided to move here. So I told him that. And then he started rambling about the Flower Dance? Apparently that’s another Festival here in Pelican Town where you go to dance with a partner.  
He told me how he always just stood on the side, watching, never getting to dance. He pushes people away to protect himself but because of that nobody wants anything to do with him. 

I promised him I’d go to that dance with him. And in true Shane manner he said he doesn’t want me to go just because I pity him. But that’s not why I want to go with him. I want to go with him because I’m his friend. He looked really happy when I said that. Well… happier than I’ve seen him before anyways. But it’s a start. 

So now, in preparation for this Flower Dance, I practice at night in the farmhouse. I really wish you were around to teach me. You’ve always had a better sense of rhythm and balance. But we’ll make our way through, Shane and I.

But then there’s another strange man here in Pelican Town (it’s full of them, really). The town’s doctor, Harvey… He’s kind of… cute?  
I know you want to know all about him but I don’t know much yet to be quite honest.  
He’s not actually my type, he’s a bit older with a moustache and glasses and he dresses like a teacher but he’s smart and compassionate (so really not what I go for usually which is funny because it’s sad). I don’t know how to explain it, he just radiates an aura that makes me feel like everything is going to be okay, even though he seems a little nervous sometimes. Does that make any sense at all?  
I just know you’re gonna make fun of me for this but I think I have a little crush on him. I like how he fidgets with his glasses while he talks and how his eyes light up when he smiles, it’s so nice.  
He asked me to come to his practice to register with him though, so I’m afraid this relationship will be strictly professional. I told him I’d come by to do all of that, but as you know, I’m a little nervous at hospitals so I’ll definitely put that one up for as long as possible.  
I just wish there was a way to talk to him without all that… well… medical stuff. Truly, I think there’s a lot to him, he’s just afraid to show it. 

Anyways… It’s way past midnight and I’m wide awake. I still can’t really sleep around here. The forest is so loud and the house moans and aches as it settles around me. It’s gotten a bit better since I got the stray (I decided to name him Cow because he’s as big as one). His snoring is almost as loud as Anthony’s was, so at least there’s one familiar sound around here.  
Cow’s gotten a lot better since I got him. He put on quite a bit of weight and I potty trained him. I think he’s a very good boy and I would both kill and die for him. We still have to work on his fear of water though, especially because he enjoys extended playtimes in the mud and subsequent naps on the armchair.  
We’ll get there, I know it.

Talk to you very soon!  
Love,  
at any time of the day,  
Ana


	8. Town Square

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An incident in Pelican Town reveals bits of the past Ana has left behind in Zuzu City

Harvey has always been a creature of habit. But since he moved to Pelican Town, this trait has been reinforced significantly. Everyone here had their routines, daily tasks and rhythms and it was simply contagious. Soon after he first arrived he found himself a little regime, that he followed for every single day of the week. Therefore, on Friday at around noon, he ventured out to buy some groceries.

He was unsure at first, if he wanted to shop at Pierre’s or if he should head to Joja Mart. He knew he should go to Pierre’s to buy fresh produce so he could cook himself proper meals. In the winter he tended to get himself some convenience food because he was always fairly busy and had little energy to cook, even though he was fully aware of the fact that this was the unhealthier option. And now that it was spring he should definitely get into preparing his own meals again, especially because he had gained quite a few pounds lately and it started to show. He had no arguments against shopping at Pierre’s besides his own laziness and thus he found himself in the store right next to his clinic just a few minutes later.

Upon entering, Pierre immediately left the till to stand next to Harvey while he picked out his groceries.  
“Very good choice, doctor, very good. Caroline just loves the stuff, she sprinkles it over every single one of our meals, it makes them much more palatable… not that they’re not palatable but… well… you know”, Pierre rambled on and when Harvey grabbed a few parsnips he nodded, “Oh yes, they are very fresh, very fresh! Just came in this morning, Ana grew them herself on Beesburg Farm! So they’re local as well! Joja Mart could never!”

Harvey felt a little excitement shooting through him at the mention of Ana and, holding her crops in hand, he was looking forward to cooking his own meals a bit more. Quietly thinking about how he would compliment her farming skills next time he bumped into her, he walked back to the till, closely followed by Pierre. He paid for the groceries and with a swing in his step he left the store and stepped out on the town square, almost bumping into someone. 

A young man, nearly as tall as himself, was standing in front of the bulletin board that was mounted on the wall next to the entry to the grocery shop. He turned to look at Harvey with bright blue eyes, his blonde hair tied in a bun.  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be in the way”, he said, apologetically.  
“Not to worry”, replied Harvey as he started moving around the stranger who resumed looking at the map of the town and its surroundings.

He seemed pretty confused as he mumbled under his breath. Harvey wasn’t sure if he should offer his help, after all the guy was a complete stranger, probably just a tourist from the city who was going for a hike in the Valley. But once he reached the door to the clinic, his desire to help got the best of him. As a doctor, readiness to help anyone and everyone was in his nature. 

“Need some assistance?”, he asked and the stranger looked up. At first he seemed confused, like he had forgotten Harvey was there in the first place but then he smiled slightly.  
“Uh… Yeah actually. I’m looking for the farm? Beesburg Farm? It should be around here somewhere.”  
“May I ask why?”  
Harvey knew this was rude but he couldn’t help himself. The guy was wearing tight jeans and a leather jacket with a white V-neck shirt underneath. His ears were pierced and he wore sneakers that probably cost more than all of the clothes Harvey wore combined. He didn’t look exactly like the kind of guy who would just go visit a farm for fun. To his surprise, the stranger laughed a little.

“Well… My girlfriend decided to move here a few months ago. She said she needs to ‘ _figure some stuff out_ ’. I’ve come to see if she’s done with that.”  
Harvey felt his heart sink. He didn’t know Ana had a boyfriend in Zuzu City. The feeling of disappointment swiftly turned into shame. What was he thinking? A beautiful young woman like her, of course she had a boyfriend. And of course her boyfriend would look like Mr. Tightpants-Manbun here. He felt stupid for ever thinking that Ana was flirting with him to begin with.

“Sir?”, Mr. Tightpants-Manbun said, dragging Harvey back to reality.  
Did he just call him sir? How much older did he think Harvey was?  
“It’s Doctor”, Harvey replied with an undertone so sour, he didn’t recognise his voice at first.  
“I’m sorry… Doctor”, the guy said, looking a little confused.

Harvey had no idea why he lashed out like this. It’s not like it’s the guy’s fault that he had a crush on Ana. He’s done nothing wrong. And still, he felt an unreasonable amount of dislike for this man and his stupidly expensive sneakers.  
For a quick moment Harvey considered sending Mr. Tightpants-Manbun in the wrong direction but he knew that he could never bring himself to do that. And so he raised his arm to point down the path leading out of town.

“Ana!”, the guy shouted, leaving Harvey to be the confused one this time around. But as he looked down the path himself, he saw the farmer heading into town on her rusty bike, carrying a bouquet of tulips in a basket.  
“Thanks for the help, doc”, the stranger said as he walked towards her, Harvey’s anger rising once more.  
_Doc_.

“What are you doing here, Anthony?”, he heard Ana say, as she reached her boyfriend just a few feet away from Harvey.  
He knew that listening in on people’s conversation was not a thing he should be doing but he couldn’t help himself so he pretended to look for his keys, even though he knew that they were lying peacefully in the pocket of his jacket.

“I came to check on you”, Anthony replied.  
“Why?”, Ana said and Harvey was surprised at the tone in her voice.  
“Because”, Anthony said, seemingly getting a little impatient, “You’ve been gone for more than three months by now. Don’t you think it’s time to come home?”  
“I _am_ home”, Ana replied, causing Anthony to laugh.  
“Come on, we both know you’re not serious.”

Harvey knew that his little charade was becoming suspicious so he finally pulled out his keys and slowly unlocked the door to the clinic.

“I am _very_ serious, Anthony”, Ana replied firmly, starting to push her bike past her boyfriend.  
“No, you’re not.”  
“I sold my furniture, moved out of my apartment, I quit my job, deleted all of my social medias and even changed my phone number. What part in all of this makes you think I’m not being serious?”, she snapped, her voice quivering with what Harvey thought to be anger.  
“You’ve always had a tendency to be overly dramatic, Ana. I know you well enough to…”  
“You don’t know me, Anthony. One of the reasons why I broke up with you before I moved here.”

At this Harvey couldn’t help but look up. They were now standing only two feet away from him, Ana was clinging to the handles of her bike, her face flushed. Anthony rolled his eyes.  
“You broke up with me because you had to ‘ _figure some stuff out_ ’”, he replied with overly exaggerated air quotes, “Don’t you think three months is enough for whatever kind of soul searching you had to do?”  
“It’s not about soul searching, Anthony. It’s about finding something that I enjoy, something that makes me happy. And I’m really not surprised at the fact that you have not bothered asking me if I’m happy around here.”  
“You were happy in the city”, he said, apparently a little taken aback by her briskness. 

“Go home, Anthony”, she simply replied.  
“Only if you come with me. You need me, Ana. You know that just as well as I do.”  
“I don’t need you, I don’t need anyone for that matter. I’m perfectly happy on that farm by myself”, she replied and started moving again, pushing her bike with her.  
“Ana”, Anthony said, placing a hand around her wrist, keeping her from moving “Stop that stupid game and just come home with me!”  
“Let go, Anthony”, she replied with a sudden calm in her voice.

Harvey had completely forgotten to look busy but it didn’t matter because the two of them didn’t seem to notice he was there at all.  
“No, Ana. You’re coming home with me”, his voice was a little less controlled than hers, “You’re going to go pack your things and we’ll take the next bus back to Zuzu City.”  
Ana shook her head and that’s when Anthony started pulling her. He pulled her on her arm, his hand locked around her wrist tightly. Ana tumbled in his direction, her bike fell over, the tulips she had in her basket falling out and onto the cobblestones that formed the square. 

“Let me go!”, she shrieked, causing Harvey to run up to them.  
“Hey!”, he shouted, his arms raised, “Stop that!”  
Anthony looked at Harvey in surprise but he did stop pulling Ana towards him.  
“Don’t get involved, doc. You don’t understand the half of it.”  
“I think I understand perfectly well that she does not want to come with you so let go of her.”

They have caused quite the commotion and several heads were popping out of windows and some people even appeared in the town square. Pierre has left his shop and was now standing next to Harvey.  
“Let go or we’ll call the police! I have a phone in my shop, my wife will call the cops without hesitation!”, Pierre said, pointing back at Caroline who stood in the door, taking in the scene. 

Anthony let go of Ana, raising his hands defensively. Penny appeared and carefully lead Ana away from the square and out of sight.  
“You guys don’t understand. She needs someone to look after her. She needs me to look after her!”, Anthony said, both hands pressed against his chest now.  
“I think you need Ana more than she needs you. And I also think you have overstayed your welcome”, said Harvey very firmly.  
“Fine. I know she’ll come to her senses anyways”, Anthony grumbled before he turned around and walked away towards the bus stop. 

As quickly as the crowd has come to be, it dissolved as people went after their day. Caroline ran out of the shop and down the streets to the forest, definitely on her way to see Marnie to tell her all about what had just happened. Pierre returned to his shop and the faces in the windows disappeared.  
Harvey picked up Ana’s bike, noticing just how rusty it really was. It had probably already been used by her grandfather back in the day. He leaned the bike against the front of the clinic and he started picking up the tulips, most of which Anthony had stomped on. Some were still intact. He placed those in the basket of the bike, still trying to process what just happened. 

Then Harvey went back inside, attempting to focus on the paperwork he was meant to do this afternoon but it was difficult to concentrate. He wondered where Penny lead Ana off to and if she was alright.  
No wonder she came to live in the Valley. Being with a possessive guy like that must have been very hard.  
“She needs me to look after her”, he had said.  
Harvey snorted. Ridiculous. 

He sluggishly worked on the papers until he heard noises coming from outside the clinic. Looking up he could see Ana, Penny and Maru through the little window. He immediately got up from the chair and walked to the door, carefully opening it.

“Hey Harvey!”, Maru greeted him and the other girls looked up and in his direction.  
He felt his neck burn.  
“Hello”, he replied, “How are you?”  
Although not directed at anyone particularly, they knew he meant Ana.  
“I’m alright”, she replied with a weak smile.  
“A little bit shaken up”, explained Penny.  
“Thank you for picking up my bike”, Ana said, “It’s a shame about the tulips. They were meant for Evelyn. I promised her to bring some of the pink ones. She likes those best.”  
There was a sombre silence. 

“Well, I better get going”, she then said, “Cow is probably causing havoc on the farm. He’s started digging holes all over the grounds, it’s really annoying.”  
Harvey wondered how a cow could possibly dig a hole as she laughed a little. It didn’t sound very genuine.  
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay at my place tonight?”, Maru offered.  
“It’s alright”, Ana replied, “I’m sure he won’t show up again. And if he does, Cow will scare him off.”  
“But I’ll definitely walk you home, no arguing allowed”, Maru dictated.

“Well then”, Penny said, “Have a lovely evening!”  
The girls hugged and Ana thanked Penny a couple of times.  
“Bye Harvey”, Maru said.  
“Bye. And thank you, really”, Ana said with a serious expression while she grabbed her bike.  
“Of course”, Harvey replied, “Stay safe.”

He watched Ana and Maru walk off towards the farm, wishing he could escort her himself. If Anthony were to show up again, he doubted that Maru would be very intimidating to him. But at least she wasn’t by herself. And maybe a woman’s presence was a little nicer after the events of the day. 

Harvey went back into the clinic and sat down in one of the chairs of the waiting room. Starring at the posters with information concerning the flu shot, he thought about the farmer. He had no way of explaining why he felt so drawn to her, after all he knew little to nothing about her. But he wanted to. He wanted to get to know her. He wondered if that was a possibility in any universe.  
Clearly, he wasn’t her type, apparently her type was Anthony. But maybe the fact that he was so different was a good thing. Harvey could never treat her the way her ex did. Maybe… Just maybe…

Harvey shook his head as if he tried shaking off those thoughts. After everything that had transpired today, this was not something he should think about. He got up and decided to leave the paperwork for tomorrow. Instead he walked up into his apartment and began cooking himself some parsnip soup for dinner.


	9. The Beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey bumps into Ana at the beach, she tells him a little bit about herself and challenges him out of his comfort zone

This wasn’t the first time Harvey was called to the beach in the middle of the night. There had been several instances of Elliott calling the doctor to his small cottage by the beach because he was feeling violently ill way past midnight. And each time he diagnosed him with a bad case of food poisoning, which rooted in Elliott’s love for sea food and his poor cooking skills. This night was no different. He got the call at one in the morning and rushed down to the beach as fast as he could.

Elliott was lying in his bed, moaning and groaning while Harvey examined him. If he would not have considered the aspiring writer to be a friend of his he would have been annoyed but he even managed to muster up some pity as he prescribed antibiotics and reminded Elliott multiple times to rehydrate to the best of his abilities and to never eat sea food that wasn’t fresh or properly prepared. Harvey was seriously concerned that one of these times the writer would eat something potentially lethal. 

He packed his bag and wished Elliott all the best.  
“Should you start feeling worse, call me”, Harvey said, hoping that this would not be the case, “But I think you’re all set for the night. I’ll check in with you tomorrow.”  
“Thank you so much, Doctor. I’d succumb to my illness if it weren’t for you”, Elliott replied with a hoarse voice.  
Harvey ignored the dramatics and headed to the door. With one last wave, he left the cottage and closed the door behind him. 

It was a cold spring night but the moon was very bright and lit the beach up just enough so that Harvey didn’t need to use the torch he brought with him. He walked back towards the village, sand filling his shoes with every step he took when suddenly he spotted a lonely figure standing by the edge of the water. His heart started pounding. Who was at the beach at two in the morning? Was Willy fishing in the middle of the night? Or was it one of the younger villagers seeking refuge from their parents? Or was it a stranger?

But as he walked a little closer he could make out the silhouette of a young woman, hugging herself tightly, with black hair that was tied into a low ponytail. It was Ana, standing by the water and looking out into the distance. Harvey was unsure if he should walk up to her, after all if she decided to come to the beach in the middle of the night, she probably wanted to be left alone. No matter how badly he wanted to talk to her without anyone else around, he decided to leave her be. And so he started moving again, towards the little path, through a small forest and into Pelican Town. But as he started walking again, Ana abruptly turned around, looking directly at Harvey who felt his neck burn.

“Oh…”, he began, “Hello Ana. What a coincidence.”  
“Is that you, Harvey?”, she asked, apparently unable to make out his features in the darkness.  
“Yes”, he replied lamely as he realised how weird it must seem for him to be at the beach in the middle of the night so he explained, “I was just making a house call”  
Ana was standing about twenty feet away from Harvey and the moon lit up her face eerily so that he could not make out her expression.  
“I hope everything is okay”, she said after a little pause.  
“Yes, everything is going to be just fine”, he replied with confidence in his voice, making him sound very professional.  
In the pale light of the night he could just barely see her nod her head in response.

“May I ask what you’re doing out here so late at night?”, he asked without thinking and bit his tongue immediately.  
He didn’t mean to sound so interrogative. But Ana seemed very relaxed as she said “Come here”.  
With some hesitation, Harvey walked over the sandy ground, closer to Ana who turned back around to face the ocean.  
He stopped next to her, making sure there was enough space between them so she wouldn’t feel uncomfortable.  
“Look”, she said and Harvey looked.  
He saw the ocean, sparkling in the silver light of the moon and the stars. He saw waves fading in and out in a soothing rhythm. He saw the foamy crowns the water was wearing as it approached the shore just out of reach of their feet. It was stunning.

“It’s so beautiful here in the Valley”, Ana said into the silence.  
“It is”, Harvey replied, unable to come up with anything better.  
“When we were kids my sister and I would spend every summer here on my grandpa’s farm. And when we were a little older we would sometimes sneak out in the middle of the night and come here to just… sit and talk”, Ana said and it sounded like she was smiling, “I’m pretty sure our grandpa knew about it but we never got into any trouble.”  
“This place must hold a lot of memories”, Harvey remarked.  
“It does”, Ana said, “And every day new ones resurface. It’s bittersweet”  
“What is your sister doing? Why did she not come with you?”, Harvey asked, genuinely curious.  
“Romi studied to be a doctor, like you. She always wanted to go abroad and help people who are less fortunate. This is the only thing she ever wanted to do. I don’t think a farm could come between her and her dream.”  
“She sounds like a great person”, Harvey said.  
“She’s the best.”  
“And your parents? Are they going to come visit you?”

The silence that followed made Harvey regret what he had said. It was a short pause before Ana spoke again but it weighed heavy. It was the first time since she moved here that she talked about her personal life and he wanted to get to know her so badly, he didn’t think about potentially crossing a line.  
“Maybe”, she replied.  
A longer silence ensued. Harvey pressed his lips together firmly to make sure no more questions would leave his mouth. The only noise was the steady swooshing of the waves. It was a strange silence. Not comfortable, yet not uncomfortable. It was strange in a good and in a bad way.

“I can’t sleep in the farmhouse”, Ana said after what felt both long and short.  
“That’s normal. It takes a while for the body to adjust”, Harvey replied, again with some confidence in his voice, “You need to be familiar with your surroundings to feel comfortable enough to sleep without disruption. It’s evolutionary”  
“Yeah, I figured”, she replied and after a short pause she added, “I really like being here. Everyone is so nice and I enjoy the work on the farm a lot. It’s just the nights that scare me a little. Isn’t that so silly? I’m a grown woman, I shouldn’t be scared of the dark”  
“There’s no shame in being scared, Ana”, he replied in a soothing tone, “Especially not of the unfamiliar. And for what it’s worth… Everyone I know loves having you here. You really fit in well. Better than I do, that’s for sure and you’ve only been here for three months.”  
He was trying to make a joke to lighten her mood a little but when she turned to look at him, her face was serious.  
“Harvey, I think you don’t see how valued you are in this community.”

He swallowed hard. Never in his life had he considered himself valued. He knew people respected him for his title but besides that he didn’t believe he brought much to the table.  
“You’ve got so much going for you, you just don’t want to see it”, she continued, placing a hand on his shoulder, causing Harvey to blush hard.  
“Thank you…”, he managed to say. He wasn’t used to compliments.

In the pale light of the moon it was hard to make out Ana’s face but Harvey thought he could see a little smile on her face.  
“You know what I think?”, she said, her hand moving from his shoulder to his arm, causing a prickling sensation down his neck, “I think you’re so used to helping others, it’s hard for you to focus on yourself.”  
What she said barely registered with Harvey, he was so focused on her gentle touch. Regardless, he nodded and said “Yeah, that might be”.  
“I think you’re a really sweet guy, Harvey”, Ana said, letting go of his arm, “You just need to let your guard down a little.”

Harvey laughed nervously.  
“I don’t really know how though”, he replied.  
Ana tilted her head a bit and he thought he could make out a devious smile.  
“It’s easy, really”, she said after a short pause, “I can help you if you like”  
And with that she did something Harvey had not expected. Ana took off her coat and let it fall on the sandy ground. Only now did he realise that she was in her pyjamas as she was standing in front of him with a tank top and cotton pants. She kicked off her wellies and pulled down her pants. Harvey only risked a quick glance before he looked back out to the horizon. He had caught a glimpse of her well-shaped thighs and hips, partially covered by delicates, causing his neck and face to burn. 

Ana seemed not to have noticed as she started making her way into the ocean.  
“I… I don’t think this is a good idea”, Harvey managed to shout after her as he watched her wade into the cold water.  
“It’s very healthy, I heard”, she replied, hip-deep in.  
He looked at her weakly lit body, unable to help himself, thinking about what it would be like to touch her skin. She had stopped walking, raising her arms over her head as she lunged forward and submerged in the cold water. Harvey got goose bumps just thinking about how cold it must be on this chilly spring night. 

When Ana resurfaced, she gasped for air loudly and then started to laugh.  
“Come on now, Harvey! Your turn!”, she said breathlessly while stretching one arm in his direction.  
“I think…”, he began but she interrupted him.  
“No need to! Come on now before I’m turning into an ice cube!”

Any grown person would be able to form a long, long list of reasons not to do this, not to jump into the cold water in the middle of the night. But it seemed none of the things on that list mattered to Ana. Harvey envied her for it, for her ability to just let go of rules and norms and reason.  
But why couldn’t he? Why couldn’t he let go? He could just strip down to his underwear and go after this beautiful woman, jump into the cold water and go for a swim. What would stop him?  
Nothing stopped him when he took off his jacket. Nothing stopped him when he unbuttoned his shirt. Nothing stopped him when he undid his belt or when he took off his shoes and socks. Nothing stopped him when he pulled down his pants and nothing stopped him when he took off his glasses. And nothing stopped him when he walked towards the water. 

It was cold. Very cold. It was like a thousand teeth biting his skin as he waded into the water, deeper and deeper. Determined not to stop.  
“Almost there!”, Ana cheered as he took a deep breath and submerged.  
His head hurt as the water swallowed him, as if it was about to explode and implode all at the same time. He couldn’t feel his toes anymore and his fingers were burning but when he resurfaced to take a deep breath, he felt the rush of adrenaline floating through his body and he couldn’t help but laugh. 

Ana was swimming towards him and Harvey looked at her blurry face. He was practically blind without his glasses. She came so close though that he could make out most of her features in the darkness. She had a big smile on her face as she held onto his arm in order not to drift away. Harvey couldn’t help but feel that this touch was much more intimate here in the water than when she did the same thing earlier on land.  
“How does it feel?”, she asked.  
“What?”, Harvey said, for a moment he was worried she had read his mind, “Ah, it feels… cold”  
Ana laughed.  
“It’s so energizing, isn’t it?”  
Her legs brushed against his as they were moving to stay afloat. It took all his might not to think about Ana’s half naked body so close to his. The urge to touch her was immense but he managed to resist.  
“Everything okay?”, she asked him after he failed to respond.  
“Yes, yes, everything’s great”, he replied and he realised that he meant it.  
He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this young.  
Ana gave him a big smile and squeezed his arm, her legs brushing up against his once more.  
“You look cute without your glasses”, she remarked and Harvey blushed a little, “But you’re also cute with your glasses on, it’s a win-win, really”  
This time around Harvey was pretty sure that Ana was flirting with him. But before he could figure out what to say she let go of his arm.  
“We should probably get out soon though”, she said, pointing to the beach.  
“Yes, our body temperature shouldn’t get too low”, Harvey agreed after clearing his throat and they made their way back out.

Harvey put his clothes back on, carelessly pulling his pants over his soaked underwear. He would be home soon and there he could take a hot shower. He turned around for a second to see Ana’s bare back. She has taken off her wet tank top and was now covering up with her coat. Of course she had a longer way home than he did so if she stayed in her wet clothes she’d probably catch something.  
He swiftly turned to pick up his shirt and put it on when Ana turned to face him, her coat wrapped tightly around her chest.  
“See? It’s not so hard letting your guard down.”  
“No”, Harvey said while buttoning up his shirt, “Just very cold”  
Ana laughed, making Harvey feel a little proud. 

She put on her boots and pants and Harvey put on his socks and shoes and his glasses and then they headed back up towards the village in silence. When they reached the clinic, they turned to face each other and Harvey got to look at Ana’s face, fully lit in the yellow light of the street lamps. Her lips were tinted blue and her skin paler than usual.  
“Ana, you should probably warm up a little before you go home”, Harvey said with concern in his voice.  
She was here by foot so she had a pretty long walk home, but she shook her head.  
“No I should really go, I have to get up at six to take care of the farm.”  
Harvey guessed that it was around three in the morning by now, adding to his worries.  
“At least let me get you a warm sweater”, he insisted.  
“That sounds really nice, actually”, she replied to his surprise.

Harvey unlocked the door to the clinic, holding it open so Ana could go in but she didn’t move.  
“Come on in”, he said and she took a deep breath before she finally walked through the door and into the waiting room of the clinic.  
“Do you want to wait here or do you…”  
“I’ll wait here”, Ana interrupted him.  
“Okay, take a seat, I’ll be right back”, Harvey replied, a little taken aback.  
“Thank you”, she smiled weakly.

Harvey rushed up the stairs and into his apartment. He moved to his closet and rummaged through his clothes to find a jumper he could give to Ana. Most of the ones he owned were old, with holes in them but he managed to dig up one he has had since he was at university. He grabbed it and brought it downstairs with him.  
“There you go”, he said, handing it to Ana.  
She was still standing next to the door, exactly where he had left her.  
“Thank you, that’s really nice”, she smiled but it seemed a little forced.

He turned back around to give her enough privacy so she could put on his jumper.  
“Okay”, she said after a minute and he turned to face her again, “I should really get going.”  
“Of course.”  
Ana opened the door and stepped out.  
“Thank you for joining me and thank you for the jumper”, she said.  
“Thank _you_ ”, Harvey replied and they looked at each other in silence for a few moments before Ana gave one final wave and let the door fall shut behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to anyone who's been reading this story and for the Kudos (:  
> This is the first time in years that I'm brave enough to share a story online so this is all very exciting.  
> (English isn't my native language either so it's twice as nerve wrecking hehe)  
> I hope some people like my little tale though(:


	10. The Flower Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana sends a message to her sister, telling her about her experience at the Flower Dance and she also shares some thoughts about Harvey

to: romibb@zumail.fr  
from: anabb@zumail.fr  
object: i had one too many

Hey Romi!

Do you remember your prom night? Someone secretly added vodka to the punch and you got so wasted that they had to call our parents to come pick you up at nine. You were singing when you got home, dad had to support you because you could hardly stand up straight. And then mom made you sit down at the dinner table with me so you could eat a bit of stew and sober up. You were just casually sitting there in your green dress that you wanted so badly, with your hair all messed up and your lipstick and mascara smeared all over your face, eating stew. It was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen in my life, so funny even that mom and dad weren’t mad at you at all. They took a polaroid picture of you and your stew and put it on the fridge door. I wonder if it’s still there?

I was fifteen when that happened, you were seventeen, and I was so jealous. I wanted to go out and drink and then eat stew in my ballgown. Well, I was jealous until I’ve seen the state you were in the following morning. You were so hungover that I wasn’t even allowed near our room. That’s when I swore I would never drink as much. But I have had many drunken nights since. More than I can remember, really. And on more than one occasion I found myself sitting on the kitchen floor, eating leftovers in my party dress too.

Right now it’s one in the morning and I’m sitting on the floor of the farmhouse in a white dress that looks like it’s made out of cotton candy with a dried up flower crown on my head and I’m very drunk.  
I haven’t had a drink since I moved to Pelican Town but today was the Flower Dance and there seemed no way around it. Let me tell you, this festival was the most bizarre thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

I agreed to go with Shane a few weeks ago and I thought I knew what I was getting myself into: A little dancing and a nice buffet. Boy was I wrong!  
Maru told me a week ago that there was a dress code! We had to show up in a white gown. A _white_ gown, Romi. To represent the innocence of the flower. And I don’t know about you but it sounds to me like the older villagers meant a different kind of innocence, a kind that I have not had since I was sixteen if you know what I mean.  
I don’t own a white dress so Maru made sure I could borrow her mother’s old one. It’s shaped like a pastry and I feel like a little girl hosting a tea party for my stuffies. But there is some fun in that actually. I really like how the fabric flows when I'm spinning. Isn’t that so silly? I think all of the girls felt that way though. 

But boy, the girls’ dress code was nothing compared to the guys’. My Yoba, you won’t believe me when I say it but they made them wear baby blue suits. _BABY BLUE_! To represent the purity of the flower. And I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure none of the guys participating were particularly pure. As a matter of fact, I don’t believe there was a single innocent or pure soul on that dance floor except for Penny maybe. 

Shane picked me up at half past eight in his baby blue suit ( _BABY BLUE_!!!) and he brought me flowers, which would be nice if he hadn’t pressed them into my hands with the words “ _From my aunt_ ”. He looked like he had taken a shower for the occasion which was greatly appreciated, his hair was combed back and he had shaved. He was barely recognisable, to be honest (and he wore a baby blue suit, Romi, _BABY BLUE_ ).

We walked down to the clearing where the festival was held. Everything was prepared, covered in flowers and ribbons and all things fluffy and nice. After an awkward few minutes of standing and waiting, Shane pulled out a flask from the inside pockets of his _baby blue_ suit and he offered it to me. I took a whiff and I don’t know exactly what was in there but it smelled like some strong, strong liquor. He was really red in the face and seemed very uncomfortable so I decided to just take one sip so he wouldn’t feel like I was being judgemental.

Whatever was in there, Romi, it was hella strong. He offered me a few more sips during the speech of Mayor Lewis about the purity and the innocence of flowers and how we must protect it and honestly, it was just as greatly appreciated as his shower. And the more sips I took, the tipsier I was and the tipsier I was, the more sips I took. So by the time we had to get in line for the traditional opening dance I was feeling the liquor running through my veins, clouding my mind. And then the music started, this old fashioned, kitschy kind of music, you know?.  
Maru has taught me the choreography for the opening dance and it’s not exactly complicated, really. It’s just a simplified version of a ballroom dance, but my tipsy little brain wasn’t exactly ready for that and neither was Shane’s it seemed. 

It was hilarious. We were either behind or too fast, we kept bumping into each other and stepping on each other’s toes. I twirled in the wrong direction twice and Shane was completely lost at one point but we managed to struggle through. And when it was over, we walked back to where we were standing before the dance and after a few moments of silence he started laughing heartily. I’ve never heard him laugh before so at first I was really surprised but his laugh is very contagious, I couldn’t help but join in. We laughed and laughed until my belly hurt and then we laughed some more. After we calmed down a bit, we drank some of Shane’s liquor and then we went back on the dance floor and danced our hearts out. Abigail and Sam managed to change the music to something a little more upbeat so we could really get all the silliness out of our system. To our surprise, a lot of people joined us on the dance floor, even Mayor Lewis and Marnie danced together, despite the disapproving looks they sent our way during the opening dance. 

But at around noon it started raining cats and dogs, everyone was soaked within minutes so we all rushed to save the food from the buffet. Everyone grabbed as much as they could and we ran for Marnie’s ranch, the closest place that could hold such a large number of people. Marnie handed out blankets and lit her fire place so we could all warm up after the cold spring shower. There wasn’t enough room for dancing in her house but it was really nice to just sit, eat the food we could save and have a chat with everyone.  
It stopped pouring after about three hours so everyone started to head back home. Shane and I decided that we were going to make up for our dreadful performance during the opening dance by helping Mayor Lewis and Gus to clean up the clearing. That took us most of the day but we were drinking up what was left of Shane’s liquor so it was actually a lot of fun. 

After that he walked me home. He was being uncharacteristically nice, he even complimented the farm and offered to help me renovate the old coop so I could get chicken. That would be very nice.  
When we reached my door he said that he wasn’t sure if I meant it when I told him I was his friend but now he knows he has someone he can count on. That really moved me. Shane is a great guy, I hope he finds his way out of whatever pit he’s stuck in. And I hope he knows that I’m happy to help him whenever he needs me.

So that was my first ever Flower Dance. It was definitely an experience I’ll remember.

But there’s one more thing I want to talk to you about. I told you what happened with the doctor, Harvey, when I met him at the beach, right?  
Well, since that night it kind of feels like he’s avoiding me somehow. Like when I met him at the grocery shop the other week, he said ‘ _Oh, hello Ana_ ’ like he was surprised to see me. He hardly looked at me either. I asked him how he was doing and he said he’s doing alright and he hoped I was too so I said ‘ _yeh_ ’ and that was it. And it kind of felt like he was avoiding me at the Flower Dance as well, wherever I was it always seemed like he was on the opposite side of the room (or clearing that is). 

Harvey danced with Maru during the Flower Dance, she told me she asked him after he had just moved here because she was sick of always dancing with her brother and they paired up out of convenience ever since. It was fine, I had an awful lot of fun with Shane but I think I would have liked to dance a little with Harvey too. I want to see him come out of his shell a bit. 

Maybe I came on too strong at the beach. I thought he might fancy me back but apparently I was wrong. I should probably apologise next time I see him, I didn’t mean to make him feel uncomfortable. I’m a silly goose.

Besides that, there’s nothing much to report. Cow has moved on from digging holes all over the farm to chewing on my boots so that’s good progress, right? At least he’s not interested in the crops but that might change too.  
I hope to see you soon, Romi.

Love from your pastry-shaped sister  
Ana


	11. Pierre's General Store

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey finds himself in the middle of a party he doesn't want to be at until he meets Ana, who uses this opportunity to try and get closer to the doctor

Harvey never considered Pierre a friend of his. Pierre’s general store was right next to the clinic so they were neighbours and saw each other regularly when Harvey went to shop for groceries but besides that and the occasional conversation about produce, they had nothing in common. Therefore he was all the more surprised when he was invited to Pierre’s birthday party.  
One Wednesday morning, while Harvey was doing some paperwork the grocer came into the clinic and pressed an envelope into his hands.  
“I know you’re a busy man, Doctor Harvey, but I hope you can make some time for a little party”, he had said with an insincere, over the top wink.  
Harvey was not exactly a party animal and he was pretty sure that this was an excuse for Pierre to schmooze with his customers but he didn’t want to be rude, especially when he had to see the grocer at least once a week. 

And so he found himself standing in Pierre’s living room two weeks later, glass of wine in hand, surrounded by half the people of Pelican Town. Harvey decided he was right about this being a schmooze party as he watched Pierre laugh a little too loudly at Mayor Lewis’ jokes. Harvey wasn’t particularly close with anyone here except for Demetrius but the scientist was standing next to his wife, hands in his pockets while he listened to her conversation with Caroline. It was pretty clear that Pierre chose to invite the ‘mature’ inhabitants of the Valley or, in other words, people with high spending capacity. 

“This is really something, huh?”, a familiar voice sounded behind him and he turned around to find a pair of bright grey eyes looking back at him.  
“Oh, hello Ana”, Harvey said, blushing, “I didn’t realise you were here.”  
“I was hiding in the kitchen, talking to Abigail, but Pierre sent her to get more snacks from the store and he told me to come to the living room to enjoy the ‘ _party_ ’. So now I’m looking for this ‘ _party_ ’ he was talking about. Because whatever this is, it’s not a party.”  
Harvey laughed. At least he wasn’t the only one who could see through Pierre’s sudden hospitality. 

He was very tense, standing next to Ana. After what had happened at the beach the other week he was trying to avoid her, mostly because it was easier than confronting his feelings head on. He didn’t know Ana very well so he knew that whatever he felt for her was nothing more than a crush. But at thirty-seven he wasn’t exactly at an age where schoolyard crushes were a good idea. He wanted to be cool and professional until he got over whatever this was. But now that she was standing next to him, hair tied into a messy bun, a green blouse loosely falling around her body, a body he had seen half naked just days ago, it was hard to be cool or professional. 

“So I take it you’re not very close friends with Pierre either?”, Ana continued after a short pause.  
“Not exactly, no”, Harvey replied, “More like acquaintances, really.”  
“What did you get him for his birthday?”, Ana asked with a little smile, “I imagine it’s pretty hard to buy a gift for someone who owns the only store in town.”  
“Yeah, you’re right. It wasn’t easy but I found an old bottle of wine somewhere in my kitchen and I decided to give it to him. But now that I’m here I think I should have brought some strong pain killers from the pharmacy. If he keeps smiling this big, fake smile all night he’s going to have some serious muscle pains tomorrow.”  
Ana laughed and Harvey couldn’t help but join in. To hell with cool and professional.  
Their laughter has attracted the attention of Caroline who was now heading towards them with a smile as big and as fake as Pierre’s.  
“Oh Ana! I didn’t see you come in!”  
“Ugh”, Ana said under her breath and then, lifting the glass of wine to her face, “Bottoms up.”  
Harvey couldn’t help but chuckled a little as he watched the farmer drain her glass in two big sips.

Caroline spent about twenty minutes talking to Harvey and Ana, mostly about how proud she was of Pierre and the store and how nice it was that the two of them were such loyal customers.  
Ana and Harvey smiled politely, nodded and occasionally exchanged meaningful glances. He even caught Ana longingly looking at her empty wine glass.  
Harvey enjoyed the occasional glass of wine but he couldn’t get himself to drink much more than that because as the only doctor in town he was never off duty, really. But he agreed with Ana, more wine would definitely make the night go by faster.

They were saved, however, when Marnie walked through the door with a big cheese platter in her hands.  
“Oh no you shouldn’t have!”, Caroline cried out as she made her way to the new guest.  
“I’m so glad she did though”, Ana said to Harvey and he chuckled.  
“More wine?”, he suggested and the farmer nodded her head violently.  
“You read my mind, sir”, she replied and as Harvey reached out she gave him her empty glass.

Harvey headed over to the makeshift bar that was the mantelpiece. He poured some Sauvignon Blanc for Ana and some Sant Laurent for himself. Things went surprisingly well tonight. He hadn’t expected to be this collected around Ana but the glass of wine and their alliance against Pierre and Caroline’s schmoozing made it a little easier to relax. He headed back over to find her sitting on the sofa by herself. 

“Madame”, he said as he handed her the wine.  
“Thank you”, she replied and, eyeing her glass with a little frown, “I see you are one of those people”  
“What do you mean? Is something wrong?”, he asked, panic rising immediately.  
“You don’t fill the glass all the way up, you only pour a little bit of wine”, she replied and laughed a little, causing Harvey to relax.  
“Well… This is the proper way to do it”, he said, “It helps the bouquet unfold”  
“Ah! Of course! The bouquet!”, Ana said, placing her hand flat on her forehead.  
Harvey laughed.  
“The scent”, he explained, and inhaled with the glass held underneath his nose, “See, this one smells like red currant and cherries. Smell yours!”  
Ana copied Harvey and carefully sniffed her wine.  
“Oh! It smells like… like… like wine”, she replied, making Harvey laugh.  
“Yours is a Sauvignon Blanc, it should smell like elderflowers.”  
Ana smelled her wine again and this time around her eyes went a little wider.  
“Oh”, she said simply, causing Harvey’s smile to grow even wider.  
She was very cute, there was no denying that.  
“How do you know that?”, she asked with a curious smile on her face.  
“I took a sommelier class a few years ago”  
With his girlfriend at the time but that wasn’t worth mentioning, he decided. 

“Teach me the art of wine!”, she then demanded and Harvey shook his head.  
“Na-uh, I paid three hundred gold for that class, I’m not sharing that information for free.”  
“Rip-off”, Ana replied, playfully offended and then in a more serious tone, “You know I actually thought about making my own wine on the farm.”  
“That sounds like a great idea! The climate here is perfect for good wine”, he said excitedly.  
“I wouldn’t know, you refuse to teach me.”  
“Pay me three hundred gold and I’ll teach you whatever you want to know.”  
“You know what? I’ll just read a book about it in the library”, Ana replied with a shrug, “I heard the collection here is great”  
“It is, I go there on the weekends to relax and unwind. The librarian and curator is a friend of mine”, Harvey smiled, taking a sip of his wine.

“Oh, that’s interesting! What kind of books do you read, Doctor? What’s the last book you’ve read? What books lie on your nightstand?”, Ana said, leaning a little closer with every question she asked.  
“I just read a biography about Jiro Yoshiko, he was an aircraft designer and chief engineer of many fighter designs for the Gotoro Empire.”, Harvey replied, immediately wondering if he should have come up with something that would have sounded more interesting but Ana looked almost impressed.  
“Oh wow”, she said, “So you’re into history?”  
“Well… yes and no. I’m… I…”, Harvey stuttered, he was sure that the next part was bound to make Ana lose interest, “I like… planes. I think they’re fascinating”  
Harvey didn’t mention his fear of heights or his collection of model airplanes, he figured that his little obsession with planes was enough to make him seem like a bit of a child. But to his surprise, a smile spread on Ana’s face after he spoke.  
“They really are!”, she agreed, “One of the greatest inventions of mankind. It’s a shame though that they’re being used to cause such destruction.”  
Harvey knew Ana was referring to the ongoing war between Ferngill Republic and the Gotoro Empire and he nodded.  
“Humans are smart and stupid all at the same time”, Harvey agreed.

They sat in silence for a moment, watching the other guests mingle, listening to the forced laughter and faked pleasantries before Ana turned to look at him.  
“Let’s get out of here”, she suggested and his heart jumped.  
“Yes”, he replied and got to his feet, instinctively reaching out his hand to help Ana out of the sofa.  
When her long, pale fingers touched his hand he felt his skin tingle and he had to force himself to let go of her once she got to her feet. Ana didn’t seem to notice his hand lingering just a little too long as she looked around the room.  
“I’ll meet you outside”, she said and smiled at him.  
Harvey was a little puzzled but nodded his head and walked over to say goodbye to Pierre. 

“No way! You can’t leave yet! Have you had a slice of the cake? It’s brilliant! Come on, just one more glass”, Pierre exclaimed but Harvey shook his head.  
“No, I’m afraid I have had more than enough. It was a very pleasant evening, thank you and say thank you to Caroline for me! Happy Birthday!”, he said and shook Pierre’s hand before heading out.

He felt the refreshing air of the night as he walked through the door. It was getting warmer and warmer every day so now the nights weren’t as chilly either. Harvey leaned against the lamppost that was next to the clinic, waiting for Ana, wondering what they were going to do now. After he waited for fifteen minutes however, he started to fear that she had maybe changed her mind. And the moment Harvey decided to just go home, she finally walked through the door.

“I’m so sorry, Caroline just didn’t let me leave!”, she explained with flushed cheeks, “I hope you didn’t wait for too long. Time moves differently in there.”  
“Don’t worry”, Harvey said, his heart fluttering as she mirrored his smile.  
“Come on!”, she dictated and started walking towards the little park north of the town square, “before anyone sees we’re not actually going home.”  
Harvey followed her. He couldn’t help but look at her butt, gently swaying from side to side as she walked up the steps leading to the park.  
“We’re not going for another swim, are we?”, Harvey asked into the silence and he heard Ana laugh.  
“No don’t worry. That’s only fun when it’s cold.”

They walked past the fountain and up to the playground, where Ana sat down on one of the swings.  
“This is a good place for some late-night conversations, cake and wine”, she smiled while pointing at the second swing beside her.  
Harvey hesitated for a second. He’s never been on the playground before, he was a grown man after all, but he couldn’t help himself, her magnetic field was too strong so he took a seat next to Ana. The swing was a little small but not too uncomfortable. It was pretty dark, now that they had left the glow of the street lights behind.  
“But where are the cake and the wine?”, he asked playfully.  
“I hoped you would ask that”, Ana said, grabbing her handbag and pulled out a bottle of red wine and two slices of cake, wrapped in napkins.

“Oh wow”, Harvey said, “You’re a thief!”  
Ana shook her head.  
“No, I’m a very loyal customer. This is my reward”, she replied with a wink.  
“Of course, pardon me”  
They sat and ate their cakes, handing the bottle of wine back and forth, each taking a sip. Harvey only took very small sips though, he didn’t want to get too tipsy. He really enjoyed sitting with Ana, talking about whatever crossed their minds and he liked this little game of back and forth.

“So why do you like airplanes so much?”, Ana asked after a little while, handing the bottle back to Harvey.  
“My grandpa was a pilot”, he replied, suddenly deep in thought, “He would always tell me about his adventures and about the things you could see from high up. And on my birthdays, he gave me little model airplanes and books about the mechanics and the design… I guess that’s how it started.”  
“That’s so lovely”, Ana said and, after a short pause, “It seems both our grandfathers gave us something we cherish.”

Harvey smiled at Ana, knowing she probably couldn’t see it in the darkness. He felt his chest grow as he looked at her silhouette and he realised that his schoolboy crush was slowly growing into something bigger. If he would have reached out his hand just a little, he could touch her, feel her soft skin. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. She was too young. He was nearing his forties and she was in her mid-twenties. Even if she was interested in him, Yoba knows why that would ever happen, he couldn’t give her what she needed. He wasn’t full of energy anymore and he was ready to settle down and start a family of his own, something Ana was probably not set on just yet. He was simply too old to play the dating game he saw the other, younger members of Pelican Town play year in and year out. Relationships that were on and off, love triangles, breakups and makeups. He really liked Ana but he wasn’t right for her and she wasn’t right for him.

“I should get going”, he said with a heavy heart and got up from the swing, “I have a lot to do tomorrow.”  
“Oh”, Ana replied and she sounded genuinely disappointed, “Okay.”  
Harvey reached down and Ana took his hand, his skin tingling once more. This time it was her fingers who lingered in his just a little longer than necessary after she got up and he felt his heart grow even heavier as he tried to pull away. But she held on tight, stepping forward so that her body was just a few inches away from Harvey’s. He breathed in her scent, sweet like a blooming flower with just a hint of wet earth, he could see the faint lights of the town, reflected in her eyes as she looked up at him. She was almost a head shorter than he was so she had to get on her tiptoes, her face moving closer to his. He wanted this, her lips against his, and it took all his might to step away before it could happen.

“It’s late”, he said after a short pause, his voice was hoarse.  
Ana looked at him in a heavy silence.  
“Yeah”, she finally said, her voice cracked and full of disappointment.  
Harvey’s heart hurt but he couldn’t do this. It wouldn’t end well.  
_I’m too old_ , he told himself, _I’m too old_.  
They walked back to the town square in silence.  
“Good night”, Ana said, not looking at him before she turned and walked away.  
“Good night. Take care”, Harvey said, watching her leave with a heavy heart.


	12. The Coop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana sends a message to her sister and tells her about the difficult week she's had

to: romibb@zumail.fr  
from: anabb@zumail.fr  
object: boys are stupid

Hey Romi…

A lot has happened over the past few days and I’m feeling a little lost. 

Robin and Shane helped me fix up the coop and I bought four little chicks from Marnie. I named them Tick, Mouse, Bear and Dick (Short for Richard but she is also a bit of a dick to be quite honest, she keeps pecking at my finger which I think is very rude) and they settled in nicely... or so I thought. Mouse has been acting a little off. Shane told me that it took her unusually long to hatch so he was worried she might not be as strong as the others but I wanted her anyways. So what if she’s not a strong one, she still deserves a happy life! She was doing fine but yesterday she stopped eating and I think she struggles with her breathing. I called Marnie in a panic and she said it might be a chicken cold and to raise the temperature of the heater, give her clean water and clean food and keep her away from the others.  
I separated them by putting a bunch of wooden boxes between them, changed their water four times today and made sure the food was as clean as chick food can be. But that just didn’t feel like it was enough so I grabbed Cow and a blanket and decided to put up camp in the coop to keep a close eye on Mouse. (Please don’t be worried, Cow is very gentle and he’s not going to harm the chicks. Will he suffocate me by lying on my face because he wants to be super close to me? Probably. But the chicks will be fine)

So I am currently lying on the floor of the coop, close to the heater with Mouse right next to me. And this entire thing reminds me of how we decided to go camping in the forest behind the farm one summer, remember? We planned it all day, packed up way too much food and bought a dozen magazines from Pierre’s. Grandpa had to come with us because we had no idea how to set up a tent and when everything was ready for us to spend the night, we sent him away because it was ‘ _women only_ ’. He gave us a torch and told us what way to go to get back to the farm in case we get scared during the night and we laughed at him. Us? Scared? As if!  
But of course we got scared. It was all fun and games until the sun set and we were alone in the darkness, the scary stories we told each other still fresh in our minds. So we made an escape plan, completely forgetting about what grandpa had told us, we raced out of the tent and off into the wrong direction. We ran and ran like we were being chased. We ended up at Marnie’s ranch instead of the farm, remember? And she made us hot cocoa and called grandpa to pick us up. He ended up staying in the tent with us, telling us the goriest and scariest of all stories but it was fine, he was there to protect us from all the evil monsters.  
Wasn’t it nice when ghosts and zombies were our biggest fears?  
Right now my biggest fear is that little Mouse dies while I’m right next to her and there’s nothing I can do to help her. I miss grandpa. He would know what to do, he wouldn’t be scared.

I also majorly messed things up with the doctor last night. We got to spend some time alone after the party. Just… talking, you know? He was sitting there with his elbows on his knees and a glass of wine in his hand, so casually good-looking. And he told me about the things he’s interested in, things that mean something to him and… It was just so different from all the men I’ve dated before. 

Take Anthony for example. I’ve met him at a club, we were both pretty far gone at that point of the night and he came over to challenge me to a game of pool. We played for two minutes max before we started making out. He took me home with him and well… You know. We casually hooked up for half a year but then the hook-ups turned into us heading out to grab a bite or to catch a movie none of our friends wanted to watch with us and it just turned into a relationship like that. 

At first it was kinda nice having him around but he started to smother me after a while. He always wanted me to come over to stay at his place, he called me twice throughout the day to ask me what I’ve eaten and every single time I went out with the girls he wanted to either come along or at least pick me up from the club. And none of that was particularly wrong but all of it at once… it was too much! It’s like he didn’t want me to have a life outside of our relationship. He got really mad at me when I told him I didn’t feel like coming over or when I told him off for calling while I was working, it was so frustrating.  
And there was never really anything to talk about either. When we weren’t fighting over some stupid shit, we’d have a bit of small talk but nothing much beyond that. How could there’ve been more? He was always monitoring me, reading into every word I said, causing drama where there was none. How could I have told him that I had a shit day at work or that I had pet a stray cat that I met while taking out the trash? I kept my secrets because it was more convenient that way. It just didn’t work. It had never worked.  
When I broke up with him he told me to ‘ _Cut my crap_ ’ and that I ‘ _Couldn’t take care of myself without him around_ ’. I don’t think I believed that but it did scare me a little. Anthony never really trusted or believed in me and that always scared me a little.

And then, on the other end of the spectrum, is Harvey. More mature, definitely more independent and he has such a calming, nice aura. I guess he kind of has to have that as a doctor, right? But when he’s around it’s like nothing bad can happen. Okay, that’s exaggerated but you get where I’m coming from, right? He’s really nice and considerate and… cute. Kinda sexy too but that’s neither here nor there. The point is, I’m feeling strangely drawn to him. Everything about him is so… inviting. Does that make any sense at all?  
Oh Yoba, I’m really having a big crush on that man. But guess what?

It’s not gonna happen. 

How do I know that you ask? Well… I tried to kiss him last night and he was not having it.  
After the night at the beach I swore to myself that I wouldn’t be blunt, that I’d be nice and distanced but he was just so sweet and when he helped me get up so we could head home I couldn’t stop myself. I really thought he liked me too. But I just made a big fool of myself and with Mouse being sick and all it’s probably been my worst week in the Valley so far. 

Oh well. I’ve mastered avoiding the clinic thus far, it shouldn’t be too hard to keep that up. And I’ll get over it. I’ll focus on the farm a little more intensely to keep my head clear, focus on my little animal family. I’ll take pictures of the chicks, Cow and me and send them out as Winter Star cards this year! Instead of a crazy cat lady I’ll be the crazy chicken lady. That’ll suit me. 

Anyways… It’s getting really late. Mouse is still breathing but I think I’ll pull an all-nighter, just to be sure she’s okay. 

I really hope you’re well and I wish you were here to tell me a scary story.  
All the love from Cow, Tick, Mouse, Bear, Dick and Ana


	13. The Clinic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s an emergency at the clinic and the relationship between Harvey and Ana is getting even more complicated

It was late spring and the temperatures were slowly but steadily rising. The days were getting longer and the number of patients coming in with allergies was getting smaller. Everyone seemed to be in a better mood too, everyone but Harvey. He was feeling frustrated when he woke up and he was feeling frustrated while he was working and he was feeling frustrated when he went to bed. He was feeling frustrated because he hasn’t properly spoken to Ana since he had turned down her kiss after Pierre’s party.  
He’s seen her bike by the clinic a lot, he’s seen her at the grocery store a few times and one time he’s even seen her at the Saloon when he went there to have dinner on a rainy night. But she hardly looked at him when he tried to have a conversation and left shortly after he had arrived. 

Harvey was sure he had done the right thing by stepping away but it made him sad that she wouldn’t even look at him anymore. He never meant to hurt her, he had their best interest at heart. Ana would be better off with someone her age, like Sam. He was a young dreamer and full of energy while Harvey was an old realist. That’s why he knew it wouldn’t work out. At least that’s what he told himself every night when he was lying awake so he wouldn’t start imagining what would have happened if he hadn’t turned her down. 

And he was telling himself the same thing on this particularly warm Friday evening that he spent doing paperwork at his desk in the examination room. Harvey had opened the windows and the mild spring breeze caused the papers in front of him to move softly. It was so warm in the room, he had to take off his jacket and roll up the sleeves of his shirt. The soft glow of the setting sun was still lighting the room up nicely.  
A heavy sigh escaped him as he realised he had read and reread the same couple of lines a dozen times and still couldn’t grasp what they said. It was difficult to focus with so much on his mind. He leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling for a minute and just as he was ready to get back to the paperwork, he heard the door to the clinic being thrust open. 

He was on his feet and through the door of the examination room in seconds, fully aware that this must be an emergency. He ran down the hallway and into the waiting room. Shane was standing in the door, holding Ana’s limp body close to his.  
“What happened?”, Harvey asked while motioning for Shane to follow him into the examination room.  
“I saw her push her bike across the town square on my way home from work, she started swaying and then fell to the ground like a doll”, Shane replied, panic in his voice, “I tried to wake her up but she didn’t respond so I brought her here”  
Shane carefully placed Ana on the examination table and Harvey started checking her vitals, all the while talking to her, to see if she was responsive. Her breathing was shallow, her heart rate was very slow and she showed no reaction to Harvey’s voice.  
“I met her at the Saloon last night and she told me she wasn’t feeling very well these days”, Shane explained after a little hesitation.  
“Did she say why she was feeling unwell?”, Harvey asked and Shane shook his head slowly.  
“She just said she’s unwell. I told her to take a day off but you know how she is, always working away…”

Shane was standing awkwardly next to Harvey who was now taking Ana’s temperature to see if she had a heat stroke, given the rising temperatures this wasn’t unlikely.  
“Thank you, Shane. You can wait outside”, Harvey said but he shook his head.  
“I want to help!”, he said angrily.  
“Then go to the waiting room and use the clinic’s phone to call Maru. Her number is on speed dial, just press the three”, Harvey dictated and Shane was out the door in no time. 

Ana’s temperature was normal, almost a little too low. She wasn’t registered at his clinic so Harvey had no medical records of her. He didn’t know if she had any conditions that could cause her to faint like this, he had no idea if this was the first time this had happened to her or if it was a side effect of some kind of medication she might have been taking. The smartest thing to do right now was to monitor her and wait for her to come to. 

Shane reappeared, standing in the door.  
“Maru will be down in a few”, he announced.  
“Good”, Harvey replied as he readjusted the farmer’s head to the side so she wouldn’t suffocate should she throw up.  
As he began to lift her legs above heart level, Shane let out an ‘Oh’ and Harvey turned to find Ana’s eyelids flutter.  
“Ana? Ana, can you hear me?”  
The farmer’s eyes started wandering, she wasn’t responding.  
“Ana, can you hear me?”, Harvey repeated more firmly and she let out a little whimper.  
She started turning her head quickly, looking around the room. Her eyes widened as her body became tense. Her breathing became more rapid and she was trying to sit up.  
“It’s okay, Ana you’re alright. You’re in the clinic with me and Shane. You’re going to be just fine”, Harvey said in a reassuring voice but it had no effect on her.  
She was shaking her head violently and let out another whimper inbetween two sharp inhales.  
“What is happening?”, Shane said with fear in his voice but Harvey ignored him.  
Instead he took Ana’s hand in his, it was cold as an icicle, sweaty and shaking like a leave. Her panic attack grew more intense as she struggled for air with her eyes becoming more and more unfocused.  
“Ana, I need you to listen to me. Look at me, look in my eyes”, Harvey said, carefully cupping one side of her face with his free hand, making her look at him.  
She was whimpering, still forcefully gasping for air, her entire body was shaking but her grey eyes locked with his. He could see her fear, deeply rooted and irrational and it pained him to see her like this.  
“I need you to do as I do, okay? I need you to inhale very, very deeply”, Harvey said and inhaled demonstratively, “Like this.”  
Tears were streaming down Ana’s face as she took a few short, daggerlike breaths.  
“You can do it, try again, a deep inhale”, Harvey said, taking a deep breath once more.  
Ana did as she was told, she inhaled deeply, with a few violent shakes of her body.  
“Very good, hold your breath for a few seconds”, Harvey said, squeezing her hand reassuringly, “And now exhale, all of that air has to get out”  
Ana exhaled shakily.  
“And now inhale again, take a deep, deep breath”, he instructed and Ana followed suit, just a little less shaky this time around, “Very good and now exhale. Let it all out.”

They repeated that process a few times until Ana’s panic attack was fading out.  
“Okay, now lie down. This is a lot more than your body should have to handle right now”, Harvey said, giving Ana a tissue so she could dry her tears.  
Shane was standing in the door, frozen in place. The bell rang as the front door opened and Harvey knew Maru had arrived. He instructed Shane to talk to Ana calmingly before he walked out to let Maru know what had occurred. She immediately went into the sickroom to prepare a bed for the farmer. 

Harvey returned to make sure Ana was feeling well enough for further examination and as he stepped into the room he heard Shane whisper “ _What the fuck, Ana what the fuck are you doing_ ” and he proceeded to send him out of the room. Partially because the examination was confidential and partially because he wasn’t sure Shane was the kind to help anyone calm down in any situation. To Harvey’s surprise, he seemed to be glad he could leave.

“Alright, Ana. How are you feeling”, Harvey asked, in full doctor mode once Shane was out the door.  
“I’m fine”, Ana replied in a quiet voice.  
“Why do you think you fainted?”, Harvey asked as he sat down on his rolling chair, pulling out his pocket light, “I was told you were feeling unwell last night.”  
“No, I’m fine”, Ana said and as Harvey put his hand on her face to check her eyes for signs of a concussion, she flinched.  
“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, Ana. Would you rather have Maru in here?”, Harvey suggested.  
“Nobody could make me feel comfortable here”, she replied with a very crooked smile.  
“Ah, I see. You don’t like hospitals, huh? Is that why you didn’t come to register here?”, Harvey asked as he tried to light into her eyes once more.  
He remembered how weird she had acted when they came to the clinic after their night at the beach. She had been standing close to the door, refused to sit down even. Ana nodded her head softly.  
“I know I shouldn’t be scared, it’s ridiculous”, she replied quietly as Harvey proceeded to light into her eyes.  
“It’s not ridiculous, Ana. See, I’m scared of a lot of things too. Like heights for example”, he replied, pleased to see her pupils were constricting and dilating normally.  
“You’re scared of heights?”  
“Terrified”, he replied as he held up his index finger “Follow my finger with your eyes please.”  
“But I thought you loved planes?”, she asked back while her eyes moved effortlessly from side to side.  
“I do. But some things… some things we have to admire from afar”, he replied with a sad smile, hearing the irony in his own words.

They looked at each other for a few seconds before Harvey managed to get back into his role as a doctor.  
“I’ll do my best to make you feel as comfortable as possible. But I need you to be honest when I’m asking you questions, okay? If you prefer it we can send you to Zuzu City but you’ll have to pay for the transportation and…”  
“It’s fine”, Ana replied, “I’ll be honest.”  
“Okay. So why were you unwell?”  
“I was dizzy and had a headache. Everything was sore”, she said, avoiding to look at Harvey as he started writing her symptoms down.  
“Did you drink enough?”, he asked and as he saw the hesitation in Ana’s eyes, “Be honest.”  
“No, probably not”, she replied.  
“Did you eat enough?”  
“I... I _did_ eat.”  
“But did you eat _enough_?”, he asked, raising his eyebrows.  
“No”, she said after some hesitation.  
“Do you think you slept enough?”  
“No.”

Suddenly it all made sense. Everyone was always talking about how hard Ana worked. Maru had said on many occasions that she was sure Ana was a vampire because she hardly ever slept. Shane, Evelyn, Marnie, Jodi, everyone talked about the farmer who’s constantly on the go. He himself had met her on the beach in the middle of the night and she told him she couldn’t sleep. That and the amount of work she forced herself to do were too much for her body. She had clearly exhausted herself. 

“Ana you can’t go on like this I hope you’re aware of that. You need to eat, drink and sleep to keep your body fuelled and energised so it can keep up with the hard work and the stress.”  
She simply nodded, avoiding his gaze.  
“I’m going to have to keep you in the clinic for tonight to make sure you’re recovering properly and to monitor you so we can be sure you have sustained no serious injury when you fell.”  
“Can’t I recover at home?”, she asked with a pleading look in her eyes.  
“I can’t force you to stay”, Harvey replied simply and got up from his chair, “But I do think it best if you stuck around. It’s a long walk home and I don’t think it advisable for you to be alone.”

As if she considered this her cue, Maru entered the room with a big glass of water.  
“No way you’re going home, not on my watch”, she said as she handed the glass to Ana, “People don’t just faint for fun, Ana! This is serious!”  
“But what about the chicks? And Cow?”, Ana said, “I need to take care of them.”  
“Shane can do that or I’ll do it. Can’t be that hard if you can do it”, Maru shrugged with a wink, making Ana laugh a little, “You stay. No discussion. Now drink your water.”

Maru sent Shane to go get some essentials from the farmhouse so Ana could comfortably stay the night at the clinic. After he returned and finished ranting about how awful Ana’s old bike was he said his goodbyes and left.  
Ana changed into sweatpants and an oversized tee that had a faded print on it. Harvey wanted to give the farmer a well-balanced dinner, maybe lentils and some vegetables so she could stabilise her blood sugar levels, but Maru ran down to the Saloon to get Ana some of Gus’ Spaghetti and a slice of blueberry tart for them to share. The two girls were sitting on the bed the farmer would stay in tonight, quietly talking while Harvey did all the paperwork, including Ana’s registration at his clinic, officially making her a patient, meaning that she was completely out of bounds from now on. 

By the time Maru was heading out it was dark outside.  
“Take good care of her, Doctor”, she said as she left.  
Harvey, who was still pondering over the papers gave her a reassuring smile, wishing her a good night. He went to check on Ana twice, asking her if she needed anything but she said she was fine both times so he told her to rehydrate and went back to his desk, even though he really wanted to stay and talk to her. He wanted to ask her why she was afraid of hospitals, wanted to ask her favourite colour, her least favourite food, wanted to ask her anything that didn’t have to do with her being a patient of his. But he couldn’t.  
It was way past midnight when he finally got up. He stretched and walked to check on Ana one last time. The room she stayed in was dark and he figured she was asleep by now but as he looked through the door he saw her open eyes reflecting the lights of the hallway.

“You should sleep, Ana”, he said in a calm voice.  
“I can’t”, she replied shakily, “There’s too much on my mind.”  
“Can I help?”, he offered and in the yellow light of the hallway he saw her chuckle weakly.  
“You made it pretty clear that you don’t want to”, she replied in a small voice.  
Harvey knew she wasn’t referring to his medical attention but the kiss he had turned down. He sighed as he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.  
“It’s not that I don’t want to, Ana”, he said quietly, fully aware that this was very unprofessional of him, but he didn’t want her to think she didn’t mean anything to him either, “I hope you know that.”  
“That’s not making it any easier”, she said with a sigh.  
“I know”, Harvey muttered and they looked at each other in silence as he felt his heart grow heavy.

“Drink some more water and try to rest as best as you can. If you need anything at all, I’m right upstairs”, he said, fearing that if he waited any longer his heart would be too heavy for him to move anywhere.  
“Okay”, she said in a small voice, “Good night Doctor Harvey”  
He felt a sting when he heard her use his title.  
“Good night Ana.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello (:  
> I've spent the past couple of days at my grandma's house. She lives in the middle of nowhere and has no wifi so I passed my time by watching an ungodly amount of quiz shows and losing a couple games of Ludo. But I also wrote like five chapters for this story and I'm really excited to be back home because now I get to share them (:  
> Hope you enjoy, thank you for reading <3


	14. Zuzu City General Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana gets to leave the clinic and Harvey discovers something interesting as he reads through her old files

Harvey didn’t sleep much that night. He lay awake, listening carefully for any noise coming from downstairs but there was none. Ana was quiet as a mouse all throughout the night. Harvey watched the light in the room shift as he tried to stop himself from thinking about what it would feel like if Ana wasn’t downstairs in the clinic but up here, lying next to him. He knew that this was way out of line, she was his patient now and on top of that much younger but the thought of it kept coming back, no matter how many times he tried to suppress it. But as the light in the room turned into a pale pink and the birds started their song, he became more and more weary of this inner struggle and eventually gave in as he drifted off to sleep. He was dreaming of a soft and warm body lying next to his, of heart shaped lips planting little kisses on his cheeks and of fluttering eyelid and bright grey eyes looking back at him.

For the first time in years he was mad at the sound of his alarm, forcefully dragging him back to reality. His mind was still clouded, it took him a few moments to remember Ana was downstairs but once he did he was out of bed in no time. He got dressed swiftly while the coffee machine worked noisily, then he hurried into the bathroom to brush his teeth and shave.  
Taking a good look at himself in the mirror he felt like someone took the wind out from under his wings. He looked at the little wrinkles that were forming around his eyes and mouth, his brown hair that was very slowly starting to turn grey and his well-groomed moustache, all things that made him look old. Usually Harvey was fine with what he saw when he looked in the mirror but on this morning he liked nothing about himself. Compared to Ana’s face that radiated youth he looked dull.  
“ _But what does it matter_ ”, he asked himself, then left the bathroom to grab his coffee and walked downstairs into the clinic. 

He had assumed that at half past eight Ana would be up and running. He knew she usually got up fairly early so he imagined her inner clock would force her to wake with the sunrise but as he looked through the door to the sickroom, he was surprised to find her sound asleep.  
Her body was curled up under the thin blanket, her black hair was tied into a very messy bun and with her mouth slightly open and her cheeks flushed she looked younger than she really was. Harvey also noticed that she pressed a little Junimo stuffie to her chest, he recognised it immediately. Junimos were little apple-shaped spirits that were part of pretty much every fairy tale in Ferngill Republic and every child that grew up here knew them. Hers was yellow and looked very worn, like she’s had it for years. Shane must have taken it with him from the farmhouse when he brought Ana’s clothes and toiletries last night.  
She made no sound so Harvey focused on the rising in falling of her torso, making sure she was still breathing, then he left as quietly as he could. 

He sat down at the front desk and turned on the computer to check his emails. It was an old PC so it took a while to turn on and in the meantime Harvey looked at the calendar to see what the day would bring. It was a Saturday, usually rather slow and as expected he had no appointments. He put the calendar away and turned back to the computer, opening his email and looked through the inbox. It was mostly spam, some shady pharmaceutical companies trying to sell him their latest product, most of them were owned by Joja. He deleted those quickly but besides that there was nothing of interest. He took a sip of his coffee when he heard movement behind him. 

“Good morning”  
He turned around and saw Ana standing in the door, wearing the same grey blouse and jeans as the day before, with her hair in a ponytail and a nervous smile on her face. Harvey knew that she had just gotten out of bed and it felt strangely intimate to him so he quietly reminded himself to be as professional as possible.  
“Good morning Ana”, he replied with a smile, “How are you feeling today? Did you sleep well?”  
He noticed she was carrying her bag as she shifted her weight from one side to the other. She seemed eager to leave.  
“I’m feeling good”, she replied, “But I overslept a little I’m afraid.”  
“Your body clearly needed the rest”, Harvey explained.  
“Yeah… But I should head out now. If I don’t give Cow at least fifteen minutes worth of belly rubs before noon he tends to take a poop in my wellies”, Ana said, pointing in the general direction of the farm.  
“You’re free to go after a quick check-up”, Harvey nodded, watching the farmer’s weak smile disappear.  
“Is that necessary?”  
“I’m afraid it is”, he replied as he got up and walked towards her, “Don’t worry, it’ll be quick and pain free.”

They walked into the examination room and Ana took a seat, legs and arms crossed in discomfort. Harvey hated seeing her like this and he was determined to make this as easy for her as possible. He knew he had to distract her somehow so he said the first thing that came to mind while he put on his gloves.  
“Do you like fairy-tales?”  
Ana looked at him, a little confused.  
“I… I do”, she replied and after a little pause, “Do you?”  
“I used to like them a lot when I was younger. I saw your plushie and it reminded me of the tales my mother used to tell me when I was young”, he said, realising too late how strange this must have sounded.  
“I didn’t know you watched your patients sleep”, Ana said with flushed cheeks, avoiding his gaze.  
Harvey’s face and neck burned, he didn’t mean to come across as a creep and he definitely didn’t want to make her feel more uncomfortable than before.  
“I.. I wasn’t watching you sleep, I checked if you were okay”, he said, trying to sound professional and failing miserably but to his surprise Ana laughed a little.  
“I know”, she said, her cheeks still flushed as she looked up at him.  
Harvey sighed in relief, deciding to just finish this examination quickly without further conversation to avoid saying any more stupid things. He was pleased to find that her heartrate, blood pressure and temperature were looking okay and she showed no signs of a concussion so she was free to go home.

“I’d like you to come back to the clinic next Friday”, Harvey said as he walked her out and into the waiting room.  
“Why? I’m feeling fine!”, Ana replied with a pleading look in her eyes.  
“Ana, do you really think I’d let you roam around as you please after you fainted in exhaustion without checking at least once if you're doing better?”  
“I’m a big girl, Harvey. I can take care of myself”, she replied, “There’s no need for me to come back.”  
“I wasn’t trying to imply that you can’t take care of yourself, I’m trying to say that I want to be sure you’re healthy”, he explained and then hastily added, “As your doctor.”  
Ana looked at him and he could see how unwilling she was to come back here. He imagined what it would feel like if someone was to force him on a plane, making him look through the window as the machine went higher and higher, despite his fear of heights, only to be told he had to do the same thing again in a week. That would be a nightmare. But he couldn’t give in, he needed to make sure she was taking better care of herself. It appeared as though Ana could read his mind because she sighed in defeat.  
“Alright, Doctor. I’ll be back next Friday.” 

After she had left the clinic it was an unusually busy day. Jodi came in with Vincent, a common occurrence, he was a wild little boy and she was an overprotective mother. On this Saturday he had fallen out of a tree and two of his fingers were broken. Harvey took care of the young patient while he calmed down his mother, telling her it could have been a lot worse than this. After that Alex came in with an inflammation in his wrist. It took Harvey a while to make sure the patient understood that his wrist needed rest, for Alex was a passionate athlete and he didn’t want such ‘ _minor issues_ ’ to keep him from his training. But after Harvey pointed out that if he didn’t take proper care of this inflammation those ‘ _minor issues_ ’ could lead to much ‘ _bigger issues_ ’, Alex eventually understood that there was no way around a few rest days and with some meds in his hands he was good to go home.  
After that Robin rushed into the clinic, she had injured an eye with a splinter while working on a new carpentry project. This was a hassle and a half for Harvey because Robin kept blinking and it was nearly impossible to get the eyedrops in her eyes. Once he had properly treated her and sent her on her way it was way past the clinic’s closing time. 

Harvey sat down in front of the computer to finish up the reports of the day and noticed a new email in his inbox that he had left open earlier. It was from a former colleague at the Zuzu City General Hospital, Anath Hicks. He clicked to open it and found that it was Ana’s medical history. Now that she was officially registered at his clinic, she had allowed him access to her data.  
It was late but Harvey couldn’t help himself. He opened the file titled _Analisa Beesburg_ and he saw that she was indeed twenty-five years old, which didn’t come as a surprise, he guessed her to be around that age but it still bothered him a little.  
He started reading through the entries in her medical history. As a kid she had gotten all her shots early on, was hardly ever sick and seemed to be in good health generally. As she grew older there was a noticeable increase in injuries, broken legs and arms, fingers and toes, some wounds that needed stitching and a concussion, all signs of an active childhood. When she was ten she had her tonsils removed and at fourteen she suffered from acute appendicitis, but both operations occurred without further complications. The number of injuries declined rapidly as she reached her mid-teens. She was sick with the flu every other year or so and at sixteen she was hospitalised to get her stomach pumped due to mild alcoholic poisoning. At seventeen she was rushed to the hospital after an accident with a few wounds that needed stitching, some bruised rips and a concussion. This was a little out of the ordinary but not too concerning. What concerned Harvey much more than that was the fact that this was the last entry in her medical history. 

Harvey leaned back in his chair, took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. There were two options. Either someone had messed up and the last eight years of Ana’s medical history had gotten lost somewhere or she hadn’t seen a doctor in this long. He didn’t know which was more concerning so he started his investigation by sending an email to Anath Hicks.

_Dear Anath, the medical history of patient Analisa Beesburg seems to be incomplete, the last entry was made eight years ago. I was wondering if there is an explanation for that?  
I hope you and your family are well.  
Regards, Harvey._

He felt a strange sense of guilt after clicking send. As though he was snooping through Ana’s past, even though he knew the medical files of all his patients by heart. It still didn’t feel right. He tried to shake off the guilt by focusing back on the reports he still needed to write. After about thirty minutes of typing, the little noise that announced the arrival of a new email made him jump in his chair. It was from Anath. Harvey opened it eagerly.

_Harvey, the medical history of Analisa Beesburg is complete. She hasn’t sought out medical attention in a while. Must be either a very healthy young woman or a little careless. Either way I’m glad to hear from you. The family is well, we’re planning to go to…_

He didn’t read further, instead he read and reread the first few lines of the email. Ana hadn’t seen a doctor in eight years. It seemed impossible to him. She was bound to be sick, bound to be injured at some point, especially given her history. She needed to refresh some of her vaccines, needed to get a yearly health-check. There was no way she could just ignore all of these things for so long. 

Harvey got up from his chair, walking up and down in the waiting room, trying to make sense of it all. Clearly Ana was scared of hospitals but before she turned eighteen she had gone to see a doctor at least twice a year and then she suddenly stopped. Something might have happened while she was hospitalised after the accident eight years ago. But there was no way Harvey could have guessed what had occurred back then. He could always ask Ana but she wasn’t particularly keen on sharing personal information, that much he had learned about her.  
He sat down in one of the chairs and put his head in his hands, unsure of what to do. There was no way around pointing it out to her. He wasn’t going to let any of his patients take their health lightly, especially not when he cared for them on an emotional level. 

With a little more determination he walked back to the computer, opened Ana’s file once more and added a new report to her medical history. The first in eight years and definitely not the last.


	15. The Vegetable Patch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana is due for her check-up but when she fails to show up Harvey ventures out of town to make sure everything is okay

The following week passed very slowly. The temperatures kept rising and it was starting to get hot in the Valley as spring gave into summer. It was at this time of the year that the clinic stood pretty much empty, except for the occasional heat stroke or sunburn.  
While Harvey was glad people were healthy and happy, his work days were starting to feel never-ending. He had days without anyone coming to see a doctor so all that was left to do was stock tacking, cleaning and paperwork. It was bland and tiring, especially given the high temperatures.  
He was all the happier when Maru came in on Tuesday and on Thursday for her shifts. They usually worked in silence but it was still nice to have someone around and the occasional conversations were a refreshing change. But one particular exchange they had on Thursday made Harvey feel some sort of ways.

“I swung by Ana’s last night with my dad. He’s doing some research in the cave behind the farm and while he took care of that I had a chat with her. She said you’re a really good doctor”, Maru had told him while they took a coffee break in the waiting room.  
“Did she?”, Harvey had replied, trying to sound unimpressed but he felt a tickle of excitement in his stomach.  
“Yeah. She said she felt a little less terrified at the clinic than she normally would have, because you were with her”, Maru had elaborated and after she took a sip, “I had no idea she was scared of hospitals. She never mentioned it.”  
Harvey would have liked to share the fact that Ana hadn’t seen a medical professional in eight years but kept it to himself. It was confidential information after all and since Maru was clearly surprised about the farmer’s phobia, there was no point in asking further questions.  
“She talked about you a lot. I’m starting to think she might have a crush on you... Can you imagine?”, Maru had laughed after a little pause, and Harvey’s heart stung.  
He knew he wasn’t supposed to be with Ana but hearing other people laugh at the mere prospect of it made it all the more painful.  
“Yes. That’s very funny”, he had said and gotten up from his chair, “I’ll go back to my reports. Do you mind cleaning the floors this afternoon?”  
It wasn’t very nice of him to make Maru do work she didn’t enjoy but he was feeling very bitter towards her for the rest of that afternoon and after he told her to clean she was feeling just as bitter towards him so they spent the remainder of Thursday in silence. 

On Friday morning, Harvey woke up nervous. It was the day of Ana’s check-up and she was set to come by the clinic at around noon. He got up and ready for work, putting on one of his nicer shirts. Then he realised that there was no reason for him to dress up nicely. He didn’t have to try and impress Ana, there was no point. Instead he put on an older shirt, plain and white.  
Downstairs he tried to do some paperwork but couldn’t focus. Instead he read through some recent studies about parasites that lived underneath people’s fingernails, feeding on dirt and skin. It wasn’t very pleasant but it kept his mind from wandering off to think about the farmer.  
Noon came and went but Ana didn’t show up. Harvey was starting to feel a little anxious but he assumed she might have been held up on the farm. After an hour and a half of waiting, he decided to call her. He typed her number into the phone of the clinic only to be told that it doesn’t exist anymore. Harvey sighed. Of course her number from eight years ago didn’t exist anymore.  
The rest of the afternoon he spent cleaning the waiting room half-heartedly and sorting through some old papers, consistently looking at his watch or through the window, hoping against hope that Ana would show up after all. But she didn’t.

It was almost closing time when Harvey has had enough. He went to the examination room, grabbed his bag and packed the instruments he would need for Ana’s check-up. If she wasn’t going to come to the clinic the clinic was coming to her. With the bag in his hand he locked the door behind him and followed the cobblestone path out of town. 

He had walked by Beesburg Farm once or twice before but that was after he had just moved to the Valley. Back then he had gone on long walks to clear his head and to explore the surroundings. What he had discovered on the farmland was an old abandoned house with broken windows and doors, a locked-up sheds and the remains of what might have been a coop at some point. Everything had been covered in debris and grass and growth from the forest. Harvey had found it hard to believe that this had been a thriving farm at some point. And as he walked past the old bus stop, where cobblestone turned into dirt path, he realised how curious he was to see what Ana had made out of the remains of her grandfather’s farm. 

The walk was longer than he remembered but then again he was a little out of shape. After a little more than half an hour he finally saw a sign in the distance that read “Welcome to Beesburg Farm”. The sign was bright and colourful, Ana must have touched it up with some paint. Harvey walked past the sign and along the dirt path through a small strip of forest and found himself standing in front of the refurbished farmhouse. The broken windows and doors were fixed, it was freshly painted and clean. There was a hammock on the porch, peacefully swinging back and forth and the yard was decorated with carefully planted flowers in decorative pots.  
In the distance he saw a new coop, surrounded by a nice fence with four chicks digging through the dirt. He couldn’t help but smile as he saw them run around, twittering the day away. And further back, at the edge of the forest he saw four bee boxes with little swarms around them. Beyond the pond was an orchard that seemed to recover from years of neglect and he realised how much love Ana must have put into her work on the farm. Most of the land was clear from debris, he saw a tractor tire lying somewhere in the distance underneath a tree and wondered if this used to be a swing at some point.

Ana was little ways down in the middle of the vegetable patch, kneeling between rows of green bushes, apparently weeding. The sun was setting behind the forest that surrounded the farm and the golden light made Ana’s hair shimmer softly. Harvey caught himself wondering what it would feel like to come home to this after a long day at the clinic. What it would feel like to wake up here, to look through the window and see this instead of the town square. What it would feel like to sit in the hammock and read a book on a nice summer evening. He got a little lost in his imagination for just a moment but then he saw the dog.

Big. Very big. Like a young calf with long legs and short, black and white fur that was very dirty. He was sniffing the ground intently, his long tail wagging softly before he started rolling around in the wet earth of the patch, adding yet another dirt layer to his fur. Then he got up and started shaking his body. An impressive amount of dirt went flying through the air, much of it hitting Ana’s unsuspecting back. Harvey heard her moan as she got up and turned to look at her dog.  
“Are you kidding me?”, her voice carried across the farmland, “Any patch of mud you gladly jump into but Yoba forbid you have to take a fucking bath am I right?”  
The dog barked excitedly, unbothered by her scolding he jumped from side to side in front of her before he rolled over into the dirt again, showing her his belly.  
“I swear if you weren’t so cute”, she said and started rubbing the dog’s belly, then she continued in a much kinder voice, “So cute, you are so cute you stupid little brat.”  
Harvey laughed. This scene was adorably funny. His laugh wasn’t loud enough for Ana to hear but the dog looked straight at him. He got to his feet in no time, barking at Harvey, making the farmer look up and at him too.

“Oh, there you are!”, Harvey said, trying to act as though he had just arrived.  
The dog kept barking at him and he felt his neck burn. This wasn’t how he pictured this to go.  
“Shush now, Cow, it’s alright”, Ana told her dog and he followed her instructions reluctantly, “Hello Harvey! It’s good to see you! What brings you here?”  
“Well… we had an appointment today, didn’t we?”, Harvey replied, trying to sound professional.  
“Oh Yoba!”, Ana replied, “Oh I forgot… I’m… really sorry!”  
But Harvey wasn’t sure if that was entirely true, he assumed Ana had just tried very hard to forget. He watched as she left the vegetable patch behind and walked across the land towards him, Cow by her foot. She wore her hair in braided pigtails, which made her look very youthful. She wore a short, navy green overall and a blue tee underneath with a pair of bright red wellies. Her hands, face and legs were dirty and her clothes were stained with soil and grass. He couldn’t help but look at her bare, pale legs and realised she must have lost weight since he first met her.  
“I didn’t mean to be a no-show, I’m really sorry”, she repeated and Harvey could tell she was genuinely remorseful.  
“Don’t worry about it. I came to do the check-up right here if you’d like.”  
Ana’s eyes moved to look at the bag in his hand and then back to his face.  
“Right…”, she said and nodded absentmindedly, fear visibly coming over her, “Let me just… freshen up a little.”

She started walking towards the farmhouse and motioned for Harvey to come along. He did as he was told, Cow the dog right by their side. They walked up the steps to the porch and Ana opened the door to the farmhouse. Cow was ready to run inside but the farmer stopped him by placing one leg in his way.  
“As if!”, she laughed, “Look at you! All dirty. Na-uh, sir. You’re going to have to take a little bath in the pond before you’re allowed inside. You know the drill.”  
As if he understood what she had said, the dog winced but took a few steps back.  
“Go, chase some squirrels baby, you like doing that”, she told him before holding the door open for Harvey. 

Stepping inside he was surrounded by Ana’s sweet scent. Like flowers in spring. The house was nice with a lot of colour and love for detail. Harvey noticed immediately that she had painted the kitchen a bright yellow which he found to be an interesting choice, though it somehow made sense and now he couldn’t picture Ana in a kitchen that wasn’t bright and yellow with baskets full of dried flowers and herbs hanging from the wooden ceiling. The living room, which was adjacent to the kitchen was a little less colourful. Brown furniture and wooden panels with forest green accents and a lot of plants in little pots. Through the open door he saw a big dog bed that seemed mostly unused but he could tell that the armchair in the back was covered in short white hair and he thought it safe to assume that this was where Cow slept. It felt homey somehow even though Harvey’s never been here before. 

“Sit down. I’ll be right back”, she announced as she kicked the wellies off of her feet, then she headed towards the bathroom.  
He walked over to one of the two chairs placed at the small kitchen table. Ana had painted a little sun in the middle of the table and the sight of that made his chest feel tight. It was as though every little detail about her made his heart grow fonder of her, a fact he did not welcome, given the fact that he was her doctor now.  
He looked around a little more. All of her walls were decorated with plants on shelves and paintings that held Leah’s signature. A collection of gemstones was placed on one of her windowsills, shimmering in the golden light of the sunset. There was an array of framed photographs on the wall, depicting Ana with a few other villagers. Maru was in all of them, Emily was there, Penny, Shane, Leah, even Abigail and Sam were in one of them.  
Harvey was impressed, in only a little more than four months Ana had managed to make the Valley her home, something he wasn’t sure he had achieved yet. He went back to his daydream and pictured what it would be like to cook a nice, healthy dinner in a bright yellow kitchen. 

Ana returned shortly after, looking a little refreshed. She was now wearing a pair of jeans and the same floral print blouse she wore the night they first met. Her hair was still in pigtails but her face was free of dirt.  
“I’m really sorry. I’m usually very reliable. Would you like something to drink?”, she asked, walking into the kitchen.  
“A glass of water would be nice. The walk from town is a lot longer than I thought”, he replied, trying desperately to get back into his role as a doctor but he felt distracted by all the things around him that practically screamed her name at him.  
“That’s why I usually go by bike. Saves me a lot of time”, she said with a smile, then turned to fill a glass.  
“I really like your house”, Harvey said as Ana placed his water in front of him and sat down in the other chair.  
“Thank you… It’s far from what I want it to be though. I need a little more furniture and I’d like it if Robin could build a second fireplace in my bedroom before the winter… And none of that is very important, I’m sorry”, she replied and her cheeks flushed a little, “Let’s just get it over with, shall we? I don’t want to hold you up for too long.”  
“I think it’s interesting and you’re not holding me up. I have nowhere else to be”, Harvey said in a calm voice though his heart fluttered a little at the thought of Ana in her bedroom, next to a cosy fire, “But as you wish.”

The examination went as Harvey had expected. Ana had made a few, very minor, lifestyle changes so he had to tell her once more that she needed to drink, eat and sleep enough for her body to keep up with the load of work she had to do. Her vitals seemed alright, although her pulse and her blood pressure were a little higher than they should be. Harvey assumed that it had to do with her working in the warm weather all day. Ana promised she would take better care and there was pretty much nothing else Harvey could do right now. 

Then came the difficult part.  
“There’s something else I need to talk to you about”, Harvey began and Ana looked at him curiously.  
“Yeah?”  
“I have received your medical history from the hospital your former doctor works in…”, he began and saw what he thought was disappointment flashing across her face, “And it seems to me like you haven’t seen a medical professional in quite some time. Is that possible?”  
Ana picked at the nails, now avoiding Harvey’s gaze.  
“I… uhm… Yeah. I was very busy those past few… years”, she replied quietly.  
“Ana, this is not very prudent”, he said calmly, “I know you’re afraid of hospitals but I would like to help you get over this fear”  
“I don’t know if I can”, she said sadly, still not looking up.  
“I’m sure you can. If I can let my guard down and go for a swim in the ocean in the middle of the night, you can overcome your fears no problem”, he explained, making her smile weakly, “We’ll take small steps. Today was a good start. You did very well during the examination. Sometime this summer you’ll swing by for a general health check and we’ll also refresh your vaccines. Does that sound good?”  
“No”, she replied, finally looking up at him, “But I’ll do my best.”  
“That’s all I’m asking for”; Harvey said with an encouraging smile and after a quick glance at his watch, “I should head on home.”

They stepped out onto the porch, Cow greeted Ana as though he hasn’t seen her in years, making her jeans dirty and wet.  
“Well thank you for that”, she said simply before she picked up a small piece of firewood that was stacked on the porch and threw it across the farmland, Cow chasing after it like his life depended on it.  
The sun had set behind the forest but the sky was still tinted a light shade of blue. It was getting a bit chilly but Harvey didn’t mind. He preferred this over the heat he had walked through on his way to the farm. 

“Thank you for coming out here”, Ana said with a sad smile, “I still can’t believe I forgot.”  
“Don’t mention it. I’m here to help”, he replied in a calming voice, accompanied by a set of windchimes that started moving in the light breeze.  
“Harvey?”, she asked after a short pause.  
“Yes?”  
“I didn’t actually forget… I was too scared to go”  
“I know, Ana”, he replied.  
They looked at each other, both smiling sadly and her floral blouse reminded him of the first night they met at the saloon, how she had made him feel like he was worth listening to. He thought about the night at the beach, how it had felt when she had touched his arm. He thought of the evening of Pierre’s party, how he’d told her about planes and how badly he’d wanted to kiss her. He thought about her telling him not to run away at the egg festival and how tightly she had held his hand during her panic attack at the clinic. He thought about that one dimple in her cheek and the small gap between her teeth and the bright yellow kitchen and the sun she had painted on her table. He heard the chicks twitter and the dog bark and the crickets chirping, the rustling of the leaves and the wind chimes. He smelled the forest and the wet earth and the sweet scent of the flowers, he felt the breeze as it ruffled through his hair and suddenly he felt his hand reach out for hers and he felt her long fingers interlock with his. He saw her face, inching closer and then he felt her soft lips brush against his. It was sweet and gentle and it only lasted for a few seconds before reality caught up with him and he realised that this was a mistake. 

“I’m so sorry, Ana. I should not have done this”, he said and she looked away, letting go of his hand.  
“I know.”


	16. The Luau

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey spends time with Ana at the Luau and realises he's having a very hard time keeping his hands off her

Summer had officially arrived in the Valley. The sun was burning down, bringing serious thunderstorms with it that were raging on throughout the nights, making them very humid. No open window and no fan could help the heat. Harvey lay awake for hours every night, sweating and watching the lightnings flash, forced by his tired brain to relive dreaded memories. Like when he stood on Ana’s porch with her hand in his and his lips on hers. Or when he stepped back to tell her that that was a mistake. Or when he heard the quiver in her voice as she wished him a good night. Or when he turned around to look at her one last time on his way home and saw her sit on the steps to her porch with her face buried in her hands.

Harvey felt awful for what had happened that night. He should not have taken her hand, should not have kissed her. What had overcome him to do so, he had no idea. He had tried so hard to keep a professional distance but everything about Ana was luring him in, was calling for him to drop his professionalism and he made the grave mistake of following those calls. And now he had seriously hurt her feelings which is something he wanted to avoid so badly.  
He didn’t want to kiss her the night of Pierre’s party because he knew he was too old to make her truly happy. There was just no way he could give Ana all she needed. But to top this off, he was her doctor now, prohibiting him from having any kind of improper relationship with her to begin with. He knew the rules and yet, for the first time in his life, he had troubles sticking to them. 

Harvey hadn’t talked to Ana since that night, he hadn’t even seen her around and honestly, it might have been for the better. He clearly couldn’t control himself around her. Maru said she was terribly busy on the farm, making sure the thunderstorms didn’t ruin her crops, pickling vegetables and making jam, taking care of her chicks and building a barn with the help of Robin. He was jealous of Maru for being able to just spend time with the farmer while it took everything he had not to go see her. Instead he was lying awake at night, counting the seconds between lightning and thunder while thinking about Ana sitting on the steps to her porch with her face buried in her hands and how all of that was his fault. 

It was only a month later that he got to see her again, on the day of the Luau. Another festival in Pelican Town that was held on the beach. There was a cocktail bar, a dancefloor with upbeat beach music, a big bonfire and of course the main event: The potluck soup.  
Out of all the strange traditions of Pelican Town, this was by far the most appalling one in Harvey’s opinion. They placed an enormous pot in the middle of the beach and every member of the community was to bring one ingredient to add to the soup. Harvey had never tried the soup himself, the idea of thirty different people bringing thirty different ingredients at random never seemed inviting to him at all. He usually brought some vegetables, threw them in and when everyone could have a taste of the soup he conveniently disappeared to go and use the bathroom. 

He wasn’t a big fan of festivals, the crowds made him uneasy and the pressure to socialize was almost unbearable. On top of that they were asked to dress in beach attire for the Luau, which meant Harvey couldn’t rely on slacks and a plain shirt with a tie. So on the morning of the festival he reluctantly put on his red shirt with a white floral print and a pair of khaki shorts. Together with his one pair of sandals he decided this was as close to beach attire as he could get. He wasn’t the kind of guy that was comfortable running around in trunks and nothing else all day like Alex or Sam were. But he figured that this threshold came with age, a thought made him sigh.

Harvey busied himself with some stock taking in the pharmacy that morning, since nobody had scheduled an appointment for the day of the Luau and of course nobody was sick on such a big day either. At around two he locked up the clinic and made his way to the beach. He could hear the music blasting from afar and took a deep breath, mentally preparing for what the afternoon would bring.

The beach was already very crowded. He saw Marnie standing on a short ladder so she could comfortably stir the soup in the big pot, she was sweaty and looked very annoyed. As Harvey walked up to the pot to throw in the zucchinis he had brought, he heard her swear under her breath.  
“Makin’ me do the dirty work every year so nobody will get suspicious, as if! He just don’ want to be doin’ it himself”, she muttered, shooting angry glances towards Lewis who was standing next to the Governor.  
The Governor was invited to the Luau every year, Mayor Lewis had decided this was the one festival best suited to show off all the good sides of Pelican Town. Harvey didn’t understand what advantages schmoozing the Governor brought Lewis but then again, he had never been big on politics so he politely greeted the two men and walked past to get to the bar.  
Alex had been hired by Gus to work as a bartender this year and he seemed to enjoy the attention immensely. He had taken off his shirt and was mixing colourful cocktails for the group of girls that was hanging around him. Haley, Emily, Leah and even Maru were apparently liking the show, evident by the number of empty cocktail glasses standing before them. Shane and Pam were seemingly unimpressed as they both quietly drank their beer.  
He grabbed a glass of water with ice and walked to greet Evelyn and George who were hiding in the shades and had a little conversation with the two of them, mostly about that strange rash George had developed on his right arm, as he watched Vincent and Jas build a sandcastle with the help of Sam and Penny. Jodi was mingling with Caroline and Pierre and Abigail and Sebastian were sitting on the dock, far away from everyone else. 

As always during the festivals of Pelican Town, Harvey didn’t know what to do with himself. He drank his water in the shades of the pine forest that merged with the beach, waiting for something even though he didn’t know what.

“Finally! Get your cute, little tushie over here Ana!”, he heard Leah shout from the bar and turned his head to find the farmer had just arrived.  
She looked beautiful that day. Her hair was braided down the side of her neck and she wore a blue sundress that was tight and loose in all the right places. He watched her walk towards the bar, immediately becoming a part of the little group of girls. She hadn’t seen him standing in the shade and he figured it was for the best. He wasn’t exactly keen on seeing the resentment in her eyes, that’s why he decided to distance himself from the larger group and he headed across the wooden plank that separated the main beach from a more secluded area. It was rocky, which is why people preferred to stay on the other, sandier side. He was alone here and he liked that. 

Harvey sat down on a big rock and pulled out a paperback from the pockets of his khakis. Everyone was invited to enjoy their day at the beach as they pleased, this was how he chose to do it.  
The music was getting louder as the day wore on and as the heat of the sun was lessening, he heard the mayor starting his speech just before the Governor was to try the potluck. Harvey was glad he wasn’t nearby so it was easy to skip out on the soup this year. But just as he had lost himself in his book again, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He knew it was her before she even spoke.

“Hey there”, Ana said and he looked up at her in confusion.  
Searching her eyes for anger or disappointment he was surprised to find warmth instead.  
“Oh… Hello”, he replied, trying to give her a relaxed smile.  
“Are you hiding from that monstrosity of a soup?”, she asked and then, pointing at the rock next to the one he was sitting on, “Do you mind?”  
“Not at all”, he said, motioning for her to sit down, “Yeah, I’m not a big fan of frankensoup. But what are you doing here?”  
Ana laughed and the sound made Harvey’s chest feel tight.  
“I spent all my summers here when I was a kid, visiting the Luau every year without fail and not once was that soup any good”, she explained with a shrug, “So I snuck away from the crowd and found you here.”  
“I’m glad”, Harvey said and smiled at Ana genuinely.

They sat in silence for a little while, he watched her as she looked out to the horizon. The sun was slowly starting to set when Ana suddenly turned to smile at him.  
“Do you want to come see the tidal pools with me?”, she asked, taking Harvey by surprise.  
“Tidal pools?”  
“Yes! They’re great! Come one”, she said and got to her feet again.  
Harvey followed her reluctantly as she marched across the rocky underground with her bare feet and he was worried she might cut herself on some broken shells or sharp rocks. But without any such incident they reached a collection of rocks, piled four meters high that indicated the end of the beach, he clearly heard that beyond that was only the ocean. At a lower piled part of the rock formation Ana slowed down, eyes glued to the floor.

“I used to come here with my sister all the time. Romi and I would spend hours out here”, she said as she kneeled down in front of a very small tidal pool.  
Harvey walked up beside her and was surprised to find what seemed to be a little ecosystem of its own. There were colourful kinds of seagrass, some oysters and hermit crabs. He even saw one tiny little fish glittering in the light of the setting sun.  
“Isn’t this great?”, Ana asked and she sounded like a little kid, so full of excitement.  
As Harvey knelt down beside her he felt as though he was seven years old again, with his big glasses and messy curls, curiosity winning over sense and enthusiasm for the ordinary rushing through his entire body. He liked that most about Ana, how contagious her excitement was.

They spent an hour by the tidal pools, letting the little hermit crabs pinch their fingers and he watched her as she collect colourful seashells. He thought about bringing up the kiss but changed his mind. It was too peaceful and Harvey felt strangely at ease, he didn’t want to ruin that. Maybe he would get a chance to mention it later.

As the sun slowly started to disappear behind the horizon, the smell of smoke filled the air and Ana got to her feet, the shells she had collected in the pockets of her dress.  
“Let’s check out the bonfire?”, she suggested and Harvey was a little reluctant.  
He would have preferred to stay here with her, away from the others but he knew she was right. It was wiser to join the festivities again. 

The bonfire was ablaze, Sam was throwing pieces of wood into it, ashes covering his face and he was drenched in sweat.  
“There you are, Ana! You missed Sam almost setting himself on fire!”, Maru shouted when she saw the farmer, “Oh hey Harvey! When did you show up? I haven’t seen you all day.”  
“You haven’t seen much of anything besides Alex’s muscles”, Ana replied in his stead and shoved her friend lightly with her elbow.  
“Whatever are you talking about?”, Maru said, innocently glancing towards the cocktail bar.

The group gathered around the fire as the sun was setting and Gus brought out sausages and marshmallows that they could grill over the fire on a bunch of sticks. Harvey got separated from Ana as Emily dragged her to the dancefloor. They were joined by Lewis and Marnie, who seemed to be mad at him still as she kept stepping on his toes, Robin and Demetrius as well as Caroline and Pierre. Harvey noticed that the Governor had disappeared and based on that he assumed that the soup was probably not very palatable.  
He watched the sun set completely, leaving the world outside the shine of the fire pitch black. People were slowly starting to gather their things and left until only a handful of villagers remained. Normally Harvey would have been long gone, his discomfort would have made him leave hours ago but this year he felt quite content as he was sitting by the fire, especially once Ana dropped down next to him.

“It’s difficult to keep up with Emily”, she said out of breath, waving her hand in front of her dewy face in an attempt to move some cold air her way.  
Harvey laughed as Ana rolled her eyes dramatically.  
“It’s too hot”, she said and Harvey nodded  
“I agree”  
“You know what would help?”, Ana asked and the devious grin on her face promised an idea Harvey should say no to, “A little swim.”  
“Oh”, he said sheepishly, “Sure, go ahead.”  
“Come with me!”, she replied and he shook his head.  
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Besides I don’t have my swim trunks with me either.”  
“Neither of those two arguments stopped you last time. Just go in your undies”, she replied with a laugh, “Come on!”  
Ana got back on her feet and with one skilful motion she took off her sundress and let it fall in the sand. Harvey was lost for words as she stood in front of him in nothing but a red bathing suit. When they went for a swim in the spring, he’d only seen her in the pale light of the moon but this time around she was standing in the warm light of the fire, looking eerily beautiful. It took a lot for him not to stare at her well-shaped body.

“Hell yeah, Ana! Great idea! Let’s go for a swim!”, Sam commented as he saw the farmer standing in her bathing suit.  
The small group of people that was left on the beach consisted of Sam, Abigail, Alex, Emily, Haley and Leah, all of them were now stripping down to their swimwear and they ran towards the ocean. Ana stood in front of him, reaching her hand down.  
“So?”, she asked with her eyebrows raised.  
He had to say no. He knew he had to say no. He had to maintain his professional distance. But then why was he at the tidal pools with her? Why was it so hard to stay away from this woman?  
No. He had to say no. But his hand reached out to grab hers. He looked around, the people in the water were screaming bloody murder as they started a chicken fight. Nobody would notice if he joined. He got to his feet and as he took his shirt off he realised how ridiculous this was. He wasn’t a teenager anymore. Ana was already walking towards the water but just as he was about to change his mind, she turned to smile at him and he knew there was no way he could resist. It felt like she’d put a spell on him. 

The water was chilly but it felt nice in the heat of this summer night. They walked into the ocean a little further away from the rest of the group and it was hard to make out the others’ silhouettes in the darkness. They were practically alone. And finally he mustered up enough courage to mention the kiss.

“Ana, listen… I wanted to talk to you about what happened at the…”  
“It’s okay”, she interrupted him and even though he couldn’t make out her face in the darkness, he knew she smiled at him sadly, “I get it. I don’t like it at all but I do get it.”  
“It wouldn’t end well”, he said hoarsely as her legs brushed up against his.  
“Do you really think so?”, she asked very quietly.  
“Yes. I’m your doctor now”, he explained, “And on top of that I’m too old for you.”  
“You’re not too old for me”, she said, suddenly sounding amused.  
“Of course I am! I’m almost forty”  
“You’re like thirty-seven. That’s not old”  
“It is”, he replied.  
“I wasn’t your patient when we were at Pierre’s party… Is that why you turned me down? You thought you were too old?”  
“I _am_ too old”, he said firmly.  
“I disagree”, she said equally firmly and for a moment they were swimming in silence.

He was suddenly aware of how close her body was to his and he was reminded of the last time they were at the beach. When it was a simple crush and he didn’t even know if he’d ever be allowed to touch her, before everything was so much more complicated. And like that one night, Ana innocently placed her hand on his shoulder to keep herself from drifting away and instinctively Harvey placed his hands on her waste. He felt a burning sensation inside of him when his skin touched hers, a longing he hadn’t felt in years and just like that there was no more rational thought left in his idiot brain as he pulled her closer and she wrapped her legs around him. Her hands found his face and she pressed her salty lips against his. It wasn’t gentle this time around, it was eager, hungry.  
Her body melted into his as he pulled her even closer, his hands moving down from her waste. She whimpered into the kiss as she tightly wrapped her arms around his neck. He imagined what she would feel like and a groan escaped him. She bit his lip playfully and he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop himself anymore. But luckily someone else did.

“Where’s Ana?”, Leah shouted and the two of them let go of each other immediately, their hasty movement causing water to splash everywhere.  
“Shit”, Ana muttered breathlessly.  
“Yeah”, Harvey replied, panting slightly, “Shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy


	17. The Orchard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana sends a message to her sister, telling her about her situation with Harvey and asking for advise

to: romibb@zumail.fr  
from: anabb@zumail.fr  
object: cherries and peppermint

Romi,

Do you remember those dreadfully hot summer days in the Valley? When the sun was burning down on us, heating up the cobblestones and making the air flicker. Grandpa hated the heat, on the hottest days he always got up extra early to finish his work on the farm before the sun was rising and then he spent the rest of the day inside the farmhouse. He was too old to work in the heat of midsummer so he passed the time by reading, sleeping, cooking and knitting. But we didn’t want to stay inside, there was nothing there to keep us busy, so grandpa sent us to go and explore the forests that surround the farm, that way he didn’t have to worry about us getting a heat stroke because we were protected by a cooling roof and walls made of branches and leaves. 

Before we headed out he gave us little baskets so we could pick spice berries that he would make into jam the next day. He also packed lunch for us, usually sandwiches with homemade butter and well... spice berry jam. But he also told us to go to the orchard to grab a piece of fruit before we headed to the forest, do you remember that? We always wanted cherries. We weren’t interested in the apples or the pears or the apricots or the peaches. We only ever wanted cherries, but they were too high up for us to reach and we knew that. Yet, every day before we were headed into the forest we stood in the orchard, beneath that stupid cherry tree, reaching, reaching, reaching with all our might but to no avail. They just weren’t meant for us, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t want them. Maybe we wanted them so badly because we knew we couldn’t have them.

Did you know that I also had my first kiss in grandpa’s orchard? I was eleven and it was with one of the boys that used to live in the Valley, I think his name was Benjamin but I’m not sure. We used to play with him and his little sister all the time. They had bright red hair, big brown eyes and their faces were covered in freckles. One morning they came by the farm so we could go for a swim in the pond but before we went into the water he asked me to come to the orchard with him so I did.  
The trees had lost most of their petals and the apples and cherries were starting to turn from green to red. I still remember the smell of it, the fruity sweetness that was in the air combined with his peppermint candy breath. He asked me if I wanted to hold hands and I did. Then he told me that he thought I was really nice and very pretty. That made me happy. I remember it too, that warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach when he said those words. And then he asked me if I liked him back and I did. And then he asked me if I wanted to kiss him and I did. 

It was a short peck on the lips, hardly worth mentioning but it made me feel so giddy. It smelled like peppermint and his breath tickled my nose. I was still missing my front teeth, from when I raced that bike down the mountain and crashed into the tree so I doubt it was very nice for him, but he looked pretty pleased. After that one little kiss that didn’t last more than a second, we got up and raced out of the orchard and to the pond, back to you and his sister. You didn’t ask what we were doing and I was scared you’d tell grandpa about it so I never mentioned it to you. 

You’re probably thinking ‘ _Ana, what the fuck is up with you, why do you tell me that_ ’ and honestly I’m not so sure either. Every day I recover memories from those summers that we spent here with grandpa and the hotter it gets the more recollections wash over me like waves. But instead of cool, salty water I’m surrounded by bittersweet melancholy. I guess I wanted to share that with you. I don’t know…

You see, when Harvey kissed me while we were standing on the porch it felt a little like my first kiss. Maybe that’s why I remembered? It was gentle, short. His moustache tickled and he smelled like cologne. A little more mature than my kiss with Benjamin but it left me feeling just as giddy. Until he stepped back to tell me it was a mistake that is.  
I thought that was it. I thought that short little kiss was all I’d ever get from him but I was wrong. Because tonight at the Luau he kissed me again. It was a little different this time around a little more… intense. We might have gone further but we were interrupted. And then Harvey immediately grabbed his things and rushed on home. I ran after him, trying to convince him to stay but he only said something like ‘ _This isn’t right, Ana. We can’t do this. We overstepped boundaries_ ’ and so on and so forth. And I stayed behind, watching him leave.

Yoba, I don’t think I’ve ever been quite so frustrated in my life. Tonight I felt like I finally managed to get one of those sweet, hard to reach cherries into my greedy little hands but I lost my balance, slipped and fell into the dirt. And now I’m on the ground and the sun is burning down on me and it’s getting too hot for me to get back up. 

No guy has ever made me feel like this before. There’s something about Harvey that I want, that I crave. And it’s not sexual, not entirely anyways (too much information?). He’s radiating safety. A kind of safety that I feel like I’ve been lacking for so long and that’s why I’m so drawn to him. He’s calm and composed most of the time but even when he’s getting nervous and flustered he still makes me feel at ease because it’s so crystal clear that he has nothing but good intentions, which also makes it really hard to be upset with him for leaving me stranded like this.  
He’s getting in his own way, constantly overthinking. Sometimes I can see him overthinking what he said while he’s still talking, fidgeting with his glasses, blushing, stumbling over his own words, caught in a headspace that prevents him from leaving his comfort zone. And I’m not saying that this comfort zone is a bad place, I got a taste of it when he took care of me after I fainted. He’s a brilliant doctor but he’s clearly uncomfortable to be anything besides that. It takes a lot of pushing, pulling, some wine and naked skin to get him to be himself. And this might be the reason he refuses to get close to me. He’s my doctor and he feels more comfortable in this professional position so he uses it as an excuse not to take me even though I’m practically throwing myself at him.

Or maybe he just doesn’t want to be with me. I don’t know… Does it make sense to keep trying? Please tell me, clearly I can’t think straight anymore.

Either way, I can’t wait for summer to end. It brings so many memories with it, it’s getting a little tiring. It feels like I can’t stay in the present. It’s four thirty in the morning and there’s another thunderstorm raging on. I can’t sleep, I’m too scared. I’ve been scared for so long. I just want to feel safe again, Romi.

I hope your summer feels a little lighter, I hope it smells like peppermint and cologne and I hope you eat lots of cherries and sandwiches with butter and spice berry jam.

All the love in the world,  
Ana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ana's chapters aren't very popular it seems but they're important, I promise  
> thank you for reading and for your encouraging comments, they really mean the world to me (:


	18. The Bedroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A storm is brewing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler:  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> very light smut ahead

Harvey stood in his tiny kitchen, watching the coffee flow into his mug. It was an old mug, he had received it from a colleague back when he still worked at the Zuzu City General Hospital. The handle was green and the faded print read ‘ _It’s a beautiful day to save lives_ ’. Harvey looked out through the small window over his sink and watched as the rain came pouring down, forming big puddles in the town square that reflected the lights of the street lamps. It was neither day nor beautiful.

This must have been the heaviest thunderstorm of the summer. All throughout the day the people of Pelican Town watched as the storm clouds gathered just behind the peaks of the mountains that seamed the Valley and after the sun had set they rolled over the village with an immense force. Lightning flashed and mere moments after that sounded the deep, threatening roar of thunder. The storm was right above Pelican Town. 

He sighed and grabbed his mug, now full with coffee as yet another lightning flashed, illuminating the night for just a second. Barely long enough for Harvey to make out the lonely figure, walking across the town square.  
Her hood was up and she stumbled as she pushed her rusty, old bike through the town, clearly struggling as she walked against the wind.

“What the hell does she think she’s doing?”, Harvey muttered and fumbled to open the window with one hand, spilling half of his coffee in the process.  
Once he managed to turn the handle, the window was flung open by the force of the storm. He felt raindrops against his skin, sharp like whips.  
“Ana”, he shouted but she didn’t seem to hear him, “Darn it.”

He closed the window, not without a struggle, spilling the rest of his coffee and then marched out of the kitchen and through the living room. In a rush he left the apartment and went downstairs, through the clinic, fumbling with the keys that were in his pocket still to unlock the door.

“Ana!”, he shouted once more, the moment he could get the door open, “Ana!”  
She was a few feet past him at this point, barely lit by the street lamp next to the clinic but she seemed to have heard something as she turned her hooded head to look around. When her eyes met his they widened in surprise. 

He hadn’t seen Ana since he had left the Luau in a hurry. The mere thought of that caused him to feel like he was struck by the lightning that flashed at that moment.  
“Get in here!”, he yelled against the storm and she shook her head, responding something he couldn’t make out as the thunder roared above them.  
He looked at her in confusion but when she pointed towards the farm he understood. She wanted to make sure everything was alright at home, but the storm was raging and showed no sign of leaving Pelican Town anytime soon.  
“Don’t be ridiculous!”, he shouted and motioned for her to come into the clinic, “It’s too dangerous!”  
“It’s fine”, her response barely carried through the wind, “I need to take care of the farm!”  
“You can do that later!”  
“What?”  
“Later!”  
“No, I have to…”, the rest of her sentence was cut off as lightning struck one of the power poles just outside of town.  
Sparks and broken wood went flying, Ana screamed and less than a second after that everything was dark. Pelican Town had no electricity.

“Get in here right _the fuck_ now!”  
He practically screamed and he was pleased to see that the farmer came running towards him. She dropped her bike carelessly before she stepped inside. Harvey closed the door behind her and they were surrounded by darkness.

“I didn’t know you could swear like that”, she said in a small voice after a few moments.  
Harvey snorted.  
“Let’s go upstairs”, he said and started walking towards his apartment, Ana’s hesitant footsteps behind him.

As they carefully walked up the stairs in the darkness, he realised that the only two people that had ever been to his apartment were Mayor Lewis, when he had welcomed him in Pelican Town, and Maru, whenever he made coffee for the two of them. Suddenly very nervous about the unexpected visitor he thought of the dirty dishes in his sink, the mess he had left on the kitchen table when he had worked on a model airplane and his overflowing laundry basket in the bathroom.  
“Uhm…”, he started as he opened the door to his apartment, “I didn’t expect anyone to come by so… I… I didn’t clean. Please excuse the mess.”  
“Don’t worry, I doubt I’ll see much of it any time soon”, Ana replied, audibly amused.  
“Right”, he said and stepped aside to let her in.

“Wow, I love what you did with the space”, she joked, standing in complete darkness and Harvey knew she was trying to lighten his mood.  
“Thank you”, he continued the joke with a chuckle, “I wasn’t sure about the colour at first but I’ve come to like it.”  
“I can see wh-“, she started and then, accompanied by a loud thud, “Ouch… crap.”  
“Are you alright?”, he asked concerned.  
“Yeah, I bumped into… a couch? Maybe?”  
“Oh yeah”, Harvey said, “Take a seat. I’ll go get a flashlight.”  
“I don’t think you want my tush on your couch”, she replied, “I’m soaked.”  
“Right… I’ll get a towel, clothes and a flashlight.”

Harvey had a flashlight in the drawer of his bedside table for emergencies, he picked it up and turned it on, then rummaged through his closet to find something for Ana to wear. He picked out a random tee and a pair of pyjama pants and handed them to her. She was standing beside him, shivering slightly but her eyes searched his poorly lit bedroom curiously. He had imagined her in here with him on multiple occasions, most of those scenarios included her naked body, which made his neck burn with shame. 

“There you go”, he said and walked to the bathroom that was adjacent to the bedroom, “You can change in here.”  
“Thank you”, she replied as he handed her the flashlight.  
She closed the bathroom door and he walked out of the bedroom and into the living room.

With a heavy sigh he sat down on the couch, trying not to think about what had happened after the Luau but the scenes kept flashing in front of his eyes like the lightning outside, filling the darkness. How she came running after him, out of the water.  
“Where are you going?”, she had said, “Please stay.”  
“Ana, if this ever comes out I’ll lose my licence! I’ll lose my job! We’ve overstepped our boundaries!”  
“I won’t tell anyone”, she had replied and after a heavy pause, “I’m sorry…”  
“No. No. I’m sorry. I should be able to control myself. It’s just… It’s…”  
“Difficult”, she had replied for him.  
“Yes. I’m… I’m sorry, Ana. This isn’t right. I can’t give you what you need.”  
She had remained silent. A difficult silence, heavy and dry.  
“We can be friends”, he had said and felt his heart sting, “But no more than that.”  
“If that’s what you want”, she had replied in an unfamiliar tone, “I think I’ll join the others now.”  
And with that she had turned around to get back into the water where the other villagers had greeted her excitedly.

A loud thunder rolled over the town as he buried his face in his hands.  
“Everything okay?”  
He looked up and into the light of the torch. Ana was standing in the door, his baggy clothes on her small frame.  
“Of course”, he replied with a weak smile, “Do you want to sit down?”  
“Oh no”, she laughed, “I’m going to check out your apartment now. You got to see my house. That’s only fair.”  
“Oh… Okay”, Harvey said, his cheeks burning at the thought of his many shelves carrying model airplanes, hoping against hope that she wouldn’t see them. 

But of course she did. They were the first thing she saw. How could they not be? The shelves took up a lot of space and they were filled to the brim.  
“Oh wow”, she said as she walked towards them, “How many are they?”  
“I lost count”, he replied, carefully following her.  
“And you built those yourself, right?”  
“Yeah. And I also painted them”, he added, not sure if this made it better or worse.  
“No way”, she exclaimed and, with her hand hovering over one of them, “Can I?”  
“Sure, go ahead”, he replied, his entire face was burning at this point.  
Ana examined the model in the light of the torch, lightning flashing and thunder rumbling before she spoke.

“You did all of that?”, she asked and he nodded sheepishly, “Harvey this looks so good! How long have you been doing that for?”  
“Ever since I can remember, really”, he replied, fidgeting with his glasses, “It’s not a very interesting hobby but it really helps me calm down…”  
“Which one is your favourite?”, she asked, her bright grey eyes looking straight into his and he couldn’t believe that after everything he’s done over the past months she was still so kind.  
“My… my favourite?”, he asked back and she nodded excitedly, “I guess… hm…”  
Harvey looked through his collection, thinking hard. Two lightnings flashed until he finally grabbed one, a bright red fighter.  
“This one. I made it with my grandpa just before he passed”, he explained and Ana looked at it curiously.  
“How old were you?”, she asked with a smile.  
“Fifteen”, he replied after quick calculations and carefully placed it back on the shelf, “I think.”

Ana replaced the model she was holding as well.  
“That’s so nice. This is great, Harvey”, she said, then turned to look around some more.  
“You think so?”  
“Of course! It’s… Oh! What’s that?”  
Ana had discovered his radio equipment.  
“It’s uhm… It’s a radio… I use it to contact pilots. Or at least I’m trying to…”  
“Oh… I suppose I can’t ask for a demonstration, can I?”  
“It _does_ need electricity“, he replied with a smile.  
“Some other time?”, she asked with an innocent look in her eyes.  
“Of course.”

“Enough snooping”, she then announced and they headed back to the couch.  
“So...”, Harvey began, noticing just how close Ana was, “What were you doing out in the storm anyways?”  
“I was out to deliver something to Elliott by the beach. I thought I’d make it back to the farm on time but the storm started so suddenly. Elliott invited me to stick it out at his place but... well…”  
“You wanted to go back to check on the farm”, Harvey finished her thought.  
“Yeah. I’m just glad I didn’t leave Cow outside. He’s probably dying of fear right now.”  
“He seemed like a brave guard dog when I came to visit you on the farm”, Harvey said, vividly remembering how the big dog had barked and growled at him.  
“Oh no. He’s all bark and no bite”, Ana laughed and Harvey looked at her with a smile.

She was gorgeous in the dim light of the torch. Her hair was in a bun, messy and still wet, her cheeks were flushed and Harvey really liked seeing her in his clothes.  
“What?”, Ana asked as she noticed him staring.  
“You’re beautiful.”  
The words escaped his mouth before he could think about it. He bit his tongue. What was it about Ana that made him lose control over his actions? 

She looked at him in surprise, then shook her head.  
“I’m not”, she replied and the sadness in her eyes showed that she meant it.  
Harvey felt his heart sink a little. How could she not see how gorgeous she was?  
“You are, Ana. You really are”, he repeated, realising that he had leaned forward, inching closer to her face, unable to stop himself and, quite frankly, not willing, “You’re beautiful.”

Her lips found his. Harvey breathed her in. The scent of flowers and soil, mixed with the smell of rain that still clung to her wet hair. Lightning flashed as he placed his free hand on her waist to pull her closer. She buried her fingers in his hair as she climbed onto his lap. He gasped for air, feeling his loin burn for her. He let go of the flashlight and it rolled off of the sofa and onto the floor. The batteries fell out and the living room went dark. 

His hands moved down the curve of her back. She hummed as she leaned deeper into their kiss, causing the little voice in the back of his mind, that screamed for him to stop, to become mute. Nothing mattered right now. Nothing but Ana. He wanted to be close to her, as close as possible. 

She was unbuttoning his shirt and he had just one moment to be self-conscious before she started planting kisses down his neck. He sighed contently, holding onto her a little firmer.  
“Beautiful”, he managed to breathe into her ear, feeling her grip tighten.  
Ana let go of him, pulling away just a little, taking off the tee she was wearing with one skilful motion. He could hardly see her but his hands and lips explored every inch of her skin, listening to the little noises of pleasure that escaped her.  
“I want you, Harvey”, she whispered.

Lightning flashed and almost immediately after that thunder roared. The storm was directly above the clinic now. It was only the two of them in complete darkness. There was nobody else and there were no consequences to their actions. 

He held her closer, his arms wrapped around her legs, her legs wrapped around his waist as he got up. Her body pressed up against his, as he moved to the bedroom in the meagre light of the storm, her breath tickling his neck. He carefully placed her on the bed and she pulled him closer.  
“Tell me you want me”, she said, her voice barely audible.  
“I want you”, he replied without hesitation, “I really, really do.”  
He inhaled sharply as her hands moved down his waist. 

They got undressed swiftly, their hands explored each other’s naked bodies, listening to every moan and sigh, eager to learn, eager to please. The excitement in the air mixed with the tension of the storm that was raging on made Harvey feel like his heart was about to burst. She pulled him closer, closer, closer until they were one.

She felt incredible. Her hot breath against his neck, moaning, gasping for air as she made him her own with her long fingers dug into his back. He whispered her name, as to remind himself that this was not a dream, that she was here with him and she placed her lips on his as lightnings flashed and thunders rumbled. But it was over too soon and as the storm moved away slowly, reality caught up with them.

They were lying next to each other in the darkness, their naked bodies still touching.  
“Ana”, Harvey began and he felt a sting in his chest because it sounded so different when her name left his lips now than it did mere minutes ago.  
“I know what you’re going to say”, she responded and sat up.  
Harvey watched her silhouette get out of bed, thunder rumbling in the distance, trying his best to form a sentence to defuse the situation but for the second time that night his brain failed him.  
“And honestly, I’m tired of it”, she continued instead, carefully walking towards the bathroom, “You’ve told me the same thing multiple times by now. You say that there are clear boundaries we can’t overstep, right?”  
Ana entered the bathroom as she was talking. He heard her shuffle around in there for a moment and when she came back out she was pulling up her wet jeans.  
“Ana”, he tried once more but she interrupted him.  
“Well these boundaries aren’t very clear to me. Where do they start, Harvey? When we go for a swim in our underwear like we did in spring? When you share a bottle of wine with me like you did at Pierre’s party? Or do they start when you take my hand and kiss me like you did on the farm? Or when you pull me closer to make out with me in the ocean like you did at the Luau? Or do they start when you fuck me like you did just now?”

Harvey winced quietly when she said the last part. Her tone was so sour, it didn’t sound like her at all but what made it even worse was that he knew that she had every right to be upset. He had been very inconsistent with his behaviour towards her and he felt awful about it. He tried to apologise but couldn’t, he was completely mute as he watched Ana pulling her own, wet shirt over her head while she continued to speak.

“And the fact is, I don’t understand why you never seemed to consider the option of me registering with another doctor. That way there would be no boundaries at all. We’d just be two consenting adults”, she said, now sitting down on the edge of his bed, putting on her socks, “Oh, right but that’s your next issue, right? I’m too young! You say you can’t give me what I need. But what does that even mean? What do you think I’m looking for? A knight in shining armour? I’m not fucking six, Harvey! I know what I want. But do _you_?”

He couldn’t feel his fingers anymore and it seemed as though he had lost control over his voice. All he could do was look at her silhouette, as she put on her jacket, and listen to all the anger she had kept inside for the past months. He knew he deserved this, he deserved every single one of her angry words. He wanted to say something, anything. Wanted to tell her that he’s sorry, wanted her to know how much he cared for her, how badly he wanted to be with her. He wanted to tell her that he knew a great doctor she could register with, wanted to offer her to help with the process, wanted her to know that there was nothing in this world he’d rather do than give her all he had to give. But all of these words were stuck in his throat, he didn’t have the courage to say them out loud. 

“Well be so kind as to let me know once you’ve figured it out”, Ana said after he failed to answer.  
She turned around and left the bedroom. The sound of her footsteps in the living room finally brought life back to Harvey. He got out of bed and felt around for his underwear.  
“Ana wait!”, he said, running after her while he clumsily put his boxers on, “You shouldn’t go out in a storm like this, especially not when your clothes are all wet!”  
“Thank you very much, Harvey but this is not a doctor’s appointment as far as I know”, Ana replied while she put on her wellies that were left standing by the door earlier.  
“You’ll catch a cold”, he continued, fully aware that he was saying all the wrong things.  
“If I do catch a cold I’ll make sure I stop by the clinic so my doctor can have a look at it and who knows, if he’s in the mood for it and if he can bend his boundaries far enough, maybe I can get a good _fuck_ out of it too!”, Ana snapped and opened the apartment door forcefully.  
“Ana”, he tried one last time but she was already running downstairs, slamming the door shut behind her.

Harvey stood, staring at the shut door, listening to the thunders that were rumbling somewhere in the distance as the storm was moving farther and farther away. He couldn’t move, his heart heavy in his chest because he knew that all of this was his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope you like this one  
> thank you for reading, it genuinely means a lot


	19. The Dance of the Moonlight Jellies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey wants to make things right with Ana

After the big storm had passed it seemed as though the temperatures were finally dropping. It was still very hot for another month but as summer was nearing its end it brought on some rainy days, which was a relief for everyone in Pelican Town. 

Harvey had spent those days sitting by his radio, listening to the endless static because it was better than the painful silence that surrounded him since Ana had shut the door behind her. He hadn’t seen her since, not in the Saloon, not in Pierre’s, he hadn’t even seen her bike by the clinic. And yet she was the only thing on his mind. 

A thousand times had he forced himself to relive that night, analysed every moment, every word, every glance, laugh and touch leading up to her outburst. And all of those thousand times he came to the same conclusion: She was right. He had been sending her all those mixed signals, telling her they couldn’t be together, then pulling her in for a kiss. Who wouldn’t be confused?  
But he didn’t mean to be such an ass, he genuinely tried to do the right thing, or so he thought. But it slowly dawned on him that maybe, just maybe, he had been looking for excuses so he wouldn’t have to confront his own feelings and fears. And as he was sitting by his radio, watching the rain hit his windows, he had plenty of time to catch up on that.

The only times he heard of Ana was when Maru told him about her. He never asked about the farmer so the information he got was a bit meagre but from what he gathered she was busying herself on the farm. Maru told him about the great spice berry jam Ana had made and about how Cow finally overcame his fear of water, about the wine tasting she had held on the farm with her first batch of homemade cherry wine and about the art show they wanted to host for Leah in autumn. 

He told himself that it was good that she was getting on with her life, but he was jealous she could just move on after what had happened. But of course she could move on. She wasn’t a coward like him. She had done everything she could in trying to get closer to him. Overcoming his fear of opening up to someone was his to work through. And with the temperatures dropping and summer coming to a close, he feared it was too late. 

On the day of the Dance of the Moonlight Jellies, Harvey woke up anxiously. The Moonlight Jellies only showed themselves once a year, Demetrius and Willy kept steady watch by the beach, alerting the villagers when the rare creatures were in proximity. They would then lure them in with a lantern on a raft so everyone could admire their bioluminescent beauty before they continued their long journey south. It was absolutely breath-taking, probably Harvey’s favourite event here in Pelican Town. He knew Ana wouldn’t miss this spectacle for the world and he wanted to use this opportunity to apologise to her for the way he had acted. Even if she didn’t want to be with him anymore, he at least owed her that. 

The event only started once the sun had set and although with every passing day dusk was falling earlier, nobody would gather by the beach before nine. He busied himself with cleaning and ordering medication in preparation for the oncoming season. Once that was all done he sent some letters to the villagers to remind them to get their flu shots early on. By the time he was done with that he headed upstairs to change. He put on a nice shirt with a tie and some slacks, trying to stay as calm as possible but his heart raced at the mere prospect of seeing Ana again, wondering how she would react, wondering if she wanted to talk to him at all. He knew he had to muster up all the courage he could find tonight and he promised his reflection in the mirror that he wouldn’t return here without getting everything he had to say off his chest. With an unfamiliar determination he left the clinic behind and headed to the beach.

The beach was decorated with dozens of lanterns that formed a path leading to the docks. People would gather there because it provided an incredible view without having to get too close to the jellies, so there was no risk of disturbing them. Harvey walked down the longer one of the two wooden docks, looking for Ana.  
Mayor Lewis was preparing the wooden raft with the lantern that was supposed to lure the jellies in, Robin and Demetrius by his side. Harvey heard Abigail and Sam shouting from the smaller dock, Shane carried Jas on his shoulders as he argued with Marnie, who apparently deemed this stunt unsafe. Evelyn and George were standing by the water, quietly holding hands, Caroline was mingling with Jodie and Pierre was chatting with Willy. Harvey saw Elliott standing by himself, wistfully staring out to the horizon and finally, at the very end of the dock he saw Maru, who was sitting by the edge with Penny, Leah, Emily and Haley but he was disappointed to find that Ana wasn’t with them. 

Suddenly this entire event seemed pointless. If she didn’t get to see them, why would they even bother luring those stupid jellies in in the first place? Harvey was feeling the frustration rise as he walked back down the docks, hoping he might have overlooked her even though he knew there was no way he could have. How could she miss this? It made no sense. He stopped, turning to face the ocean. Lewis sent out the lantern, in a few minutes the water would be lit up by the glowing creatures. In a few minutes a rare spectacle would occur and yet all he wanted to do was go home. He felt very lost and had no idea what to do with himself now, just like he had felt at the Luau. And suddenly he thought he knew where he might find Ana.

He didn’t know if this made sense at all or if he just clung to any strand of hope, he left the docks behind and hurried across the beach, away from the lanterns towards the little bridge that separated the main part from the rocky part of the beach. Carefully, as to not slip and fall, he walked across the rocks, farther and farther out until he saw the large stone pile in the distance and at the foot of it, the tidal pools that were weakly reflecting the moonlight and -Harvey’s heart skipped a beat- the light of a single lantern. 

Ana was sitting on one of the big rocks her arms wrapped around her legs and as she heard him approach she turned her head. He couldn’t make out her expression in the weak light of the lantern, so he stopped a few feet away from her, trying to give her as much space as she needed. 

“Hello Ana”, he said awkwardly.  
“Oh… Hello Harvey”, she replied.  
She sounded sad. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart.  
“Why are you out here by yourself? Don’t you want to join the others?”, he asked her carefully, trying his hardest to make out her expression but she turned her head to face the ocean.  
“Sometimes jellies get washed ashore around here”, she began to explain and Harvey noticed a big bucket full of water standing next to the lantern.  
“So you help them back into the ocean?”, he asked.  
“Yeah.”  
“How do you know they get stranded?”, Harvey continued, happy to find that she was willing to talk to him.  
“Romi and I got to see the jellies a handful of times when we came to visit for the summer… And one morning after the event we found some of them out here. They were dead, of course. That’s why we decided not to watch the next dance on the docks with the others but to make sure none of them would get washed ashore”, she explained, “And if one got stranded, we put it back into the water. Besides, sometimes it’s nice to be alone.”  
“Do you want me to leave?”, he asked, already dreading her answer.  
She let out a heavy sigh.  
“I don’t know, Harvey. Do whatever works best for you”, she said, her voice still sounded very sad and this made his heart feel heavy.

“Ana… listen…”, he began but all the words he had rehearsed for the past weeks got tangled in his brain, leaving him with nothing but a knot made out of apologies and confessions.  
“I’m sorry, Harvey.”  
This took him by surprise.  
“Uh… what?”  
“I’m sorry”, Ana repeated and she turned her head once more to look at him, “I said some mean things before I left. I was upset but I shouldn’t have come down on you the way I have. It was disrespectful and I’d like to apologise for that.”

“No”, Harvey shook his head firmly, “No, Ana I’m the one who needs to apologise. I’ve been sending a lot of mixed signals, I was accommodating my own insecurities and that was just unfair. I’m sorry for being so complicated, I really thought I was doing the right thing but… I’ve been a coward. Constantly backing away… constantly finding excuses because… because I’m used to being by myself. I’ve been alone for most of my life. And you know… The older you are the harder it is to change things about yourself.”  
Ana laughed weakly.  
“You’re thirty-seven”, she said, “That’s not old.”  
“It is.”  
“It’s not”, she repeated but her voice sounded a little lighter than it did before, “Not to me.”  
His heart was beating even faster than before. Maybe he still had a chance? He took a deep breath and walked a little closer to the rock she was sitting on, his eyes glued to her silhouette so he could see any signs of discomfort she might display. But she sat still, looking up at him.

“It was… difficult not seeing you those past few weeks”, he began weakly.  
“Yes. I think so too”, she replied.  
“And I really don’t like it when you’re upset with me”, he continued.  
“I’m not upset anymore”, she said, reached out her hand and gave Harvey’s lower arm a reassuring squeeze.  
When she tried to pull away again, Harvey felt a sudden rush of courage as he took her hand in his. Her fingers were cold, just like they were on the first night they had met.  
“You had every right to be upset. I was an ass.”  
“Kind of”, she replied and he felt relief at the amusement in her voice.  
“But I want to make it up to you. You mean a lot to me, Ana. You really do.”  
“What were you thinking?”, she asked quietly.  
“I was thinking maybe I could make dinner for us some time?”  
“Are you asking me out?”  
“I guess I am”, he replied, holding his breath nervously.  
“No more running away?”, she asked.  
“No more running away”  
“Promise?”  
“Promise”, he repeated and carefully squeezed her hand.

Ana interlocked her fingers with his and pulled him closer. He took a step forward and then leaned into her, their lips touching softly. It was a sweet kiss, the kind that feels like a little eternity. Harvey breathed in the salty ocean air combined with Ana’s floral scent. He couldn’t believe this was his reality. He held onto her hand a little tighter, just to make sure she was really here, just to make sure she hadn’t let go of him yet. But there she was, despite all of his insecurities and despite his fears. It felt like his heart was doing somersaults in his chest. 

When they finally broke apart, Ana looked up at him for a few seconds.  
“And?”, she asked.  
“What?”, Harvey replied, a little confused.  
“Flight instinct kicked in yet?”, she said and he could tell by her tone that she was joking.  
“Of course not”, he smiled.  
“Good! Then sit down and watch the jellies with me!”

Harvey sat on the rock next to Ana, his hand still holding onto hers. Her fingers were still as cold as they were when he first touched them, like they simply refused to warm up.  
“Look”, Ana breathed and Harvey looked up to find that the water by the docks was starting to light up slowly.  
The bioluminescent creatures had arrived. They shone like blurry white stars and it look like someone had painted the night sky with watercolours.  
“There must be hundreds of them”, she whispered, “Incredible!”  
Harvey let go of her hand and put his arm around her instead, pulling her closer to him. Ana put her head on his shoulder and they watched this spectacle of nature in silence. The only sound was the crashing of the waves as they hit the rocks. 

It didn’t last very long, the lantern that lured them in burned out fast in the salty ocean wind and soon it looked as though the black water was eating the jellies up as they moved away from the beach and towards the horizon.  
“Incredible”, Ana repeated once they were all out of sight.  
“Yes”, Harvey whispered and pressed his lips lightly against her temple.  
Ana shivered. It had gotten fairly chilly and Harvey wasn’t sure if the little drops of water he felt on his face were coming from the ocean or the sky.  
“Let’s head back to the town?”, he suggested, careful not to sound presumptuous.  
He didn’t want her to think he expected them to spend the night together after they had just made up.  
“Not yet”, she said simply and moved a little closer to Harvey.  
He didn’t object. 

They sat in silence for another while, Ana’s hand in his hair and his arm wrapped around her tightly. Harvey lost all sense of time. He enjoyed being here with her in the darkness but his mind kept wandering off, imagining all the things they could do together in the light.  
“This is really nice”, she whispered after what felt like both a brief moment and a little forever.  
Harvey hummed in reply, leaning in for a kiss but before his lips could find her cheek, Ana jumped up.  
“Look!”, she exclaimed, her silhouette pointing towards the edge of the beach.  
She turned around and grabbed her bucket full of water, then walked towards the ocean.

“What are you doing”, Harvey asked and got to his feet.  
He picked up the lantern and followed Ana on her way to the shore.  
“It’s a jelly!”  
Harvey caught up with her just to see that Ana was right. A very small jellyfish had washed up, pathetically squirming. The waves weren’t reaching the little creature anymore as the tides turned. Harvey thought he could see its glow fading slowly and watched as Ana carefully scooped it up and placed it into the bucket.  
“They don’t sting”, she explained as she got to her feet, “But they are very delicate. They’re mostly water so there’s not a lot that’s holding them together. Let’s look for more.”

Ana and Harvey walked up and down the shore to see if they could find any more stranded jellies. He found one more, it had already stopped glowing but as soon as they placed it into the bucket of water it started illuminating gently. Once they made sure no jellies were left to die, they walked back across the bridge and onto the long dock that was now completely empty. Ana insisted they had to release them out here so they were less likely to wash up again. She crouched down and carefully emptied the bucket into the ocean. They watched as the jellies started swimming out and into the darkness. 

After that they left the beach behind and walked back up towards the clinic, Ana carrying the empty bucket and Harvey the lantern, their free hands were holding onto each other. They were quiet, trying not to disturb the sleeping village. It was a comfortable silence, content. But once they reached Harvey’s home, the energy around them shifted a little. What now?

“Do you want me to walk you home?”, he suggested awkwardly, trying to show her that he did not expect her to stay.  
“Do _you_ want to walk me home?”, she asked, eyebrows raised.  
“I want you to be comfortable”, he replied with a small smile.  
“I think your bed was pretty comfortable…”, Ana said and she eyed him innocently.  
“Yeah?”  
Harvey leaned in a little.  
“Yeah.”  
Ana moved and closed the gap between them, her lips on his once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they lived happily ever after  
> (jk, there's a little more to come and it's definitely not all fluff, i hope that's okay)  
> thank you for reading and for your kind comments!  
> i hope you enjoy


	20. The Kitchen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey stumbles upon a piece of Ana’s past

Being with Ana was very different from how Harvey had imagined it to be. He had been worried at first, that their age difference would make it hard for him to keep up with her and her energetic ways but it turned out that the farmer enjoyed relaxing nights in, quiet walks and coffee dates just as much as he did. 

They spent a lot of time together over the next couple of weeks and as the leaves started to change colour, ready to let go, the pair grew closer and closer with every late-night conversation, soft kiss and demanding touch.  
It didn’t take long for them to come up with a routine that worked in favour of their busy schedules. With summer gone, people were starting to get sick more frequently and Harvey had his work cut out for him at the clinic. Meanwhile Ana was in over her head on the farm. She had to take care of all the crops, her chickens, her new calves and had to prepare everything for the colder seasons, which took a lot out of her. So they usually only got to see each other at night, had dinner, spent some quality time together and then went to sleep.  
They spent most nights at the farm, it was more convenient for Ana since she had to get up a lot earlier than Harvey. And while she went out to feed the animals, he would make a nutritious breakfast that they enjoyed together, before he headed to the clinic. But Saturday nights they always spent at Harvey’s apartment and on Sunday mornings they headed out to grab breakfast at the Saloon. It was simple, but they were happy.

There was no need to tell anyone in Pelican Town about their relationship, word spread like wildfire within the first few days. Harvey received a lot of congratulations from people like Pierre, Evelyn, Marnie and Caroline. Some were in utter disbelief, like Maru.  
“She never told me she had a thing for you!”, she had said on her first day back at the clinic after the Dance of the Moonlight Jellies, her tone accusatory.  
Harvey, unsure of what to say, with his neck burning, had readjusted his glasses nervously as he had listened to her ranting about keeping secrets from friends but she calmed down eventually.  
“Well… I suppose some people are into the dorky type, huh”, she continued with a little smile on her lips.  
“Thank Yoba for that”, Harvey had grinned, making Maru laugh.  
“Take good care of her, okay? If you guys break up I’d be in a very uncomfortable situation, you know?”  
“Yes, Maru. I’ll try not to break up with her. We wouldn’t want _you_ to be in an uncomfortable situation now would we…”

Most of the villagers were quietly accepting the new couple with a few nods of encouragement sent their way. Harvey was however well enough accustomed to the village protocol to know that everyone was talking about the new couple behind their backs. But Ana didn’t seem to care about that at all. She held his hand, kissed and hugged him whenever they were out and about like none of the things anyone could say mattered. And after a little while her airiness convinced him not to think about this anymore. People would get bored of them eventually and they would move on to newer, hotter gossip. 

He enjoyed getting to know Ana and all her little quirks. Like the fact that she had her coffee with an unyobaly amount of sugar and cream or that her favourite colour was yellow but on some days it was blue. She showed him her collection of Winter Star tree ornaments that she had started when she was six and he liked listening to the tales of Token, her childhood pet guinea pig that had disappeared under mysterious circumstances. And while Harvey was sure that it had simply died of old age, he was very entertained by the many conspiracy theories concerning the disappearance that Ana had come up with over the years. He also learned quite quickly that the farmer was an awful singer. She couldn’t carry a tune for the life of her but Harvey loved hearing her sing regardless. Having her around made him feel so warm inside and while he still enjoyed to spend some time alone every now and again, nothing made his heart jump the way she did when they reunited after a long and exhausting day.

On another Saturday night, Ana showed up at his place a little later than usual.  
“I’m dead”, she said as she finally walked through the door and gave Harvey a little kiss.  
“Tough day?”, he asked sympathetically, helping her out of her dirty, red coat  
“I have a slug plague in my pumpkin patch”, Ana explained as she was taking off her boots, “They practically started munching overnight! I started collecting them in a bucket but there were just so many of them and they kept coming back!”

They walked into the kitchen. Harvey had been in the middle of preparing carrot soup when she arrived. He resumed peeling the vegetables and Ana positioned herself in front of the cutting board, starting to slice the onions.  
“So I decided to run down to Marnie’s and ask her for advice and she told me to just pour salt on them but… I can’t do that!”, Ana continued, “That’d be just cruel.”  
“So what’s the solution?”  
“Well supposedly there’s this tincture you can make and the smell of it drives them away. I needed a lot of red mushrooms for that though, so I spent pretty much all day in the forest to forage and then I had to make the tincture and spread it around the patch.”  
“Did it work?”, Harvey asked curiously as he handed her the peeled carrots.  
“I think so… But to be honest I didn’t have the patience to watch them long enough to find out”, she replied quietly, making him laugh.

Harvey told her about his day at the clinic, leaving out the details that were confidential, and even though he knew it wasn’t interesting at all, Ana managed to make him feel like he was telling an epic story. She finished the soup while he set the table and poured them both a glass of pale ale. He usually wasn’t too big a fan of ale but Ana had made it herself and it tasted really good, wasn’t too strong and the slight bitterness made it go well with the soup. 

As they sat down, Harvey watched Ana eat the first few spoons full of soup. Her relationship with food was something that he was slightly worried about. He had noticed before that she had lost a bit of weight since she had first moved to the Valley and she had admitted to not eating enough after she fainted in the early summer.  
When he had stayed at the farm for the first time he was shocked to find her fridge was almost completely empty. All she had was an apple, some milk, two eggs and a small piece of cheese. He had casually asked her what she was eating normally and she had told him that she sometimes made a smoothie in the morning and that that’d last her most of the day and at night she’d either have eggs or go out to grab something at the Saloon. He didn’t get into it further, Ana had a tendency to get a little defensive when it came to her lifestyle choices, he had learned that early on. But Harvey had heard enough to simply decided he would quietly make sure she was eating enough by providing her with a nice breakfast and dinner whenever they were together. And every time they shared a meal, the farmer dug in happily. She didn’t seem to refuse food so that was at least a slight relief. 

After dinner, Harvey washed the dishes and Ana dried them, all the while they were discussing what they wanted to watch later on. Once the kitchen was clean, she went to have a shower, her awful singing carrying through the bathroom door, the bedroom and into the living room where Harvey was sitting. He couldn’t help but smile. What Ana lacked in talent she made up for in enthusiasm, that much was certain. When she was done she came out to sit on the sofa with him, wearing the same shirt and pyjama pants of his that she had worn the night of the big storm.  
Since they couldn’t find anything they both wanted to watch, they had decided to spend the night reading. Ana had found the book Harvey was currently reading in her grandpa’s shed. It was about the early war and the machinery used in the battles, so for him this was a page turner. He couldn’t help but make little noises of excitement every now and again and even though she was definitely not interested, Ana always asked him what caused his enthusiasm and listened patiently as he explained it to her, probably very poorly. 

Meanwhile Ana read a detective story she had brought from home and just like him, she had struggles containing her emotions as she read.  
“ _I knew it_ ”, she would whisper throughout and “ _Oh no, no_ ”, or “ _Yoba, I did not see that coming_ ”.  
Harvey liked nights like this. The drizzle outside and Ana’s warmth next to him with her feet in his lap and one of her hands in one of his. He enjoyed the comfort that came with this relationship, everything felt familiar but exciting at the same time. 

After about an hour of reading, Ana suddenly closed her book. Harvey looked at her curiously.  
“I forgot to tell you with all the slug stuff going on! Mayor Lewis came by the farm this morning and he told me I was invited to have my own grange display at the fair! He said he wanted to give me the opportunity to show off my hard work”, she smiled at him and her eyes were full of excitement.  
“That’s wonderful, Ana! Congratulations!”, he said as he placed his bookmark between the pages, then put the book down, pulling her into his lap instead, “You’ll make first place no problem.”  
She laughed as she buried her face in his chest.  
“I doubt that”, she replied, her voice muffled, “But I’m still excited to show everyone what I’ve been working on.”  
“You could invite your family?”

The words had barely left his mouth and he already regretted them. Ana’s family was a very touchy subject, Harvey had no idea why. She was willing and eager to tell him about her older sister and best friend, Romi, or even about her grandfather. But if he asked her a question about her parents, she would become stiff and evasive, swiftly changing the subject of conversation, and that night was no different.  
“No”, she said, “No I don’t think so.”  
Harvey bit his tongue, trying not to ask her why. He found it very strange that Ana wasn’t willing to talk about her family in greater detail, especially now that they were in a relationship. He had no idea what her parents were called, didn’t know where they lived or how old they were. Ana knew everything there was to know about his parents so he couldn’t help but feel it was a bit unfair. But once he touched her back and felt just how tense she had become, he realised that he had no right to be pushy about it. Maybe someday she would be ready to talk about them... 

“What do you think you’ll be displaying?”, he asked instead and she relaxed immediately.  
“Well… I do want it to be seasonal so I thought about pumpkins and yams, maybe some cranberry jam…”  
They moved from the couch to the bed early that night to spend some time having whispered conversations and holding each other close, their naked bodies touching as they kissed goodnight. 

In the morning the went to have breakfast at the Saloon, as was tradition, and things seemed to be back on track after the tension of the night before. They shared some pancakes and drank coffee, even though with the sheer amount of cream and sugar Ana had poured into her cup, Harvey wasn’t sure if this still qualified as such. After breakfast she had to go to the farm to look after the animals and they kissed goodbye before she jumped on her bike and headed down the cobblestone path with one last wave. 

Harvey liked to use his Sundays to make sure everything administrative at the clinic was taken care of. He looked over the reports of the week, went through his emails and did the remaining bits of paperwork. On this particular Sunday however, he found he was done with work earlier than expected. He considered going upstairs to finally finish the model airplane he had been working on for a while but as he stared at the screen of his old computer, another idea made its way to the front of his brain, an idea that had been born the night before. 

Harvey opened the browser, watching the cursor hover over the search bar. He wasn’t sure if he should let curiosity get the best of him but he really wanted to know about Ana’s family. As an only child, his parents were two of the most important people in his life. They had only ever supported him in his studies and his career and even though they lived at the other end of Ferngill Republic, he made sure they stayed in touch by calling or sending letters. He told them about Ana within the first three weeks of their relationship and they were very eager to meet her.  
Harvey had always liked the idea of two families coming together, so Ana’s lack of enthusiasm when it came to her parents was a little disappointing. But he didn’t want to do anything she would consider a violation of her privacy either. If he looked up her family online, would that be disrespectful? 

He sighed. It would be. He moved the cursor to the little x, ready to close the browser again when another idea struck him. Ana was in touch with her sister, Harvey knew that. Talking about Romi never seemed to be an issue and she frequently shared stories about her older sister. Maybe he could get in touch with Romi and they could arrange for her to visit for the Stardew Valley Fair? This was a big deal after all. People would come from all over the Valley to experience the fair and only a handful of carefully selected individuals got to share their work in a grange display. Harvey thought it would be nice if Ana’s big sister got to be there for her big moment.

Without thinking he typed _Romi Beesburg_ into the search bar, then he hit enter. It took the old PC a few seconds before it showed the results and once it did, Harvey felt his heart sink. For a moment it felt as though everything stood still as he stared at the top result. It was from the official page of the Zuzu City University.

 **In memoriam of Romana (Romi) Beesburg**

That’s what it said, no matter how many times he read and reread it. He didn’t know what to think. Maybe this was a joke? The humour of university students was a little morbid, right? Or maybe this was a different Romi Beesburg? But Harvey knew that there was only one way to find out.  
He took a deep breath as he clicked on those nonsensical, blue letters.

The first thing on the page was the picture of a young woman and for a short second Harvey thought this was a photo of Ana. Romi had the same bright grey eyes and jet-black hair as her. Her face was heart-shaped too but decidedly rounder and fuller than her little sister’s. Her cheeks were flushed and her skin pale and as she smiled into the camera, she revealed one single deep dimple in her cheek. She looked so much like Ana, if he hadn’t spent the past few weeks studying every inch of her face, he would have believed they were twins. 

He scrolled down, preparing to read whatever was hidden below this lively picture. And once more, he felt his heart grow heavy.

**In memoriam of Romana (Romi) Beesburg**

_Romi was intelligent and beautiful. She was studying at the University of Zuzu City to become a doctor, hoping she could practice abroad to help the less fortunate. She worked hard and tirelessly for her dreams, oftentimes spending entire days and nights in the library, working on a paper or doing research. But nothing was ever as important to her as her family or her friends. There was nothing that she wouldn’t have done for those she loved. Never have I met a kinder soul, a soul more deserving of a happy ending.  
Fate, in its endless cruelty, has torn her from us far too soon. She has left a gaping hole behind in the lives of those who knew her and she will be missed today and every day.  
Rest in Peace, Romi  
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family_

No. No, this could not be true. Harvey shook his head in disbelief. Romi was alive, there was no way she wasn’t. Ana told him she emailed her sister regularly, she talked about her like she talked about Maru or Leah or Emily. She talked about her like he talked about his parents or friends from the city, people who were very much alive! This had to be a joke, a sick, morbid and disgusting joke.  
In a panic Harvey searched the page for a date of release. He scrolled a bit further down and instead found a collection of pictures of Romi. 

One picture of her with friends in a pub. She had a full face, her hair was in a neat bun and she smiled so brightly her eyes were almost closed. Someone gave her bunny ears with their index and middle finger.  
He scrolled down and down and down. A picture that showed her proudly holding up a thesis. A picture of her standing in front of the Zuzu Tower, the town’s landmark, her arms around two friends. A picture of her in a yellow Junimo costume, she was clearly drunk and he could see she was surrounded by Spirit’s Eve decorations. She held a yellow Junimo plushie in her arms that reminded Harvey an awful lot of the one Ana had held onto when she stayed the night at the clinic.  
There was a picture of Romi in a lab coat and she held a scalpel in her hand, smiling this hauntingly bright smile that reminded him so much of her little sister. 

He reached the last picture, a picture of her high school graduation. On her right was a short, plump woman with jet-black hair that was tied into a neat bun. The woman’s hand was placed on Romi’s shoulder and she smiled just as brightly as her daughter. Next to the woman was an equally plump but much taller man with a receding hairline and a proud grin that revealed a small gap between his front teeth and a single deep dimple in his cheek. He had bright grey eyes, just like Romi and the young girl standing to her right. His heart skipped a beat when he realised this was Ana smiling back at him.  
Ana was about forty pounds heavier in this picture than she was now, she had been just as plump as the rest of her family, but it wasn’t the way she looked that confused Harvey the most, it was her smile. He couldn’t help but feel that this smile was a little brighter and a little more genuine than any bit of happiness he had seen her display so far. And that’s when he lost the last bit of hope that he had left and the cold, harsh reality caught up to him. 

Romi was gone.

But how? How was this possible? Had she been sick? Suicidal? Confused, Harvey went back to the page of search results and it became quite clear what had happened immediately. The second result after her in-memoriam was a news article.

**Drunk driver causes car crash, killing 19-year-old and himself**

_The fatal crash occurred near a suburb of Zuzu City just after midnight on Saturday.  
Designated driver Romana B. (19) and her sister Analisa B. (17) were driving their parents’ car and were about to leave the freeway when Cameron S. (32) lost control over his van, causing the two vehicles to collide.  
Cameron S., who at the time of the accident had a blood alcohol percentage of 1.38, died at the scene. The two sisters were taken to Zuzu City General Hospital where Romana B. passed away shortly after. Analisa B., although injured, is expected to make a full recovery. The family refused to comment and asks for privacy._

Harvey closed the browser and shut down the computer. Then he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, trying to steady his breath. Of course. That was the accident Ana was in when she was seventeen, the last entry in her medical history for eight years. Her sister took her last breath in the emergency room, no wonder Ana was terrified of hospitals!  
He stopped rubbing his eyes and tore at his hair instead, staring at the black screen of the PC. It all made sense. Her desire to busy herself to a point where she collapsed, the insomnia she had played down for months, the many nightmares he had to wake her from and her trying so hard to avoid her parents to the extent that she even refused to talk about them. Ana was traumatised.

Ana was traumatised and she probably never got any proper help. He had worked at the Zuzu City General Hospital and he knew that most doctors there didn’t care what happened to their patients after they stitched them back together. Wasn’t this the main reason why he wanted to come to Pelican Town? Ana told people her sister was alive because nobody helped her come to terms with her death! She was left alone with this burden on her shoulders, a burden too heavy for anyone to carry on their own. Harvey felt angry. Angrier than he had ever felt before. 

He got up, paced up and down in the examination room, tearing at his hair still. What could he possibly do now? If he were to tell her that he knew, odds were that Ana would shut down completely. She had evaded this conversation for too long, had probably lived with fear, shame and guilt for years. Most likely, she had taken all the bricks that this cruel memory was made out of and rearranged them to turn it into something it was not. She probably blamed herself for what had happened, which would explain why she didn’t take proper care of herself. It was impossible to know what monsters she has been growing in her mind over the past eight years so if Harvey were to mention the accident, she would probably have an outburst, maybe even hurt herself. No. This was a very explosive situation. And no matter how he twisted and turned it, there was really not much left for him to do at this point. Ana needed the help of a professional but he couldn’t force that on her. All he could do was be there for her. Give her a feeling of safety, of normality and be ready to listen to her should she ever choose to share her past with him.

Harvey jumped when the phone on his desk rang. He cleared his throat, tried to steady his breath as he picked up.  
“Pelican Town Clinic, Doctor Harvey speaking”, he said, his voice shaky.  
“Hello Doctor. I thought we had arranged for you to make a house call?”  
Ana’s amused voice rang in his ears as he searched for words.  
“Yes… Of course! I’m sorry, Ana. I got caught up in… something. I’ll be over in a minute.”  
“You don’t have to come over if you don’t feel like it… Or if you’re too busy.”  
“No. No, don’t worry. I want to come over. I want to be with you.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yes”, Harvey said, his voice steadier now, “I’m sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about that


	21. The Stardew Valley Fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana is tired

to: romibb@zumail.fr  
from: anabb@zumail.fr  
object: I’m tired

Hey Romi…

Today was the day of the Stardew Valley Fair and well… it went fairly well (pun intended).   
I woke up early, fed the animals and gave Cow some belly rubs before I started packing everything up. It was a nice autumn morning, the air was cold but crisp and clean because of the night’s rain. I always liked the colder seasons better, they feel kinder somehow, more gentle and welcoming. We never got to see the Valley like this and while I’m excited to be here and experience it, there’s some gloomy feeling I can’t seem to shake…

Mayor Lewis was kind enough to pick me up with his truck so I didn’t have to carry all my goods for the grange display all the way into Pelican Town. On the way there he told me about grandpa’s first experience at the Stardew Valley Fair. He brought a lot of produce and decided to give samples to everyone who passed by so that by the time the judges took a look at his display, more than half of what he brought had been eaten. He ended up in last place but because the people who got to taste his products were so impressed, his business boomed from then on out.   
I was really nervous about the Fair, it’s a big deal here in the Valley and I feel like I have to fill grandpa’s shoes and they’re big, heavy boots. But hearing about his little faux pas at his first Fair made me feel a lot calmer. 

We arrived very early. People were just getting ready to set everything up and I was lucky enough to have my grange display right next to Marnie’s. She told me that this was her fifteenth Fair and that she’d won first place five times by now, which is very impressive. I asked her for some advice and she was even nice enough to help me find a way to arrange the goods that I brought so that my display ended up looking really inviting and colourful. I’ve brought a few eggs, some cranberry jam, the biggest pumpkin I could find in the patch, a bouquet of sunflowers and amaranth and fairy roses, some of my cherry wine, a few mushrooms, pale ale and pickled corn. My display wasn’t as full as Pierre’s and my goods weren’t as big or as versatile as Marnie’s but I was still feeling proud when I looked at it. I put a lot of effort into making the labels and picking out the best I had to offer. 

Harvey came out of the clinic with a thermos full of coffee and a bagel. He’s really sweet and supportive but I can’t help feeling like something has shifted between us. Lately he’s been acting a bit… off and I hate to say this but it reminds me a lot of Anthony. He’s always asking what I’ve eaten and how much of it which is fine in and of itself, I suppose, but whenever he deems I haven’t had enough food, he starts lecturing me. It’s the same with the hours of sleep I got and the amount of water I’ve had. He also tells me I’m working too hard and that I should take it easy every now and again. And I get it, he means well and as a doctor I guess this overly caring side is a part of him but sometimes the way he talks to me makes me feel like a child. Like he thinks I can’t handle myself.

I know this sounds awful, I’m complaining about my caring partner but that’s not it. I just keep remembering Anthony telling me that I can’t take proper care of myself without him around and I’m starting to think that maybe he was right? And I don’t know if this is all in my head or if there’s something to it. Am I insecure or am I really as lost as they make me out to be? I’m confused.

I think I’m losing my balance again, like I did back in Zuzu City. I came to the Valley to become the best version of myself I can be, gave up my apartment and with it, the life I’ve lived for eight years. I wanted to get away from the void that has formed inside of me but it feels like it’s catching up. The nightmares are back and sometimes when I look in the mirror I see nothing. I don’t mean to worry you, I’m sorry. I guess they’re right, huh? Maybe I can’t take care of myself. Or maybe I need some more sleep and a glass of water. 

Harvey’s asleep in the other room. He’s usually there to wake me from the nightmares but he had a very exhausting day at the clinic so he’s dead asleep. I can hear him breathe, so steady and calm. He makes me feel so good when I’m around him and I want him to feel like this too when he’s around me but how am I supposed to do that when he thinks I can’t look after myself? When I can’t look after myself?

I should probably go back to sleep. Cuddle up to him, be grateful he’s here and go back to sleep. Go back to sleep. 

Remember the lullaby mom used to sing for us? I can’t recall the words anymore. It was about baby mice going to sleep. They were sleeping in flowers, using the dew to wash their little faces and the petals as blankets and the leaves as pillows. We pretended to be mice, making little squeaking noises while she was singing and then she’d kiss us four times. Once on the left, once on the right cheek, once on the nose and once on the forehead and she smelled like vanilla and almonds and warmth and love. 

I should go to sleep.

But I wanted to tell you about the Fair, that’s why I started writing this email. I’m sorry, I got so distracted. I made third place in the Stardew Valley Fair. I was right behind Marnie and Pierre. Mayor Lewis told me I should be proud. But I’m just confused and tired. I’m so tired, Romi. 

I’m tired.

Good night,  
Ana


	22. The Farmhouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey is tired too

The gravel was crunching under Harvey’s feet as he walked down the dirt path towards Beesburg Farm. It was a Tuesday evening and even though he had a morning full of appointments the next day, he wanted to go spend the night with Ana. He’s been very worried about her, not only because he found out what had happened to her sister, but because since the day of the Fair he noticed her growing a little distant. And seemingly he wasn’t the only one. He had talked to Maru just that morning and she told him that Ana seemed a little distracted. She lost track of conversations, appeared anxious or even angry one day and then was back to her happy, bubbly self the next.  
“Like she couldn’t make up her mind”, Maru had said and Harvey didn’t know how to respond. Because he knew she was hardly in control over that. But Maru didn’t seem mad, just confused and worried because she had no way of understanding and thus no way of helping. And Harvey was well aware of how that felt. It felt awful.

It was only six when he arrived at the farm and the sun was setting behind the thick walls of fog and clouds, tinting the world icy. Autumn had shifted from golden and bright to grey and cold, the continuous rainfalls have taken away the shine of the colourful leaves. Winter was about to arrive. 

The farmhouse was dark, no lights were on and Harvey was immediately alarmed. This was out of the ordinary. Where was Ana if she wasn’t home?  
He hurried across the lawn and towards the steps of the porch but he stopped dead in his tracks when he heard a little noise, pathetic, anxious, scared. It was Cow. Harvey saw him sitting beyond the orchard by the pondside and next to him was Ana. Her back turned to him, she stood as still as the scarecrow that was watching over the vegetable patch. He felt a sinking sensation in his stomach as he realised he had no idea how to handle whatever he just walked into. 

He watched for a moment, saw Cow nudging Ana’s hand with his big snout, trying to get her attention but she stood still, staring in the direction of the forest. Harvey took a deep breath and started walking towards her.  
“Ana?”, he said calmly but with a firm undertone as he walked closer, “Ana, what are you doing out here?”  
Cow was walking towards him, his long tail wagging wildly, before he took a few steps back towards Ana, seemingly unsure of what to do.  
“Ana?”, Harvey repeated.  
He was now only two feet away from her, slowly reaching out when Cow barked loudly. The noise tore through the silence of the farmland like a hot knife. Ana winced violently then she turned her head to look at her dog, mumbling something Harvey couldn’t make out.  
“Ana?”, he tried again and finally she spun around.  
“Shit”, she said with a weak smile, “You scared me.”  
“Did you not hear me come down here? I called out multiple times”, Harvey responded, trying to assess the situation.  
“I guess I didn’t”, Ana replied with furrowed brows.  
“What are you doing out here anyways? You’re not even wearing a jacket!”  
“I was out to lock in the chickens and the cows when I thought I saw something move just behind the trees”, Ana explained with a shrug and a little smile, “Probably just an animal. Doesn’t matter. Let’s go have dinner! I’m starving.”

As they walked back up to the farmhouse, Ana grabbed Harvey’s hand. Her fingers were ice cold. That and the fact that there were no lights on in the farmhouse made him wonder just how long she had been standing out there or what she’s seen in the forest. He knew that it wasn’t uncommon for traumatised people to see things that weren’t there but the fact that Ana was seeing things at all made him feel a little sick. 

Back at university, Harvey had visited a few psychology seminars and lectures so he wasn’t unfamiliar with the problem at hand, his knowledge was, however, limited to the basics. So he spent a lot of time reading up on emotional trauma, trying to understand what his partner was going through.  
She seemed fine when she arrived in the Valley. More than fine, really. Harvey couldn’t count the amount of times he had envied her for her outgoing and happy personality. But he reminded himself that Ana had eight years of learning to hide her distress, eight years to create this bubbly persona, this mask of a sort that helped her suppress the person she used to be. And when she was alone, she threw herself into her work here on the farm, her brain desperately trying to protect itself from itself. She was doing her best to cope, but she did it in all the wrong ways. Avoidance, depersonalisation and self-destructive behaviour. This had been going on for years, Harvey was sure of it, but she was getting worse. He assumed that something in the Valley had triggered her and now she didn’t know which coping mechanism to apply at what times. Maybe he was eager to find clues but sometimes he felt as though he could see her inner battle reflected in her eyes. Those bright grey eyes, the same eyes her sister had. 

“Would you like some of the leftovers from last night? Or do you want to cook up something different?”  
Ana was standing in front of her open fridge, that Harvey kept stocked for her, she was biting her nails as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other.  
“I’m good with leftovers if there’s enough for the both of us.”  
“Leftovers it is”, she said and grabbed the plastic box full of last night’s ravioli.  
He watched her as she poured the contents on two plates and popped one of them into the microwave.  
“So how was your day?”, she asked once the microwave was running, leaning against the counter.  
“It was good”, he replied lamely, “The usual, you know?”  
“I feel like I was right there with you”, Ana said, playfully rolling her eyes.

He didn’t know what to say. Since he found out about what had happened, something has changed. It wasn’t his feelings for her, that much he was certain of. He felt very drawn to her, felt himself falling for her still. He was absolutely unwilling to ever let her go again but lately he asked himself if maybe he should. If the Ana he had gotten to know over the past months was a persona she had created to cover up her trauma, how could he be sure that she really wanted to be with him. Her sister was studying to be a doctor, a strange parallel or maybe just coincidence. He wasn’t particularly interesting or strong or attractive, he was just a guy. But maybe he was just trying to accommodate his insecurities again.  
Everything was so confusing and conflicting and tiring. This was not how he imagined the first two months of this relationship to go. It felt a bit unfair, like someone had snatched the rose-coloured glasses right off of his face, hitting him with a bucket full of ice cold, harsh reality. He knew it wasn’t okay to blame Ana, she was the real victim in this situation but sometimes he couldn’t help himself. 

Right now she was standing there, her fingers tapping on the counter as she tried to have a playful conversation with him after she’d just given him a serious scare without even noticing it, seemingly not a single doubt about this being a nice night in on her mind. He was starting to feel some agitation, followed immediately by a massive wave of guilt. Ana wasn’t blissfully unaware, her brain was programmed to act like this in an attempt to survive. Because that’s what the brain does, that’s its purpose. Survival. 

“Are you okay?”, Ana asked him and Harvey looked at her with a weak smile.  
“Of course”, he replied and walked up to her, placing his hands on her waist and leaning down to plant a little kiss on her forehead, “I’m just a little tired, I’m sorry. It’s been a busy day and I have another busy day ahead of me.”  
“That’s okay”, Ana smiled up at him as the microwave started beeping, “We’ll have a cosy night so you can go back to work relaxed and refreshed.”

Another wave of shame rushed over Harvey as he mirrored Ana’s smile. He pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head, breathing in the smell of flowers that always surrounded her. Standing in her yellow kitchen, holding her close like this, for a few moments he managed not to think about what was looming over this little farmhouse, managed not to think about motives or misguided brains or dead sisters or lost hope. 

They had dinner, two steaming plates of ravioli and the little painted sun between them, chatting the night away. Cow was sitting next to them, his head almost but not quite placed on the table, looking at them with his big, sad puppy eyes, acting like he’s never eaten in his life even though he had a full bowl of food waiting for him on the other end of the kitchen.  
They did the dishes and then got ready for bed. It was only a little past nine but they usually talked for another hour or more before they even considered saying good night. 

“So what are you going to dress up as for the Spirit’s Eve Party?”, Ana asked as they cuddled up in bed.  
Spirit’s Eve was yet another festival here in Pelican Town and it was set to take place in a week. Harvey never liked this tradition. People dressed up as gory or cute characters, had too much to drink and ate a lot of candy. But that’s not why he disliked it, he disliked it because the goal of Spirit’s Eve was to scare the ever-living hell out of anyone and anything that crossed one’s path. Traditionally this was done to chase away evil spirits before they could move into people’s homes for the winter but over time it had become some kind of sport here in the Valley. And Harvey, being faint of heart to begin with, never enjoyed a good jump scare.  
“I don’t usually dress up”, he replied.  
“Aw, why not?”  
“I don’t see the point in it.”  
“Well… yeah, because there is no point other than the fact that it’s a ton of fun”, Ana laughed.  
“I don’t know about that”, he said, smiling a little into her soft skin.  
“You could just throw on your stethoscope and say you’re a doctor.”  
“I don’t need to put my stethoscope on for that, I _am_ a doctor.”  
Ana turned her head a little so she could look into his eyes.  
“People are supposed to recognise what you are though.”  
“Ana, I’m pretty sure everybody here in Pelican Town knows I’m a doctor.”  
“You have raised a fair point, sir”, she chuckled, “Alright, alright. You’re off the hook for that one. But I’ve still got you signed up for next year’s egg hunt.”  
“Spare me”, he sighed, making her laugh.

It was eleven when they finally turned off the light, their pyjamas got lost somewhere along the way. He pulled her closer and kissed her neck, tickling her a little with his moustache, making her laugh like he did every night.  
Sleep came fast. He did have a fairly busy day and lately he’s been exhausted without even trying. It was a nice darkness, Ana’s body close to his, comforting and calming. He wished it could last but of course it didn’t.

A little past midnight, she started twitching. Harvey was barely conscious enough to notice it at all. He pulled her closer, then returned to the comforting darkness. But only for a little while. He finally woke up when she started gasping for air, her body tense, twitching and little moans of agony escaping her. It was a routine by now. He sat up slightly, turned on the light and then pulled her into his arms, one hand carefully cupping her face, he said her name firmly and loudly, over and over until she finally opened her eyes. She looked at him in blank horror, her fingernails dug into his arms, beads of sweat on her forehead.  
“Just a nightmare”, he murmured and repeated this until her breathing became steadier and she relaxed a little, “Just another nightmare.”  
“I’m sorry. I don’t know why…”, she said, her voice so hoarse it was barely a whisper.  
“It’s okay”, he replied, “You’re stressed, that’s why.”  
Harvey knew this was a lie but Ana nodded and then buried her face in his chest. This was also a part of the routine. He held her close, rubbing her back until her breathing was slow and rhythmical and she was asleep again. 

This wouldn’t last long though. She had gotten into the habit of leaving the bed in the middle of the night. On some mornings Harvey woke up at six to the sound of her alarm just to find that Ana had been up and working for three hours.  
“I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep”, she would say.  
“You should have woken me”, he would say.  
“No you’re so peaceful when you’re asleep, I could never wake you up in the middle of the night just because _I_ can’t sleep.”, she would reply and then that would be it. 

He turned the light off and went back to sleep. The comfort returned and he let the waves of sleep carry him away. He noticed when she got up. It was still dark in the room, he guessed it was around four. He didn’t say anything though, he was too tired. Too tired of having the same conversation over and over without ever getting anywhere. Too tired to open his eyes. Too tired to think even. Just too tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading  
> this chapter was particularly difficult to write because i myself am very close to someone with severe mental illnesses and it's not easy to admit that somtimes it's just fucking hard to stick around and be strong for them. it's always worth it though. every bad day and difficult conversation, late night phone call and fight is worth it.  
> love, am i right


	23. Spirit's Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana and Harvey come crashing down on each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double update tonight because i say so

It was a strange night. Rain was falling, forming little puddles on the cobblestone, the wind was biting skin with icy teeth. Strange creatures were roaming Pelican Town. Ghosts and ghouls, heroes and villains. Laughter and screams filled the cold night as people celebrated Spirit’s Eve. A sweet smell lingered in the air, sugar and cider and burning wood. 

Ana was drunk. They had started drinking early on in the day while they were setting up the scary labyrinth in the park that was supposed to attract tourists. Her eyelids were heavy, she had deep circles under her eyes that seemed to have lost all of their spark. He’s never seen her like this and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like anything about this night. Not the way the rain hit his face, not the screams, not the decorative lanterns and especially not the way she lulled when she said his name. He wanted to go home, this was tiring but Ana wanted to stay. She had another cider with Emily while Harvey talked to Demetrius and then she had another cider with Leah while he was awkwardly standing next to them. Leah made some weirdly sexual jokes and the way Ana laughed made him think this wasn’t his girlfriend standing next to him. Too high-pitched, too loud. Ana’s laugh was nicer than this, just a little rougher, a little more inviting. And while he was thinking about that, Maru joined them, bringing more alcohol with her. 

Everyone was in costumes. Ana was dressed like a scarecrow and Harvey thought about how she was standing beyond the orchard, staring into the forest without moving. Her makeup was smudged and her eyes were glassy and he recognised nothing about her that night and he hated that. He hated not knowing her. 

While she was drinking too fast, he looked up towards the sky, watching as the rain speckled his glasses. There was something about this night that felt dooming. Some nights felt like this but he kept telling himself he was just being anxious. Anxious because he wasn’t familiar with this Ana that was standing next to him. 

When the group finally split up Ana turned and leaned into him. He could smell the alcohol that clung to her skin as she pressed her lips against his. But even this felt unfamiliar, less intimate than normal.  
“Are you alright?”, he asked carefully.  
“Yeah, just a little tipsy”, she replied but the way she dragged those words out revealed what he already knew.  
She was wasted, far gone from her normal self. An interesting thought, considering the fact that Harvey wasn’t sure what exactly Ana’s normal self looked like. 

It was way after midnight, most people had already gone home when Harvey stood behind some bushes with Ana. She was bent over, throwing up. He held her shoulders firmly as he looked at the clear puddle of vomit. She hadn’t eaten, no wonder she was so out of it and no wonder her body was struggling so hard to get everything back up. When she finally stopped heaving, he helped her stand straight. She was shaking, leaning against him in exhaustion.  
“Come on, you need to sit down. I’ll get you some water”, Harvey said, leading her to a bench near the bushes.  
He went to the bar. Gus had already started packing up the bottles and cups.  
“May I bother?”, Harvey announced himself as he came to a halt in front of the bar.  
“I was about to close up but one last drink shouldn’t be a problem! What can I get you, Doctor?”, Gus smiled.  
“Just some water, please.”

With the plastic cup full of cool water, Harvey returned. Ana was sitting with her head between her knees, looking like a limp doll. His heart stung, seeing her like this.  
“Hey”, he said quietly, “You alright?”  
Ana lifted her head and gave him a small smile.  
“Just a little drunk”, she replied in a hoarse whisper.  
“I can tell. Here, have some water, that’ll help make you feel better.”  
Harvey sat down next to her, giving her the cup. Ana took some small sips with seemingly great effort. Then she sat with her elbows on her knees, half-heartedly holding herself up with the cup loosely held in one hand. He didn’t know what to say, had no words lined up that wanted to leave his mouth, not thoughts racing through his mind. Instead he was sitting, feeling the rain on his skin and waiting for her to speak. There was something in the air that let him know whatever she was going to say next would be of importance so he gave her the time to figure out what it was she needed to share. 

“Are you happy, Harvey?”, she asked finally.  
“What do you mean?”  
“I don’t know if I’m happy. I don’t know if I can be happy.”  
She said this in such a casual tone it shocked Harvey to his core, making his heart sink like a stone.  
“Are you not happy with me?”, was the only thing he was able to say.  
“That’s not it”, she sighed almost sounding exasperated, “You don’t understand…”  
“Please explain. I’d love to understand”, Harvey replied and swallowed hard.  
He didn’t know if he really wanted to understand or if he preferred to stay unenlightened. 

“I’m not allowed to be happy”, she explained, her voice sounded dry, almost like her throat hurt.  
“What do you mean by that?”  
Harvey asked this even though he believed he knew the answer already. Ana shifted her body a little, staring into the half-empty cup of water in her hand, moving it, making the water swirl as though it was wine.  
“I’m just… not allowed… I… I can’t be happy. Because… I don’t know. Just because”, she said and sighed, placing her free hand over her eyes in exhaustion or desperation and Harvey wished she didn’t do that so he could still see her face.  
A sudden wave of bravery hit him at the sight of her pain. 

“Ana… maybe you should go see someone, someone who can help you with those thoughts?”, he suggested tentatively.  
“What do you mean?”, she asked and removed her hand to look at him warily.  
“Maybe you should consider going to therapy?”, he said again, losing his confidence when he noticed her irritation.  
Ana snorted.  
“Of course”, she huffed.  
“Of course?”, Harvey asked carefully.  
“Of course you feel the need to play doctor again”, she replied and Harvey couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows.

“What do you mean?”  
“Well, I wanted to talk to my _boyfriend_ Harvey, not _Doctor_ Harvey. But you do what you always do when things get a little more serious, you hide behind your title and your stethoscope and your stupid reports”, Ana said, sounding like she was already tired of this conversation.  
Harvey opened his mouth to say something but realised he didn’t know what to say. He swallowed, then cleared his throat as he readjusted his glasses.  
“Ana… I…”  
“Forget it, Harvey. Forget I said anything.”  
“No, I won’t! Clearly this is something you’ve been thinking about so please, talk to me!”  
“I don’t want to fight.”  
“We’re not fighting.”

Ana looked at him carefully, like she tried to read his face so Harvey did his best to hide that he was hurt by her words. Instead he attempted to look calm and composed.  
“You… ugh, I don’t know. You’ve been acting weird lately is all”, she muttered and took another sip from her water.  
“Weird?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Weird how?”  
“I don’t know. It’s like every conversation we have turns into a consultation. You ask me how much food and water and sleep I’ve had and then you tell me what to do differently and it’s… it’s a little… I don’t know… belittling?”, she explained, lifting her hand to her face while she talked, then she started biting down on her thumb. 

Harvey shook his head in confusion. Her words made no sense to him.  
“I’m worried about you, Ana. How is that belittling?”, he asked, growing a little impatient himself.  
“Well you make it seem like I can’t take care of myself, like I’m a child. But I’m not a child, I’m your girlfriend, Harvey! I’m your partner!”, she huffed, clearly not happy about his new tone.  
“I’m _just_ worried about you Ana”, he tried to explain once more, forcing himself to speak steadily, “And I’m not doubting that you can take care of yourself but you have to admit that you haven’t exactly been doing a good job at that lately.”  
“Aha?”, she asked, sounding very agitated now.  
“Look at yourself!”, he said, raising his arm to point at her, “You’re drunk and tired and you haven’t eaten. All you spilled in the bushes earlier was clear and acidic! You don’t sleep properly and…”  
“You’re doing it again!”, she exclaimed and pointed right back at him, “Harvey, I’m not a fucking child!”  
“But you’re acting like one!”, Harvey said, finally dry of all patience.  
“Oh am I?”, Ana replied, her voice raised, clearly offended.  
“Yes! Look at you, lashing out at me like that! I’m only trying to help!”  
“No, I don’t think that’s it. I think you enjoy the superiority that comes with your profession! You’ve been looking for mistakes in everything that I do!”, she almost shouted at this point, sobering Harvey from his anger quickly.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down enough so he could handle this situation without causing a scene.  
“That’s not true, Ana. Please don’t say that”, he finally replied in a controlled voice.  
“Yes it is! It’s true! And all of that is just your attempt at covering up your own insecurities!”  
“Ana, calm down”, he said firmly.  
“No, I’m mad now! I’m mad! And you should be too! You should be mad!”, she hissed.  
“I’m not mad”, he replied as calmly as possible.  
“Yes, because you also enjoy moral superiority, don’t you? But there’s no actual superiority, you’re just hiding your true self and thoughts and wishes and you’re constantly looking for excuses not to let me or anyone get any closer.”  
“What are you talking about?”, Harvey said, looking at her in confusion.  
“The way you treated me all throughout spring and summer. And now that you finally let your guard down a little, you feel too vulnerable and you’re acting like my bad habits are something you need to fix before you can relax around me.”  
“No, Ana. That’s not…”, he started but she didn’t let him finish.  
“Yes it is! Don’t you think I’ve noticed how unavailable you’ve become since we got together?”  
“I’m not unavailable, _you_ are!”, he retorted, making her laugh sarcastically.  
“That’s not true! I’ve been trying to…”, she tried but he couldn’t help himself interrupting her.

“Yes it is true! It is, Ana! And that’s why I think you should go see a therapist!”, he said, his voice raised to match hers.  
“What, because I don’t sleep eight hours like you do? Or because I skip meals sometimes?”  
“No, those are side effects of the actual problem! Like most of your behaviour lately”, he said, moving his arms in an exhausted gesture.  
“And what it the problem then, Doctor? Have you diagnosed me yet?”, she asked with a nasty, sarcastic undertone.  
“Your sister is dead, Ana. That’s the fucking problem!”

The words were out.  
He sucked air in sharply, feverishly trying to find a way to undo this but failing. Ana’s body language changed immediately. She sat up straight, looking at him in shock, her mouth was opening and closing like she tried to remember how to breathe. 

“Fuck… Listen, I’m sorry. I found out accidentally. I didn’t want to say anything unless you told me yourself”, he tried to explain.  
Ana’s eyes narrowed, for a moment he thought she was about to respond but then she shook her head, let out one small, hysteric laugh.  
“I don’t believe this”, she whispered to herself as she got up.  
She walked away, pouring the rest of the water from the cup into the bushes. 

“Ana! Please stay”, Harvey said as he got to his feet also.  
“No… I… home”, she whispered, still in disbelief.  
“Let me walk you home, please”, he said as he caught up with her.  
“No”, she said quietly and Harvey noticed a single tear running down her cheek.  
“Ana…”  
“I said no! Leave me alone!”, she shouted.  
They both stopped moving. Harvey was shocked, he had never heard her yell like this. But he didn’t want to part this way tonight.  
“Please…”, he tried again.  
“Leave me alone!”  
Her voice was quieter this time around but every word was sharply pronounced so that Harvey couldn’t help but swallow and nod. She gave him one last furious look before she turned around and hurried away. 

He watched her as she ran down the cobblestone path and towards the farm. He watched until she disappeared in the darkness and then he watched a little longer, hoping she would come back but she didn’t. Finally he decided to walk home himself. Slowly, every step a chore. 

This night felt big somehow. Like it might mark the end of something that could have been great.


	24. The Passenger Seat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana messages her sister

to: romibb@zumail.fr  
from: anabb@zumail.fr  
object: I’m sorry 

Do you remember the time you had to pick me up from a party? I was so far gone, I couldn’t stand up straight and I don’t recall much of it.  
There was so much broken glass. Broken glass scattered on the street, pools of blood forming. I remember the smell of gasoline and burnt rubber. You were screaming, I remember that. You were screaming and then you weren’t anymore. And I thought that was good because now I could listen to the radio that was still playing somehow. I thought it was good that you stopped screaming but it wasn’t. Who would have thought that your screaming would be the last thing I would ever hear from you? I’m sorry I ever wanted you to shut up.

The next thing I heard was mom’s whaling, somewhere between bright lights and rubber gloves she was whaling. I don’t know if I knew but I think I might have. Or maybe I had no clue. I tasted blood in my mouth and they were talking to me but I couldn’t see their faces because mom was screaming. Dad wasn’t. He was quiet. Maybe he wasn’t there at all, I don’t remember. I couldn’t see them because it was too loud. Someone held my hand and it hurt. Everything hurt. I threw up. Spilled my lung and my heart and my tongue and my liver, all into the kidney basin or someone’s hand. I couldn’t see. I thought that it was that easy. I thought I could just spit up my lung and my heart and my tongue and my liver and then it would be over. But I heard the blood rushing in my ears and mom whaling and the people talking and I didn’t taste blood anymore, I tasted acid. 

Do you know the feeling when you have a nightmare and it feels like an eternity while you’re asleep but once you wake up it seems as though it only lasted a few seconds? That’s what it felt like, the first six months after I got out of the hospital and you didn’t.  
Mom only cried and slept and cried and slept. Dad only cried, never slept. His hair turned grey and his eyes sunk into his face and he was the body of a drowned person that was still alive somehow. All the colours were off, they were too bright. Nothing felt right, not the warmth of the floor where the sun was shining on it through the window, not the wind in my hair, not the words that left my mouth, not the noise of the fridge, not the ticking of the clock or the scraping of pen on paper, not the smell of the flowers, not the air in my lungs. Everything was wrong because you were gone.

Our room was too big all of a sudden. Dad packed up all your stuff in one night. He came in with boxes and filled them with you while I was lying in bed. Mom tried to stop him but she couldn’t because she cried so hard she was shaking. She left the apartment that night and didn’t come back until two weeks later. They didn’t look at me the same. They hated me, I know it. It should have been me. I should have died. I deserved it. It was my fault we were out. It was all my fault. 

I was hardly ever home, I couldn’t take their resentment. It was too much. I was running around town, trying to find you because certainly you weren’t gone. You had to be around somewhere. I went to the Zuzu City Zoo, into the aquarium and I was looking for the Moonlight Jellies because I knew that that’s where I would find you. But they don’t have Moonlight Jellies at the Zuzu City Zoo and you weren’t there.  
I looked for you at your favourite café, the one that serves peppermint latte all year around but you weren’t there. I looked for you at the library because maybe you were preparing for your next exam but you weren’t there. I looked for you in the park next to the apartment we used to live in when we were kids but you weren’t there. You were nowhere. Not in our favourite pub, not by our favourite ice cream stand, not even in our favourite bookshop. And I got mad at you because you left without telling me where you’ve gone and you left me alone and you left me alone with myself. 

And I know it’s my fault you left but I’m still mad at you because you should have stayed. For months I woke up with my chest on fire and I wanted to rip out my heart and go wherever you went because this was hell. This is still hell. Every day without you is hell and every night without you is hell and I’ve been washing my hands for years and years and your blood still sticks to them. Red and hot and pooling on the wet concrete of the freeway with shards of glass shimmering in the red and blue light.

I’m sorry I killed you. 

I didn’t mean for this to happen.

I thought I finally found you when I came out here to live on the farm, thought I saw you chasing frogs in the undergrowth, swinging on that damned tire swing, thought I saw you swimming in the pond, playing by the tidal pools or trying to reach the cherries in the orchard. But all along all I’ve seen was the shadow of what we used to be. What we’ll never be again and I know it makes no sense but I don’t want to let go. I’m not ready to let go and I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to let go.

It’s so fucking unfair, all of it. Think of all the things you don’t get to do. I don’t want to do them either. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. I can’t grow old. I can’t have grandchildren or children or get married or work my dream job or stay in one place for too long because you didn’t get to do that either. You should have taken me with you so it would be fair. But you didn’t. You left me behind in this mess of guilt and shame and fear and anger. Supress and forget during the day then relive it over and over at night, screaming until my throat is sore or crying until my eyes burn or dreaming of it, every detail carved into my brain, the smell, the light, the noise. Rubber gloves and acid. I’m so tired of this. 

I’m sorry I killed you. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry every day and every night. And I wish I could say something different, wish I could say something to fix what I’ve broken but just like the shattered glass in the street I can’t put this back together. And I’ve been trying to ignore the mess, stepping on the broken pieces with my bare feet and it digs its way under my skin and it hurts and it hurts so bad to be here. 

I miss you so much, every day I miss you and your smile and your voice and the way you danced while you were brushing your teeth and the smell of your perfume and the way you rolled your eyes at me and how happy you always were. 

It’s what I get for killing you. It’s what I get for killing the most wonderful human being that has ever graced this planet. 

I’m despicable and undeserving and I am so, so sorry. 

I don’t know and I don’t know and there’s nothing and there’s no you but I’ve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you still enjoy this story  
> thank you for reading


	25. The Sturdiest Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey walks out to the farm to make things right with Ana

Harvey hardly slept that night, his fight with Ana continuously playing before his eyes like a terrible movie that made his chest feel heavy. It was clear the moment she left the previous night that he had to run after her, just not immediately. She definitely needed time to calm down and sober up before they could talk about all the things that were said. He walked down the street, cobblestone turning into the familiar dirt path, and Harvey couldn't help but feel like he was marching off to battle, dearly hoping that this wasn’t a lost fight already. He was hurt by what Ana has said about him enjoying the feeling of superiority. And yet he felt like maybe she was right after all, maybe he was only hurt because he knew it might be the truth.

Harvey felt very confused, very torn. He didn’t know how to handle the situation, didn’t know what to say to her or what to do when he saw her, all he knew was that he wanted to be close to her. The mere possibility of Ana not wanting to see him anymore hurt much more than anything that has left her mouth the night before, so he has gotten dressed and left his apartment to go and see her once the light shifted and the sky turned from black to grey. The drizzle of the previous evening has intensified during the night, leaving deep puddles along the way. 

He kept his head down, his hands buried in the pockets of his coat, fingers wrapped tightly around his keys and his phone. Dripping wet and shivering, he looked up only when he knew that he could see the colourful sign of Beesburg Farm. It looked off, it was too bright against the grey sky and the brown puddles of mud. As he approached the farmland, his pace varied. One second he felt determined and full of courage and he walked faster, the next he was timid and insecure, slowing down.  
Finally he passed the sign and walked through the small strip of forest, to find himself on the farmland. It was a little before eight, the barn and the coop were still closed and there was no light in the farmhouse. Except for the sound of rain hitting the leaves of the forest, everything was quiet, deserted almost. Like the farm held its breath, waiting for what would happen next. The wind picked up a little, increasing the white noise of the rain for a few moments and when it faded out he heard a strange noise from behind the orchard, a dull thud. Like something big hitting wet earth. 

Without thinking Harvey walked towards the source of the noise and there she was, crouching under a big oak tree, fumbling with a rope. As he got closer he saw she was shaking heavily, her hair and clothes soaked, sticking to her small frame.  
Ana stood up slowly and unsteadily, tumbling a little then holding onto the tree. He heard her dagger-like breaths as she tried to throw the rope over a particularly thick branch. It didn’t work, the rope slipped on the wet bark and fell to the ground. Ana took a step backwards, trying to catch it but she tumbled over a small rock and landed in the mud with a gasp for air. 

With a few long strides Harvey was by her side. He wanted to ask her if she was alright but the words were stuck in his throat as she looked up at him. Never in his life has he seen anything so pitiful. She was crying, her cheeks drained of all their rosy colour, what remained of last night’s makeup was clinging to her wet face. Her black hair was stuck to her white skin, causing a contrast that made her look like a ghost. 

“I can’t get it up”, she managed to say in-between heavy sobs.  
Her voice was hoarse and loaded with emotions, the pain in her eyes flicked the switch in Harvey’s brain and he was no longer lost for words.  
“What do you mean?”  
“The swing!”, she cried as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “I told her I’d put it back up but I can’t do it.”  
Only now did Harvey notice the tractor tire that was lying in the high grass, it was tied to the rope with some clumsy knots. He shook his head in disbelief.  
“Ana, you’re going to catch your death out here, you’re dripping wet. Let’s get you inside and…”  
“No! I need to put up the swing, it’s important! If I don’t… I… I…”, she started crying even harder, causing a painful sensation in Harvey’s chest.  
He couldn’t see her like this, so broken, so lost. And in that moment he realised that he had tried so hard to fix her himself, had tried to carry her to safety, but this could never work, no matter how badly he wanted it to. He couldn’t make everything okay but he knew he could help her get better. He could help her pick up her pieces and he could help her stay on the right path that would lead her home eventually.  
And so he bent down, took the rope from her stiff and cold fingers that had an alarming light-blue tint to them. She let go and looked up at him through teary eyes. He was notably taller than her and a little stronger so it was quite easy for him to throw the rope over the big branch. He grabbed the end before it could slip back down and pulled until the tire was hanging three feet above the ground. With skilled fingers he managed to tie a few strong knots, strong enough to keep the swing up anyways.

“That good?”, he asked her and she nodded as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, “Great, now let’s get you inside, okay?”  
She nodded again and Harvey helped her get to her feet carefully. He held her shivering body close as they walked towards the farmhouse.  
“How long have you been out here?”  
“I don’t know”, she replied quietly and then, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be like this.”  
“Don’t worry, Ana”, he said soothingly, “Everything is going to be a little better soon.”

The door was left unlocked and the moment they got in, Cow was by their side. The dog must have known that something wasn’t right because instead of his usual loud and wild culture of welcome he just whined a little as he circled around them. Harvey led Ana to the bathroom, where he helped her peel out of her wet clothes. He carefully looked at her stiff fingers. They were very pale, almost a little blue but he knew she would be fine. She clumsily wrapped her hair in a towel and then let him lead her back out into the living room. They stayed silent for all of that, the calm only disturbed by Ana’s sobs and Cow’s whining. Harvey wrapped Ana in her forest green blanket and motioned for her to sit down on the couch. She did as she was told, looking at him with those big grey eyes. He resisted the urge to kiss her forehead, he didn’t know if this was something she would be okay with at that moment. Instead he walked to the fireplace and started a small fire. 

He watched as the flames were born, eating away at the paper he had thrown in, growing bigger and brighter and finally engulfing the logs of firewood. It was mesmerising and easier to look at than Ana in pain.  
“Your clothes are wet too”, she said quietly, “You should change.”  
“I will”, he replied, took a deep breath and got up.  
“Don’t leave though… please”  
He turned to look at her and smiled weakly.  
“I won’t.”

Harvey went into the bedroom where he had a few clothes to change into. Ana had insisted he bring a bunch and even emptied out one of her drawers for him to put them into. It was a small gesture, maybe not even worth mentioning but to him it felt reassuring. The thought of this drawer, a drawer full of his things at her place, made the bickering and the small disagreements fun, because he knew they were strong and nothing this meagre could break them apart.  
He changed and carried the wet clothes into the bathroom, where he gave his reflection a resolute look, then he went back into the living room.

Ana was lying on her back, head turned to watch the fire. Her lids were heavy, she seemed tired but once she heard him close the door she looked up at him.  
“Do you want to come here?”, she asked carefully.  
“Do you want me to?”, he asked back, equally careful.  
“I do.”  
He walked up to the couch while Ana sat up. He took a seat at the other end of the couch, crossing his legs out of habit. She looked at the fire, her arms wrapped around her knees. Cow was lying on his armchair, staring at them with big puppy eyes. They were quiet for a while, unsure of what to say or where to start. Normally he would be anxious, worried she might tell him to leave or that she couldn’t be with him anymore but he thought about his drawer in her bedroom and felt comforted somehow. After a while Cow’s snoring disrupted the silence and they both snorted quietly. Finally they looked at each other, finding warmth in their eyes, warmth and affection. 

“It was rainy, a little like last night”, Ana started after a few seconds and Harvey held his breath, “I was seventeen and I just finished high school so naturally I spent that summer going from one party to the next. I was out pretty much every night and then slept all day and I thought I was being so cool. I really do remember thinking that, looking in the mirror with my makeup from the previous night still plastered on my face. Of course I wasn’t cool though. I didn’t even enjoy myself all that much I don’t think. But I still went to every single party.”

“I was only seventeen, I didn’t have my licence yet so I had to take the subway to get around. My parents didn’t want me to do that in the middle of the night though. They said it’s unsafe. Romi wasn’t done with her semester yet, she still had like five papers to write and ten tests to take. She was studying every day from early morning until late at night so she usually was okay with picking me up. But after a few weeks she got tired of it, tired of having to drive around the city in the middle of the night, tired of my drunkenness which was fair. And when I got ready for a party one night and asked her if she would pick me up she eventually said no. She said I should ask our parents but of course they weren’t willing to pick me up at three in the morning. I wasn’t allowed to go out unless I had secured a safe ride home, that was the deal I had made with my mom and dad. None of my friends could drive but they were all allowed to take the subway home. I argued with my mom, asking her to let me go by train just that one night but she only said that maybe it would be better if I stayed home for a change. It was a big party though and I really wanted to go. Romi and I got into a massive fight. I told her she was being an asshole for not picking me up and she told me I was a spoiled brat. It was weird, we never usually fought.  
That night I told everyone that I was going to bed early and Romi moved her books and laptop out of our bedroom to the living room so I could sleep. But I didn’t actually go to sleep, I climbed out of the window and took the subway to get to that stupid party.”

“At the party there was this weird guy, he was older and was already attending university. He was a friend of a friend of someone’s brother or something, we didn’t really know. I made out with him at some other party before that and he wanted to take it further, wanted to hook up in a closet but I told him that I wasn’t in the mood. Truth is he was a little strange and an awful, awful kisser. But he was respectful of my decision, said it was okay and maybe some other time. He messaged me a few times online after that but I never responded. He creeped me out. Now mind you, I have no proof that it was him but I’m sure he was the one that spiked my drink on the night I snuck out.”

“I only had two cups of watery beer that tasted like piss but I was feeling woozy, couldn’t form proper sentences anymore, couldn’t even stand up straight. I just wanted to lie down, just wanted to sleep. Luckily my friends were there to look out for me. It took a while for them to understand that I wasn’t just drunk, that this was a little more serious. They argued about what to do with me now, fought off every guy that came too close and finally they decided to call my parents. I somehow managed to tell them to call my sister instead. I didn’t want to get into trouble and if Romi picked me up there was at least a slim chance I could get away with sneaking out. They called her from my phone, told her I was feeling unwell and that I really needed someone to pick me up. I was worried she might refuse to come but she didn’t. She was there fast, came in and dragged me into the bathroom. She stuck her finger down my throat, made me throw up and then made me drink a lot of water straight from the tab. I was feeling a little better and then she dragged me out to the car.”

“When we entered the freeway I managed to thank her for driving me home but to my absolute horror she said she wasn’t driving me home. She said we were going to the hospital so a doctor could check what substance I was given and if there was any harm done. That started our second argument of the night. She didn’t yell at me or anything, she just told me over and over that this was the wisest thing to do. I panicked, I knew that if I went to the hospital my parents would find out about me sneaking out and I was so fucking scared, not of their anger but of their disappointment. I told her I was fine and I told her this was stupid and I just needed some sleep and… well… There were bright lights… I heard Romi curse and then there was a big crash. I don’t remember much after that.”

“One moment I have a sister that I could fight with and the next I don't. She was gone, just like that. Without any warning signs, without any goodbyes. She was… dead. And I killed her. I killed my sister.”

“You didn’t kill her, Ana”, Harvey intervened immediately, “Don’t say that. Accidents happen.”  
“It was my fault we were on that stupid freeway. It was my fault she was out, because I wanted to go to that fucking party. I killed her. I killed her and I broke my parents and myself and everyone and everything. The whole world felt so wrong after that night. I didn’t talk to my friends anymore because I was a killer and I didn’t deserve them. I couldn’t face my parents either. I was never home, tried to avoid them. They never said I killed her but I knew they thought that. On my eighteenth birthday I moved out and I haven’t talked to them since, to make life easier for them. I got a job at Joja, told myself I would only focus on that, would only work and sleep and work and sleep until I died. I didn’t deserve anything else. It worked out for almost two years but I met a few nice people at work and we eventually became friends. Then I met Anthony and we started dating somehow and I lived a pretty decent life for a while but… guilt started eating me up. I killed my sister and this was my punishment? A serious relationship with someone who cared about me, friends I would go out with and a steady job? I couldn’t stand myself, couldn’t stand anyone who was being nice to me at all and I tried to put the blame for my misery on everyone but myself. And when I got the opportunity to come out here I took it. I told myself I would do it right this time around. I quit drinking, deleted my social media and I worked hard on the farm by myself, trying to keep her memory alive and to keep myself busy. But then I met Maru and Emily and Penny and Leah and Shane and… well… you. And without trying to resist I let everyone be kind to me even though I knew I didn’t deserve it. I told myself that maybe I could be someone else out here, maybe I could forget about what happened but it caught up with me and I’m feeling worse than ever. I can’t sleep anymore, Harvey, I can’t eat, I can’t enjoy anything without regret and I don’t know what to do anymore. And you’re the worst part of it all because you make me so happy, you make me feel so good and you make me think I deserve all of this when I don’t.”

She welled up and her breathing became faster.  
“Hey, hey”, he said calmly, reaching out to pull her in, she let him.  
He held her close, his arms around her small, shaking body. She cried into his neck, hot tears on his skin.  
“You were right”, she managed to say through her sobs, “When you said I need help.”  
“We’ll figure it out, Ana”, he said quietly, “We'll get you help. And as long as you want me to I’ll be around to support you, I hope you know that.”  
These words caused another flood of tears. One after the other, hitting his bare skin. The immense relief he felt at that moment was hard to describe. She admitted she needed help, this was a massive first step in the right direction. Ana was ready to start her healing process, finally after eight long years of suffering.

Once Ana was all cried out she rested her head against his chest, his chin on her head, one hand rubbing her back soothingly.  
“You said that everything will be a little better soon”, she said with a hoarse voice, “Do you really believe that?”  
“I do”, he replied quietly, “I really do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're nearing the end  
> i hope you still like it


	26. Therapy Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana sends a message to Romi to tell her about the past few weeks

to: romibb@zumail.fr  
from: anabb@zumail.fr  
object: handkerchief

Hello Romi,

Today is a Wednesday. Today the weather is cold, rainy and foggy. Today is also my birthday. 

Do you remember the banoffee pie mom used to make for us? Homemade caramel between our teeth and whipped cream smeared all across our faces as we opened the many gifts they got for us. When you turned six you got a little toy med kit. It was green, I remember that. You stole all of my plushies and opened your own hospital in our room. I was the nurse, handing you your tools even though I was fed up with this game rather quickly. 

And on my sixth birthday I got a bike with training wheels. We took it outside in the rain so I could ride it in the park next to our apartment and I was trying my hardest to chase after you on your big-girl-bike but I couldn’t keep up and then I lost my balance and fell to the ground, sharp pebbles cutting my skin open, staining my tights and birthday dress with blood. You took me to the fountain and cleaned my wound and then put on one of the band aids you always carried with you. Mom was furious. My new bike was broken and my dress was dirty and ripped and she didn’t allow us to go back to the park for a week. But that was okay, I didn’t really feel like going anymore anyways.

The next time I tried to learn how to ride a bike was when I was nine, here in the Valley. I got the hang of it quite quickly and we raced around all summer long, growing more reckless by the day until I decided to bike down the mountain and crashed into a tree. I lost three teeth in the process and hurt my nose. My mouth was full of blood and I kept spitting it all over the place. You were right there with tissues and tried to look for my teeth but they were lost somewhere in the grass. It was a mess and when we got back to the farm grandpa was weeding in the garden. He looked up, his old straw hat on, shielding his eyes against the setting sun and after a few seconds he started laughing. He was laughing so heartily, we looked at each other in shock.  
“ _Serves you right, you little barbarian_ ”, he said and then he took me to the clinic.

My nose wasn’t broken and the teeth I lost were baby teeth still so all we had to do was wait for my new teeth to grow in, but that took almost two years. The teasing was merciless and eating wasn’t as much fun as it used to be but at least I didn’t give up on biking again (I did give up on riding bikes down mountains though).

I’m twenty-six now, which means that it’s been twenty years since I broke my first bike and it also means that this is the ninth birthday I’m celebrating without you. What a strange thought, considering the fact that up until recently I liked to tell myself that you were just out of reach, not actually gone. I suppose that’s why I’ve been writing all of these emails to you over the past years, knowing that you’ll never read them but still hoping you might. Dr. Andrea said that those messages are a coping mechanism I came up with to deal with you leaving me. It’s harmless, she said, maybe even helpful. 

Dr. Andrea is my therapist, she has her practice in Zuzu City. Once a week I get on the bus to go see her in her small office with beige walls and paintings of flowers on the wall. It always smells like lavender in there, I don’t know how she does that. Dr. Andrea is a calming presence, despite the fact that she has dyed her hair bright red and permed it. Her hair and her colourful pantsuits make her look like she’s from another decade but in the best way possible. Every time I come in she offers me a cup of tea and asks me how I’ve been doing. 

At first I didn’t really know how to respond to that, she was a complete stranger and I was worried I might say the wrong thing but to that she always replied “ _There are no wrong things to say_ ”, so over the past five weeks I’ve been learning to open up about what happened the night you left and ever since. She calls what we’re doing Trauma-focused Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which sounds like it’s a really big deal, doesn’t it? She says she wants me to “ _come to terms with the traumatic events of my past_ ”, which sounds like an even bigger deal but really it’s mostly me talking about my feelings concerning that night and little exercises for my mind that I can do at home when I can’t sleep or when I’m feeling overwhelmed. It has helped quite a bit already but she figures we’ll have to keep seeing each other for a little while longer. I don’t mind that. Therapy gives me a sense of security, a little hope. 

For the past years I’ve been blaming myself for what happened to you, but I’ve been trying to find a new approach to my role in all of it. I was seventeen and while I should have known better than to sneak out from home, there was no malice looming in the back of my mind. And of course it wasn’t my fault the other car lost control, the driver was drunk. That much we have established so far. 

_It wasn’t my fault_.  
On good days I can actually believe that and honestly it fills me with a sense of relief. But I have bad days too where I feel like I haven’t made any progress at all. It’s usually when I didn’t sleep or eat or drink enough or when I’ve been alone for too long. Dr. Andrea says that’s okay. It’s okay to have bad days as long as they don’t take the upper hand. As long as I can remind myself that there’s better days ahead too. She suggested I carry a handkerchief with me and every time I see or experience something nice I’m supposed to tie a knot in it and then, before going to bed I’m supposed to look at it and remember all the good things that have happened that day. It sounds silly but it actually helps, it fills your mind with positive images before you fall asleep. 

That’s just one of the exercises she gave me. I’m supposed to journal, meditate (she calls it deep breathing but it’s the same thing in my eyes) and search for social support which is something I still struggle with a little but I’m trying my best. I really, really am and I feel like that’s already pretty good.

But of course Dr. Andrea isn’t the only person that has helped me through the past few weeks. Harvey really meant it when he said he’s going to be around to support me through all of this. But things have been very different since our big fight at the Spirit’s Eve party, we haven’t kissed or slept with each other at all. He still spends most nights at the farm, we have dinner and talk and we share the bed. He also walks me to the bus when I go to Zuzu City to go to therapy and he picks me up when I get home. Sometimes he hugs me and rests his chin on my head and at night he holds me so close I can feel his heartbeat. It’s strange but soothing at the same time. I don’t know if he’s trying to be respectful or if he’s not interested in a romantic relationship with me anymore, I’m pretty broken after all. But to be honest, I haven’t had the courage to ask him about it because over the past few weeks I had plenty of time to reflect on the chaos of emotions that was raging on inside of my crooked brain and I’ve realised that despite all of my madness and sadness and frustration I’ve fallen in love with him. I’ve fallen in love with his green eyes, his big glasses, his shy smile, his hearty laugh, his stern expression when he’s deep in thought, with his caring nature, his strange sense of humour, with the way he pets Cow, his steadiness and the way he holds the book he’s reading, with his model airplanes that he loves so much, with his fear of heights and the way he looks when he’s dead asleep, with the way he walks and talks and hums in content, with the faint scent of coffee that always clings to him and with all the courage he can muster when he needs it. 

I don’t have much to offer. My brain is not going to heal magically, this will take time and I’ll be struggling with the scars for the rest of my life probably. There’s nothing peaceful about me left. And while I can imagine having him close every night for the rest of my life, so close that his breath tickles my neck and I can feel his pulse under my fingers, I don’t know if he can see that too. Would he want to marry someone so brittle? Have a child with someone this fragile? I can’t promise sunny days and cosy nights but there will be rainstorms and wildfires with an uncomfortable certainty. I don’t have much to offer. I really don’t. 

He’s coming over later today when the clinic’s closed to celebrate my birthday. Maybe I’ll have enough courage to tell him how I feel then. Maybe I’ll have enough courage to ask him how he feels then. Maybe. 

I have to go and meet Maru, Leah, Penny and Emily now. They want to buy me lunch for my birthday. Another knot in my handkerchief. The third one today and it’s only eleven. 

That’s good.

Love,  
Ana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always  
> thank you for reading  
> and i really hope you like it


	27. The Living Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey heads over to the farm to celebrate Ana's birthday

He saw her standing on the porch as he approached the farmhouse, lit up by the yellow light shining through her windows. She watched as the first snowflakes of the season were lazily drifting down, just to disappear as soon as they kissed the wet ground. It had rained all day but once the sun set, the raindrops turned to white clusters of crystals, ready to put the world to sleep for the rest of the year. The fact that the first snowfall happened on Ana’s birthday felt strangely fitting to Harvey. Like earth finally granted her some rest. 

She had her hair down, an unfamiliar sight, usually she tied it into a bun or braided it down the side of her neck. Harvey liked the way her dark waves framed her face, it made her look like she stepped out of a book of fairy tales. He felt his heart flutter as he watched her watch the snowflakes. Faint music could be heard, the little radio in her kitchen playing an unfamiliar tune.

When she finally noticed him approaching, she turned to face him with a careful smile.  
“Oh, you made it!”  
“Of course”, Harvey replied as he walked up the steps to the porch, “I would never miss your birthday.”  
“I know how busy you are at the clinic, I thought maybe you’re too tired and… well the weather’s not great for a walk either”, she pointed out to the farmland that was absorbing the snowflakes when her eyes widened, “Oh, you must be freezing! Let’s go inside!”

She opened the front door and Cow immediately pressed his big body past her to greet Harvey excitedly. He clumsily tried to pet the dog with one hand while balancing the cardboard box and the two bags he was holding with the other, but once Ana whistled, her pet lost interest in Harvey and rushed back inside without missing a beat. 

Harvey sighed happily once the door was closed behind him. It was nice and warm inside, Ana had a fire going in the fireplace and the heating was on. They took off their shoes and walked into the kitchen, where he put down the box and the bags, then he turned to face her.  
“Happy birthday, Ana”, he said finally, carefully initiating a hug.  
Without hesitation she wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his chest.  
“Thank you”, she said, her words muffled by the fabric of his coat.  
He rested his chin on top of her head and closed his eyes, breathing in her sweet, floral scent. 

The past weeks have brought a lot of change. Ana was seeing a therapist, an old friend of his. He had a feeling she would feel comfortable around Andrea and was glad to see that he was right.  
Ana didn’t talk much about therapy but he noticed a big shift in her behaviour. She seemed more present, more grounded during conversations, she ate regularly, put on a little weight even and she didn’t get up in the middle of the night anymore. All of that made Harvey very happy, but it was her laugh that made him feel over the moon. It sounded lighter, like a heavy weight was lifted off of her. He guessed that somehow that was what had happened. 

The way she was standing in front of him now, in her woollen cardigan and soft dress, was so different from who she was six weeks ago and from who she was when he first met her. She was much calmer but still as witty and charming and she still made him feel a way nobody else could. 

“I brought dinner from the Saloon”, he said once they let go of each other and started to unpack the styrofoam boxes full of hot food, “I hope you’re hungry.”  
“Sure am”, she replied with a smile and made her way to the cupboards to get out plates, “What did you get?”  
“Well, since we didn’t get to go to the Saloon for breakfast lately I thought it’d be nice to catch up on all the food we missed?”  
“You didn’t!”, Ana said with excitement in her eyes, “Breakfast for dinner?”  
“I hope that’s okay?”  
“It’s better than okay! This is perfect!”

Harvey smiled at her joy. She was walking back over with two plates in her hands, looking at the styrofoam boxes with great interest.  
“What did you get?”  
“I got the complete breakfast with eggs and bacon and some hash browns”, he explained.  
“No pancakes?”, she asked with a curious smile.  
“Not for dinner, no”, he replied with a shrug.  
“This smells delicious, let’s eat!”

They set the table and loaded their plates with breakfast foods. He watched as Ana dug in and listened to her tell him all about her lunch with the girls and about the gifts they got for her. Maru has given her a star map of her birthday, Penny’s got her a book, Emily a crystal that supposedly helps heal the soul and Leah has made her a painting. She asked questions about his day at the clinic and listened intently just like she did on the night they met at the Saloon. He looked at her happily, looked into her bright grey eyes that were full of that spark again. 

Of course Harvey knew that Ana wasn’t healed for good. That was not what her therapy was about, it was about helping her adjust and come to terms with what has happened to her. She would have to carry the scars for the rest of her life, he was aware of that. But the fact that she has made such great progress in such a short amount of time made him feel strangely proud. She was strong, very strong and as she was sitting across from him he wanted nothing more than to grab her hand and hold it tightly. But he hasn’t done that since the Spirit’s Eve party. He has hugged her and has held her close when they slept at night but he has not held her hand, has not kissed her or slept with her. Not because he didn’t want to but because he wanted Ana to figure out what she needed first.

He feared that maybe she considered leaving the farm behind, leaving Pelican Town to go back to the city and start over. Maybe she would realise that she couldn’t stay here or that Harvey wasn’t what she needed. And to protect them both from any further harm he decided to put a hold on the romance to just be there for her and support her in whatever decision she made.  
Ana quietly accepted this, even though he felt like sometimes she looked at him longingly, like she wanted more of him. But maybe that was all in his head. It was hard to say and he didn’t bring it up because he knew she needed to focus on herself right then. 

Once they had finished their dinner, Ana declared that on her birthday it was against the law to do the dishes so she just put them into the sink instead. After that Harvey sent her out of the kitchen and into the living room so he could properly prepare her cake that he kept hidden in the cardboard box.  
He had asked Gus to make a pancake-cake for Ana, a bittersweet reminder of the Sunday mornings they had spent at the Saloon. It looked good, the pancakes were thin and had a nice golden colour and the cream in-between the layers appeared fluffy, overall the cake promised to be loaded with monosaccharides and saturated fats which seemed ideal, if a little unhealthy.

He had purchased birthday candles at Pierre’s, they were yellow and blue and he put twenty-six of them on the cake. Harvey was still a little insecure about the age difference between him and Ana but once he struggled with lighting all of the candles without setting himself on fire, he realised that twenty-six wasn’t such a low number after all. 

Once all the candles were lit, he carried the cake out of the kitchen and into the adjacent living room, where Ana was sitting with Cow’s massive head in her lap. Her eyes widened when she saw him approach.  
“Yoba”, she said breathlessly as he placed the cake on the coffee table, “You didn’t have to do all that”  
Cow fled the scene at the sight of the little flames and took to hiding behind the armchair.  
“Alright, make a wish”, he instructed, making her laugh.  
“Okay…”, she closed her eyes firmly and furrowed her brows, thinking, “I wish… I wish for this cake to taste as amazing as it looks”  
She blew out all the candles with one breath and then beamed up at him as he clapped.

“I feel like a kid again, I can’t remember the last time I got a cake for my birthday”, Ana smiled, “What kind of cake is this?”  
Harvey was already halfway back in the kitchen to get a knife, forks, plates and the gift bag.  
“It’s a pancake-cake”, he announced, “I hope you like that…”  
“More breakfast? This day keeps getting better!”

The cake was divine, not that Harvey expected any less of one of Gus’ creations. The cream had a slight vanilla taste to it and the pancakes were so soft it felt like they were melting against his tongue. Ana seemed to have the same opinion as she decided to have a second slice of it. Then came the part Harvey was genuinely nervous about. He got her a gift that he thought she would love but the closer the moment of handing it over to her got, the less secure he was in his choice.

“Would you like to open your gift?”, he asked shyly as he grabbed the bag that was standing on the table.  
“Do I?”, she laughed, making his fingers tingle.  
He liked her new laugh, so light and melodic. With a little less hesitation, he handed the gift bag over to her and watched as she pulled out a small, wooden picture frame. 

She looked at the photograph in complete silence and with every passing second Harvey grew more nervous. Ana put her hand over her mouth and he saw her eyes become glassy.  
“Yoba”, she breathed finally, “Where did you find that?”  
“Lewis came in for an appointment the other week and he told me about the old, undeveloped film he found in his attic. He said he was sure you must be in some of the pictures too so I asked if there’s any way we could get them developed and… well… Maru was more than ready to figure out the science behind it…”  
Ana didn’t respond, her eyes glued to the pale photo. It was a picture of her and her sister when they were around five to seven. They were standing in front of the farmhouse. Ana’s hair was in two messy pigtails and she was holding a piece of corn that was half the size of her entire body. She was in bright green shorts and her legs were covered in scratches and bruises. Romi was in a purple-pink dress and holding a basket full of tomatoes, her hair in a neat braid. And between them was their grandfather, Joseph Beesburg. Tall and plump in a light blue overall with an old straw hat on, he had placed one hand on Ana’s and the other on Romi’s shoulder. 

“I remember that day”, Ana said quietly, “It was late summer, our parents were set to pick us up the day after this picture was taken. We were helping grandpa with the harvest and we offered him to stay and work for him full time… Even though we had no idea what that even meant. Yoba… this was twenty years ago. I don’t believe it.”  
Harvey couldn’t read her expression, didn’t know if she was happy or sad and struggled with forming a sentence that would make sense.  
“I’m sorry if this isn’t a nice surprise for you, I thought maybe…”, he tried but couldn't finish his thought.  
Ana finally looked up at him as he talked, still teary but she smiled a smile that made her eyes sparkle.  
“You have no idea how much this means to me, Harvey!”  
He felt a wave of relief wash over him.  
“Oh good! I was worried it might upset you and…”  
She didn’t let him finish his sentence, instead she flung one arm around him, the picture clutched to her chest with her free hand and pulled him into a tight hug. After the initial surprise, Harvey wrapped his arms around her, his cheek pressed against her temple. 

They sat like this for a few moments until Ana’s head moved a little, turning to look up at him. He felt his heart flutter, knowing the look in her eyes and for a moment he wanted to forget about all the things that needed to be said. He inched closer, their lips already slightly touching when a sigh escaped him.  
“Ana”, he whispered, not moving closer but not pulling away either.  
“Yes?”, she replied in a hushed voice.  
“I need you to be sure that this is what you want, okay?”  
“What do you mean?”, she asked, confusion overshadowing the eagerness in her eyes as she moved away just enough so she could look him in the eyes properly.  
“You’ve been going through a lot and now that you’re figuring out what you really need it wouldn’t be a surprise if maybe you wanted less of this and more of something else…”  
It was a clumsy attempt but he didn’t know how to untangle his anxious thoughts to properly bring his point across. Luckily Ana has learned to help him in that.  
“What is ‘ _this_ ’?”, she asked, her voice soft.  
“Well… The Valley… Pelican Town… Me…”, he muttered, feeling his neck grow hot.  
“And what is ‘ _something else_ ’?”, she continued.  
“Zuzu City and your old friends and all the endless, energetic opportunities”, he replied quietly, avoiding her eyes, “Maybe you want to go back and explore what you couldn’t before…”

“Harvey”, she said quietly, “Look at me please.”  
He did as he was told. Her eyes were filled with warmth.  
“I’ve lived in the city for almost all of my life, twenty-five years and eight of those years I felt like a lost stranger. It didn’t feel like home. But this…”, she made a small gesture with the hand that held the picture frame, “This… The Valley, Pelican Town… You… This _does_ feel like home. And I might not be able to pick a favourite colour for more than a week but I do know that I want to stay here. And… well… If you want to I’d like it if we could…”

He didn’t let her finish. He pulled her in gently and placed his lips on hers. A small sigh escaped both of them, weeks of anticipation, weeks of uncertainty gone with a single touch.  
Ana wanted to stay. She wanted to stay here and she wanted to stay with him. He felt like his chest was about to burst with happiness. The prospect of a happy ending finally visible at the end of this bumpy road. This was what he had wanted from the very start but he knew every rock and every pothole was what lead them here, into Ana’s living room on her twenty-sixth birthday while the first snow of the season was gracing the Valley. 

When their kiss ended he placed his forehead against hers, the swelling feeling in his chest growing even stronger and he was about to blurt it out but she was just a little quicker than him.  
“I love you”, she whispered, her eyes glassy once more.  
“I love you too”, he replied, “I really, really do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading  
> it means a lot to me


	28. The Feast of the Winter Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a big day for Ana and Harvey

“I changed my mind, Harvey. I don’t think I can do this after all.”  
“I’m afraid it’s a little too late now.”  
It was the morning of the Feast of the Winter Star and Ana and Harvey were sitting at her kitchen table, the brightly painted sun smiling up at them. She looked rough, had barely slept the last night and with her continuous tossing and turning she managed to keep him up with her. Her hair was in a messy bun, loose strands framing her face that was even paler than usual and she had her cardigan tightly wrapped around her, her hands hidden in the sleeves.  
“Are you sure?”, she asked quietly.  
Harvey glanced at the clock that was mounted on the wall over the fridge. It was just past ten.  
“Yes, pretty sure.”  
“Darn”, Ana said and sniffled.

She had caught a cold while out foraging in the forest, had been down with a fever for almost a week, dragging it out by refusing to let anyone else take care of the animals. But she had gone to see her doctor after some hesitation and returned with medicine that she took religiously. She was in much better shape now, the only noticeable evidence her sickness had left her with was a bright red nose and her sporadic sniffling. Harvey was just glad it didn’t seem to have affected her lungs, the flu that was going around town this winter was brutal. He had been very busy lately and was grateful for the holiday season, since people tended to be in better shape around that time.

Ana pulled her mug closer and started pouring cream into her coffee. She had already done the same thing earlier and Harvey watched as her bright beige drink turned a dirty white.  
“You want some coffee with your cream?”, he asked, raising an eyebrow.  
“Huh?”, she replied and as she looked down into her mug, realising her mistake, “Oh crap.”  
“You’re really nervous, aren’t you?”  
“You have no idea”, Ana sighed, putting the cream back down.  
She got up and took her mug to the counter with her, where she poured more coffee from the pot with shaking hands.

“I’m sure it’s going to be okay”, he said soothingly, watching the tremor in her movements, “You should have a bite of your toast, Ana. You’ll feel better once you’ve eaten.”  
Ana turned and leaned against the counter, her mug pressed against her chest as though she was trying to warm her heart.  
“I don’t feel like I could keep any food down, honestly.”  
“It’s going to be okay”, he repeated, which earned him a wobbly smile.

While Ana was sick she had been plagued by fever dreams, most of which she couldn’t remember. Harvey had refused to sleep in the same bed as her as to not get sick himself and infect his patients, instead he had slept on the sofa, the door to the bedroom left open in case Ana needed anything during the night. Regularly he had heard her wake up from those vivid dreams and had listened to her steadying her breath, having a glass of water and some aspirin and going back to sleep. But one night, instead he had heard her footsteps on the floor, bare feet on cold wood.  
“Are you awake?”  
“Mhm…”  
“I think I should write to my parents.”

Ana never talked much about her parents, it was a sensitive subject still. He knew she hadn’t spoken to them in years, not since she had moved out from their home when she was eighteen so when she said those words Harvey had found himself on his feet fast.  
“Are you sure? This is a big step. Do you maybe want to see how you feel about it tomorrow morning?”, Harvey had asked while touching her face and forehead to feel her temperature.  
“No. If I sleep over it I might change my mind and I don’t think I want that.”  
“I see.”  
“I thought maybe I could invite them to come out here? So they can see what I’ve done to the farm and well… make up for some lost time. If they want to come and see me that is.”  
“I’m sure they’d love to”, he had said while squeezing her cold hands.  
“Do you really think so?”  
“I really, really do.”

It had taken her two hours and several drafts to finally come up with the letter she had been willing to send the following morning. Harvey hadn’t read it, instead he took the envelope and sent it before he went to work. He knew the rough outlines of it, knew that she had asked them to come celebrate the Feast of the Winter Star out here in the Valley, had told them what time the busses were leaving and had informed them that they could stay with her if they wanted to. 

Since the letter had been sent, Ana was a nervous wreck. Pacing, biting her nails and fidgeting continuously. There had not been a response but she insisted that that was normal in their family. She had told him the story of how her parents had been kicked out of a wedding because they didn’t rsvp multiple times. Therefore, there were two options for how events would unfold that day: either her parents would get off the bus from Zuzu City or they would not. Either way, Harvey felt wildly unprepared. 

Only an hour after breakfast they found themselves wading through the deep snow of the farmland towards the bus stop, where they wanted to pick up Ana’s parents. It was a particularly cold winter morning, Ana was holding onto Harvey’s hand like her life depended on it. Her fingers were drowning in the wool of her green mittens and she wore a big red scarf that hid half of her face. Besides the crunching of the snow beneath their feet and her occasional sniffling, everything was quiet. 

“What if they’re not there?”, Ana asked as they passed the sign of Beesburg farm which seemed to be sleeping underneath a little blanket of snow.  
“They will be there”, he replied, not knowing what else to say.  
He had tried to avoid thinking about the scenario in which nobody would get off the bus, knowing that Ana would be shattered. Reaching out to her parents was a very big deal and he hoped with every fibre of his being that they were on the way to Pelican Town at that exact moment.  
“I’m scared.”  
“I know.”

They reached the little field next to the street where the bus stop was located. The road was covered in undisturbed snow, proof that no car had passed through since the night before.  
“They’re not here”, she said quietly.  
“We’re early”, he responded, squeezing her hand.  
“We’re early”, she repeated, squeezing back.

They stood in silence, watching as little snowflakes were starting to fall from the sky. They were small flakes, light and airy and they took their sweet time flying through the air before kissing the ground.  
“It looks like they’re dancing”, Ana said into the silence.  
“It does, doesn’t it?”  
“Harvey?”  
“Yes?”  
“Thank you.”  
He looked at her in surprise to find her grey eyes fixing him intently.  
“What for?”

But before she could answer him, they heard the roaring sound of the bus, fighting its way through the snow-covered street. Ana’s grip around his fingers tightened as she stepped back, almost like she was trying to hide. Harvey subconsciously held his breath, hoping that the bus would stop.  
The vehicle appeared from behind a row of trees and his heart fluttered when it slowed down and pulled over.  
“Oh Yoba”, Ana whispered to herself.

The bus stopped and for a few seconds nothing happened. Harvey swallowed hard. Then, finally the doors opened with an aching sound and he felt his chest swell and tighten all at the same time as a tall, plump man got off the bus. He wore a thick jacket and a hat with ear flaps, carrying a traveling bag. Then the man turned around and reached into the bus to retrieve another bag. With both hands full he stepped aside, his eyes immediately fixed on Harvey and Ana who was almost completely hidden behind him by now. 

A plump woman got out off the bus next, wearing a colourful hat with a big pompom on top of it and a bright white jacket. She stood next to her husband, looking towards Harvey and Ana as well.  
The doors of the bus closed and within a few seconds it moved back onto the street and drove off. The sound of the engine faded out and only now could Harvey hear Ana’s ragged breathing. He squeezed her hand again but this time she didn’t squeeze back. A few more moments of quiet ensued, then the woman finally took a step forward.

“Annie?”, she asked, her voice was smooth and reminded Harvey of a spring breeze, “Annie is that you?”  
Ana was frozen in place so Harvey carefully pulled her out from behind him. Her first few steps were resistant but once she was beside him and got a good look at her parents, she started moving on her own, slowly walking towards them, letting go of him.  
Ana’s mother was moving too, quicker and quicker the closer she got to her daughter.  
“Oh Annie”, she cried out as they finally met and wrapped her arms around Ana tightly, “My little girl, my little baby mouse!”  
Her father had dropped the traveling bags and was approaching the two women, wrapping his arms around both of them. 

Harvey saw Ana’s body trembling as she cried into her mother’s embrace.  
“I’m so sorry”, she repeated over and over, “I’m so, so sorry.”  
“It’s okay, love”, her father said, “It’s alright.”

Harvey felt completely out of place, intrusive even. Like he’s ruining an intimate moment simply by being there. The flowing tears, the sobbing, the whispered words of apologies and forgiveness all felt too personal to be witnessed by anyone besides the three of them so he busied himself watching the snowflakes as they danced their way to the ground.  
How long they stood there, he didn’t know. Time moves slower when you’re surrounded by soft blankets of snow and it wasn’t until he heard Ana’s voice, softly calling out his name that he returned his gaze to the little family that was stood in the white of the field. 

He gave a timid smile and as Ana reached out her hand, as though she was trying to pull him in from afar, he started walking towards them. He was hyper aware of the eyes that were on him, tried to steady his breath and focused on the sound of the snow underneath his boots. Once he was close to them, Ana stepped out from her parents’ arms.  
“Mom… dad... This is Harvey. He’s my boyfriend”, she said with a little smile that seemed out of place on her tear-stained face. 

There was an intense silence as they looked at him, their faces still distorted from their emotional reunion.  
“It’s a pleasure to meet you”, Harvey said, his voice just slightly shaky at the sight of her father’s bright grey eyes and her mother’s black strands of hair.  
The same eyes as hers. The same hair as hers. These people have known Ana for most of her life, have raised her, have seen her bloom and grow and then they had to see her fall apart and had lost her for eight long years. 

“It’s wonderful to meet you, Harvey”, Ana’s mother said finally, reaching out her hand and Harvey was more than glad to take it, “I’m Ingrid.”  
He shook her hand, it was just as cold as her daughter's always were. Poor blood circulation seemed to run in the family. When they let go, he took the outstretched hand of Ana’s father.  
“And I’m Conrad. It’s nice to meet you.”  
The handshake was firm, the smile small but just enough to reveal one single dimple in his cheek. 

Ingrid and Conrad looked worn, there was no other way to say this. Harvey was familiar with this look, a look you could only obtain at the side of a loved one’s bed in an overcrowded ER in the middle of the night where crying drowns out every other noise. Deep shadows underneath their eyes that would not disappear after a night of good rest, wrinkles that were carved into their faces during hours of worrying and shedding tears and lids that were heavy like the curtains of an art déco theatre that were lowered to drown out the cruelty of the world and to keep in curiosity and excitement. And the way they were clinging onto Ana’s arm promised just how reluctant they were to let go again. 

They decided to make their way out of the cold and back to the farm. The snowflakes were growing bigger and bigger as they struggled down the path and the sky turned from a dirty white to a deep grey. They were walking in silence, only the crunching of the snow filled the air until they reached the farmland.  
“Oh my”, Ingrid breathed and stopped to look at the refurbished house in awe.  
“I replaced the widows, they were broken… and I painted it in the early summer. I hope that’s okay?”  
Ana sounded like a little kid, desperate for approval, desperate for encouragement.  
“Did you do this by yourself?”, her mother asked.  
“No, I did have _some_ help with the windows”, Ana replied, eyeing her father who had dropped the bag he was carrying and was now wading through the snow towards the coop and the barn.  
“Dad, would you like a cup of coffee first? I can show you around the farm later, maybe before we head to the Feast in town?”  
Her father ignored her.  
“Conrad, let’s go inside first, warm up a little”, Ingrid said in a friendly but firm tone.  
When he didn’t respond Ana started moving, hurrying to the best of her abilities through the deep snow and after her father. 

By the time she reached him they were out of earshot. Harvey and Ingrid watched as Ana placed a hand on Conrad’s shoulder. She talked to him quietly, leaning in just a little. Her head was moving slightly while she spoke, a sign that she was rather nervous.  
“We haven’t seen or spoken to Ana in eight years”, Ingrid said, her eyes fixing on her husband and daughter, “You knew that, didn’t you?”  
“I did, yes”, Harvey responded truthfully.  
She sighed.  
“It was no secret to us that we didn’t get to experience important moments in her life. Birthdays, feasts, promotions, moving apartments, breakups, mistakes and successes… We never really talked about it, Conrad and I, but I would lie if I said I didn’t speculate where she was or what she was doing every night before I went to sleep. You see, Harvey… it’s painful not to know”, she went quiet for two seconds, “But it’s just as painful to see all the things you missed.”  
Ana had wrapped her arms around her father’s waist, had pulled him into a tight hug.  
“I’ve only know her for under a year…”, Harvey began quietly, “But she’s brought so much light and joy into my life already. You’ve raised an incredible person, I’m sure she’ll find a million and a half ways to make up for the lost time.”  
Ana and her father were wading back through the snow as Ingrid turned to face Harvey with a small but honest smile.  
“I sure hope so. I missed her like crazy.”

They entered the farmhouse shortly after. Cow was so excited to have visitors he chased around the house for fifteen minutes while Harvey made coffee and Ana showed her parents to the bedroom. He heard them argue about the sleeping arrangements but it was clear from the start that there was no real point in the discussion. Ana had decided that her parents would sleep in the bedroom and her and Harvey would camp out on the sofa.  
By the time they came into the kitchen, Cow was tired and had fallen asleep in the door to the living room so they all had to step over his massive body.  
“What breed did you say he was, Annie?”, her mother asked as she eyed the snoring dog warily.  
“Honestly we don’t know exactly but we think there’s some Great Dane in the mix somewhere. He’s a wonderful dog though. I love him a lot”, Ana explained while she poured the coffee, “We assume someone in the city dropped him off in the area when he grew too big. I found him while I was out foraging.”  
“Poor thing”, Ingrid said and the way she looked at Cow changed from suspicion to pity.  
“Yeah. You’ll stop feeling sorry for him when he starts hiding your socks”, Ana laughed and put the mugs of coffee on the kitchen table. 

While they drank their coffee, Ingrid and Conrad asked questions about the farm and how Ana’s first year in the Valley went. She was in her element, sharing all the fun little anecdotes she had collected during her months out here. They were also very interested in Harvey’s work at the clinic and for the next hour all the strange sensations were forgotten and it felt a little like a traditional family holiday.  
By the time they were supposed to leave for Pelican Town to join the Feast there, the light snowfall of the morning had turned into a blizzard. The small flakes that had reminded Ana and Harvey of little dancers made way for big flakes that were falling like soldiers in an army.

“I don’t think we should head out in this weather…”, Ana said sadly as she looked through the living room window, “What a shame, everyone told me about how great the food will be.”  
“Well, we can celebrate out here”, Ingrid replied and the tone in her voice reminded Harvey of his own mother, “It’s nice and cosy and we can make a feast of our own, don’t you think?”  
“Oh yes! It feels like it’s been eight years since I had a meal made by mom!”  
“It’s a little too early to joke about this, Ana.”  
“Sorry…”

Ana and her mother left to go and figure out what meal they could make with the contents of the fridge, leaving the men alone in the living room. Harvey was nervous again as he clung to his third cup of coffee. Conrad was poking the fire that was merrily burning in the fireplace then got up and his eyes found the framed photograph of Ana, Romi and their grandfather that sat on the mantelpiece. He carefully took the picture in his hand and looked at it closely.  
“Mayor Lewis took the photo”, Harvey explained, “We had it developed for Ana’s birthday.”  
“Look at them”, Conrad said quietly, “Little rascals, the both of them… But admittedly Ana’s always caused more trouble than her sister.”  
Harvey noted that Conrad was probably not comfortable saying Romi’s name out loud.  
“We were very worried about her, even when she was still living with us. She had no clue what she wanted to do in life, had a new idea for a career every other day. When we got a letter from Pelican Town we couldn’t believe our eyes. Out of all the places, she chose to come out here to revive my father’s farm”, Conrad continued and turned around, the picture still in his hand, “But then I remembered how much she loved this place. They both did. It was a second home to them… Maybe, just maybe… This was her trying to come home.”

Harvey didn’t know what to say so he simply nodded. Conrad looked up with a weak smile on his face.  
“I’m sorry. Today is a very emotional day, I hope you can forgive us.”  
“There’s nothing to forgive”, Harvey smiled carefully.  
“Do you think she’s happy?”  
“I do think she’s happy, yes.”  
“She seems very drawn to you, Harvey.”  
“I’m also very drawn to her”, he replied, readjusting his glasses with steady hands.  
Conrad turned around again, put the picture back on the mantelpiece and rested his hand next to it.  
“Now, I’m not under the illusion that I know my daughter better than you do. A lot changes in eight years, it’s like I have to get to know her all over again and that’s what I’ll be doing today and tomorrow and every day from then on out. But all of this aside, I’m still her father. So I need you to promise me just one thing, Harvey. Promise me that you’re going to take good care of her.”  
“I promise”, Harvey said without hesitation.  
Conrad turned back around with a smile on his face.  
“Good. Now let’s see if we can go help with that feast, shall we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, it means the world (:


	29. Stardew Valley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana sends one last message to her sister

to: romibb@zumail.fr  
from: anabb@zumail.fr  
object: In the light

Do you remember our last summer out here on the farm? I was thirteen and you had just turned fifteen. We were at an age where going to the countryside to spend the summer with our grandpa didn’t exactly sound thrilling, which lead to some discussions with our parents. They wanted us to at least spend a little time with grandpa, maybe a week or two. Mom promised that if we got bored and chose to go home after that, we could call them and they would come and take us back to the city. But once we were here, we had so much fun we actually ended up staying the whole two months of summer vacation. 

In the mornings we got up early and helped grandpa out on the farm. We were watering the crops and harvested the ripe vegetables and fruits while grandpa tended to the animals. After that we had breakfast with him out on the porch, usually we had fresh eggs with homemade bread and cheese. While grandpa went to lie down around noon, we rushed out to get to the beach. We played in the water and hung out around the tidal pools all day with the other kids from the Valley and we would go get ice cream with the money we got from grandpa for helping out on the farm.  
In the evenings we returned to the farm, watered the crops once more and then we had dinner. Sometimes grandpa would make a bonfire so we could grill sausages on sticks over the open flames. I can still feel the warmth of the fire on my skin, can still smell the smoke that got caught in our hair, can still taste the roasted meat, hear the crickets and see the fireflies circling around us whenever I think back. This was the most perfect summer I could have wished for. The expectations of freedom those days had brought were left unmet by anything that came after that. 

Grandpa died in late autumn of that same year. He was sick, had been for a while. That was probably the reason why mom insisted we go see him that summer, she probably knew what was coming.  
We went to see him one last time before he died, we even got to skip school for that but there was no joy in any of it. Watching him lie in his bed, his eyes closed and his body weakened from both the illness and his long life, was very hard. We all got to say goodbye and thank you and then we were simply waiting. Waiting for him to take his last breath while simultaneously hoping for another heaving of his chest to assure us he was still alive. It was a strange day. Strange and unfamiliar, yet his death was anticipated. Therefore, in the heap of emotions we all felt that day, shock wasn’t one of them. 

It was very different, of course, when you died. It was all shock for the first two weeks and only turned to grief and anger and frustration when the weight of what had happened started to sink in. The months after the accident passed excruciatingly slow and everything was too much and too loud and too heavy and too cold. It felt so much like torture, I sometimes thought I was in hell receiving my punishment already. I needed change so I moved out from our parents’ apartment. And, well… The day I moved out was the day I wrote my first email to you. 

I was sitting on the bare, cheap mattress I had bought that was lying on the floor of my new flat, my old laptop with its cracked screen in my lap and I wrote an email to you, my dead sister. I kept telling myself that I was being stupid while I was typing but once I hit send, this wave of catharsis washed over me. I’ll never forget the relief I felt at that moment because for a fraction of a second, I was able to forget about you being gone and instead I got to feel like a girl that had a sister that was very much alive and well. It felt so brilliant, so light and harmless and I craved the relief it brought so I sent you another email, and another and another and hundreds more over the next few years. Sometimes I would write to you twice a day and sometimes I wouldn’t write to you at all for weeks.  
Now I see that when I wrote to you the most, those were the times I really needed you to be here with me. Mostly when I was feeling sad or lonely or confused or angry, sometimes when I had big news to share or needed some advice. But there were also times when I genuinely thought I could finally move on and leave the all-consuming grief and guilt behind but I always ended up caving in and sending you another message, typing your name as though it’s not gracing a headstone in the Zuzu City Cemetery, asking for your opinion as though you could still speak, as though there was no need for me to miss you anymore.  
But the fact is that I will always have to miss you. No matter how badly I want to have you back here with me, no matter how firmly I believe that you deserved better, at the end of the day all that I can do is miss you. Always and forever I will have to miss you, I will have to miss my big sister. 

A year ago today I moved out here to live on Beesburg Farm, the very place where I created so many wonderful memories with you. It wasn’t an easy year. It was hard. Every single day was hard. And for most of that time, for most of those hard days, you were my lifeline when I felt like I was being tossed against the cliffs by the merciless waves of a rough ocean. What I wasn’t expecting though was for someone to reach out, was for someone to take both my hands and pull me out of the wild water just before I was drowning. Who would have thought that crying next to the untamed ocean is so much kinder on the heart and the soul than it is to cry in it, with waves crashing in over your head?  
I wasn’t expecting Harvey to be there. I wasn’t expecting Harvey to be there and to do everything so wrong and so right at the same time. For the first time in years I feel like my wounds are actually healing over. And although those bright pink patches of skin will mark me for the rest of my life, those deep cuts aren’t bleeding anymore and the awful pain is only dull in my otherwise vivid memory. And I think this time around I am actually able to move on for good.

Spring is just around the corner and I’m with someone who’s willing to stick around until it’s here, someone who’s willing to stick around even when spring is gone again, someone who’s willing to stick around until it eventually returns once more. I’m with someone who’s willing to stick around through all the darkest thoughts and feelings my broken brain can conjure up, which is so much more than I ever dared ask for. In the light of that, in the light of the timid spring sun that promises to shine a little longer every single day, I think it’s time for one last goodbye to you. And just like our last summer here at the farm I want it to be perfect. There’s so much I want to say to you but only one thing really matters: Thank you.

Thank you for being the best sister anyone could ask for, for nineteen short and sweet years and for eight, much longer, much bitterer years. You were there for me in spoken words as well as in silence and the comfort you brought never faded when you did. I promise that I will think about you every single day and that I will miss you dearly, always and forever. I’ll remember all the summers we spent out here, camping and hiking and riding bikes down mountains and reaching for cherries and watching the moonlight jellies and swinging on our tire swing and swimming in the ponds and having breakfast on the porch with grandpa. I promise that every single day, for the rest of my life I will try to bring as much kindness into this world as I know you would have. Maybe, a couple years in the future, I will see you again, Yoba knows.  
You have all my love, forever.

One final goodbye,  
Ana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last Ana chapter of this story  
> i hope you like it  
> thank you for reading <3


	30. The Shrine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little ways down the road...

_Seven seasons later_

Autumn has arrived at last, the leaves have turned yellow and the Valley was basking in the last golden days of the year. There was a pleasant scent in the air, the greenery’s final goodbye before the temperatures would drop.  
Harvey was sitting out on the porch of the farm, the book he was reading in his lap. He had lived out here for a year by now and still he could spend hours admiring the scenery before him. The forests that surrounded the farmland were reaching towards the setting sun with all their might, the vegetable patches, home to a promising harvest, were stretching out all the way to the pond now, beyond which lay the orchard which was already hibernating. He listened to the cackling of the chickens, the moo of the cows and the baa of the young goats Ana had bought recently. Cow was chasing across the farmland, his white fur covered in dirt and mud, as was the norm. In spite of how busy it all seemed, Harvey had never felt more at peace.

He watched as Ana approached from somewhere behind the barn, a basket full of blackberries and wild plums in her arms. The way the setting sun made her hair shimmer softly caused Harvey’s heart to flutter and he reached for the little pendant that was safely tucked beneath his shirt as to make sure this was indeed his reality.  
“Hello, love”, Ana said as she reached the steps to the porch, carefully setting the basket down and as she straightened up again, she rubbed her lower back.  
“Is your back hurting again?”, Harvey asked concerned.  
“Well, that’s what you get for working an office job in a tiny cubicle for seven years…”, she smiled and as she saw Harvey raise his eyebrows she added, “And I suppose the pregnancy isn’t exactly helping me ease the pain.”  
“I can give you a massage tonight if you like?”, he offered, reaching out for her.  
She took his hand and walked up to him, close enough so he could place one ear on her steadily growing baby bump. Ana sighed contently, the fingers of her free hand brushing through Harvey’s hair.  
“That sounds divine”, she responded, “But I do need to go to the shrine first.”  
“Of course, dear”, he said, smiling up at her, “Do you need help?”  
“I do, actually”, Ana chuckled, “I’m having trouble bending forward, can you believe it?”  
“Well, since you’re giving birth in two months…”, he responded and couldn’t help but flash a big smile at the mere thought of this.

It had been an absolutely uneventful pregnancy thus far, which is exactly what Harvey had been hoping for. Everything was going the way it was supposed to and he couldn’t thank Yoba enough for that. They have had their fair share of uprooting and suffering early on in their relationship so now he was hoping for a smooth sea from here on out.  
Things were going very good and had been for a while. Harvey had moved out to Beesburg Farm a year ago and soon after he had offered Ana a Mermaid’s Pendant. They had gotten married in the early spring of that same year, just after all the snow had melted. It was a beautiful ceremony and an eventful celebration ensued with all the lovely folks of Pelican Town in attendance. Soon after, Ana had discovered that she was pregnant and while none of this had been planned (someone has to make up the 1% after all), they’d found themselves thrilled once the initial wave of shock had passed them.  
It was a baby boy and the two of them had spent many nights discussing what to name him and they had decided on Joe, in honour of Ana’s late grandfather Joseph. If it wasn’t for him and Beesburg Farm, Harvey would not have met the love of his life and instead he would be spending this beautiful autumnal evening locked up in his apartment above the clinic. 

He sighed happily and wrapped his arms tightly around Ana’s waist, which caused her to squirm.  
“Ugh, wrong button, love!”, she said and carefully pulled away, “Now I have to pee!”  
“I’m sorry!”, he exclaimed as she disappeared inside of the farmhouse.  
With a little chuckle he put his book down on the bench beside him and he got to his feet to stretch. Then he grabbed the pair of secateurs that was lying on the window board and walked down the steps of the porch towards the flowerbed, where Ana grew her fairy roses and sunflowers. He carefully selected a few of the more beautiful blossoms and cut them with his tool. By the time he had collected a nice bouquet, Ana had returned.  
“That looks beautiful, Harvey”, she said as she carefully walked down the steps of the porch.  
He handed the bouquet to her and she inhaled the scent of the flowers.  
“I figured this was something you needed help with tonight.”  
“Indeed”, she mirrored his smile, “Thank you.”

They started walking towards the north-western part of the farmland, where a small patch of forest concealed a stone shrine. The sun was about to set completely, leaving the farmland tinted in a pale blue colour that made everything feel a little colder immediately. He put an arm around Ana, knowing that in a few minutes she would be shivering.  
They reached the shrine and once more Harvey came to admire the handiwork of Clint, the town’s blacksmith. He had made the original shrine in honour of Ana’s grandfather, so that he would always be connected to the farm. It was a tall collection of smooth stones, a deep grey in the dark but when the sun hit them at the right angle, some minerals inside of the rock were glimmering softly. Clint had engraved the stones with ornaments and the late man’s name. It was truly a piece of art.  
A little while ago, Ana had asked Clint to add to the shrine. She wanted Romi to be honoured the way her grandfather was. The blacksmith, who had found a liking to Ana since she had helped him get a little closer with Emily, happily obliged. He had added Romi’s name underneath their grandfather’s and he had engraved some cherry blossoms and moonlight jellies to make sure she was just as represented. The outcome was incredible, so much so that Ana had cried her eyes out when she’d seen it for the first time. 

She came out here once a week, to change the flowers in the vase she had brought out and to light the candles that were mounted on the stone wall next to the shrine. Harvey would join her whenever she asked him to but mostly Ana chose to come out here on her own. This was important to her and he didn’t want to be in her way.  
He watched as she carefully pulled the wilted flowers from the vase and replaced them with the new ones Harvey had picked earlier, then he headed over to help her light the candles, it was hard for her to reach them with her baby bump in the way.  
For a few minutes they watched the pale colours of the flowers that were now only lit by the flickering flames of the candles. Ana leaned into him and he placed a soft kiss on her forehead.  
“Thank you for coming out here with me”, Ana whispered.  
“Of course, dear”, he replied and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.  
“And thank you...”, she hesitated, one hand resting on her belly, “Just… thank you.”  
She didn’t need to say much more for Harvey to understand what she was trying to express. He shook his head slightly.  
“No, thank _you_ ”, he responded quietly and carefully squeezed her arm.  
Ana sighed contently in response. 

They watched the flames flicker for another couple of minutes before Ana began to shiver.  
“Let’s get you inside, dear”, Harvey said with a small smile.  
She nodded and they slowly made their way back to the farm. As they walked through the pale blue that was this autumn evening, Harvey couldn’t help but wonder just how quickly his life had changed in only three short years. What a whirlwind of emotions they had endured over the course of their relationship.  
Harvey took one last look at the farmland before they went inside the house and he was happy to find that the dark treetops weren’t moving in the wind anymore and that everything was quiet now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was the final chapter of lonely places, the story of Harvey and Ana.  
> thank you so, so much for reading this strange little tale that i’ve come up with,  
> written mostly in the delirium that comes over me after I’ve worked the 3am-12pm shift at a bakery  
> (essential worker, selling the essential bun and the highly essential chocolate croissant, coming through)  
> every single comment i have received was bursting with kindness, which was so incredibly encouraging and heart-warming  
> thank you to each and every single one of you for taking the time to read my story and for making me fall in love with writing all over again  
> i really hope you liked it  
> <3


End file.
